to be sick to death of people thinking they have to tell me how awfully painful childbirth is?

[betterhalf]

I am now 39+3 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and people just delight in telling me the horrors of childbirth! Today I had someone who knows my Mum say 'Has anyone explained to you how terribly painful it will be for you?'
Well, thanks for that love, you've really cheered me up! I was feeling nice and calm about the impending birth, knowing I will have pain but feeling confident I can cope, and now my confidence has been shot! Grrrrr

Actually, I really disagree.

I think that attitude to pain makes a big difference to how bearable it is.

It has been shown that fear in labour for example does increase the perception of pain and that the pain threshold consequently becomes much lower.

i take it you've never had to deliver op then?

Exactly bossykate - she hasn't! (it's so infuriating isn't it)

I've never given birth, have had two CS's and am going to hopefully have VBAC this time round, I know it's going to hurt, of course it is, but I can understand everyone not wanting to hear about it, I'm desperate to have my VBAC yet am rather bloody scared about the pain!

I have to say I've been told goodness knows how many times 'i take it you're having a CS' and then told I'm mad when I say I want to do it vaginally. That pisses me off more than the pain comments.

Sorry betterhalf we are derogating from the original point of your post (and I do know what you mean btw and see your pov)...

For kittywise:

More evidence that it is the pain that is different and not the mother's personal attitude to it:

My 2nd straight forward delivery - quick, easy, no pain relief other than gas and air. All very empowering and positive. If that was my only birth experience I would probably be making generalisations that the pain is always bearable and you just need to be prepared/ work on your coping strategies.

However, my first 'marathon' classic back to back labour was awful and the worst pain I have ever experienced. I really did want to die at certain points (betterhalf - don't worry only 5% of labours are classic back to back)

Same person - different labours, and markedly different levels of pain.

snap hmc!

It's worth remembering some peoples pain thresholds are lower and all sorts of things can make your pain threshold come down, from tiredness to nerves.
I think if it hurt you, it hurt you and no-one can say otherwise! My recovery from my CS's was horrendous, both times, yet I often see people saying 'Oh you'll be fine, my recovery was really easy' I think the same goes for natural deliveries, no-one can judge your experience cos they didnt go through it.

Ok, am confused now.

I thought childbirth was meant to be painful. It's why I don't get why this whole badge of honour, no pain relief thing.

For me, I think I find pain easier to deal with if I think it's gonna be worse than it is (rather than assume I will be ok). So I think attitude has a part to play but childbirth IS painful. It just is. It is. And I can't help thinking that if it wasn't for certain people, then they must have a massive very stretchy fanjo .

But back to the OP, I agree that scare stories aren't very nice. Most people were quite vague and tactful beforehand - and afterwards everyone wants to share their 'MINE WAS WORSE'. IME anyway.

YANBU, its really not what you need to hear, obviously its going to hurt, BUT how much/how people cope is completely individual and depends on so many different things (position of baby, size of baby, how long a labour, how exhausted you may be etc). Lots of women are lucky enough to give birth with little or no intervention, others need epidurals or even caeseareans, its not something you will know until you go through it and there is really no point in worrying about it as you cant affect it!

It really helped me to keep in mind that people do it again and again, all the time, your body is designed to do it and you will get through it just fine, pain relief or not. If that was not the case the world would be full of only children! Over the next few weeks keep your mind on meeting your lovely new baby not on worrying about pain, causing yourself unnecessary stress! Good luck!

EPIDURAL!!

I knew it would hurt before my 1st! I was expecting that ! I what I wasn't expecting and I wish someone had prepared me for was the total feeling of helplessness and the humiliation of examinations and the enormity of the hormonal emotion rush afterwards. I thought I would be flooded with positive feelings of love - sure - and I WAS. BUT also of feelings of 'WHAT THE F**K have I just done to my life?? and 'That was truly the worst experience of my life'. I cried for literally days afterwards. Mind you my first birth was pretty grim!

The second was a piece of cake though!

Best of luck!!

sorry - can't read whole thread - i'm old enough already

but isn't that the point? one of the thin gs trhat gets you though it is the realisation that you can bore people senseless with the details of the birth???

just tell people you don 't want to talk about it

Oh no, Starlight - I was trying to side with you and the myths about 'coping'!! That's true though, will have to think of a new one for those who say contractions were fine... (maybe a loose womb Damn).

It drove me mad when the mw said 'oh, but you're doing fine' when I asked for my epidural as soon as I got there. I was like, but it hurts NOW. Why would I want to wait for it to get MORE painful?

Don't really see that it is 'lucky' to get through it without pain relief. You wouldn't suffer any other pain without seeking some. it's not weak, it's smart!

I would never criticise anyone who uses pain relief, but I think if you find that you can cope with the amount of pain you experience in labour without any, then you are lucky Umlellala, purely because you avoid all of the negative effects intervention can have on your body and the baby. Unlike other types of pain, the relief you seek can affect another person and can cause problems wih breastfeeding etc.

I think it's a bit rich to complain that other posters judge you for finding birth painful, and then to go on and accuse those who didn't find it painful of bucket-fanny and slack abs.

Gosh, that was the only thing on my joke of a birth plan - EPIDURAL. ASAP. I went on about it from the minute I got there. (Did sort of have a plan B if couldn't get it - er... water? squatting?) and it was FAB.

Starlight, liking the toned stomach muscles excuse

Everyone's different really, aren't they.

Ooh I didn't complain that anyone judged me. I didn't find it painful - I had an epidural!

It's only light-hearted y'know. Why take offense if it doesn't apply to you ?

Message withdrawn

I'm still here ( unfortunately!)

due date tomorrow.

Message withdrawn