To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

[cadburyegg]

I see this SO often. Examples

• both parents coming to another child's birthday party with their only child
• both parents coming to school pick up
• my ex in laws won't do anything separately - mil won't go shopping without fil
• at an info evening for reception, several children had both parents there, which meant their (often multiple children) were there too, causing disruption and making it tricky to hear what was being said
• refusing to make plans with friends at the weekend because it's "family time"
• when I was on maternity leave with DC2 I took both children out for the day and saw someone I know. She couldn't believe my bravery at taking both of the children out by myself
• on more than one occasion I have met up with a friend and their partner has also been there or has shown up half way through lunch etc, which I wasn't aware of. Totally changes the dynamic
• I see it on Mumsnet too - one person not wanting to go to a family meal and leave the other with the children

I know it's nice to have family time of course but I struggle with the idea that some people can't do anything on their own.
I'm a single parent AND an only child and so I'm used to doing things on my own with or without the children! My children are NOT easy either before anyone comments, DC1 is hypersensitive and very clingy whilst DC2 had delayed motor skills which means he still struggles with some physical stuff. So AIBU? I don't get it. I'm sure there are valid reasons but what are they?

It’s not about love. A healthy loving relationship doesn’t mean you can’t be away from them.in fact it’s the opposite. Do you bring him along automatically when you meet up with girlfriends, siblings?

I usedvto be very irritated when a close friend's boyfriend used to always show up when we arranged to meet. We couldn't even have a cup of coffee together without him coming along.

He turned out to be a very controlling person, who even lied about having cancer to stop her breaking up with him.

She eventually moved miles away to get him out of her life. He still, several years later, found out she was getting married and rang her the night before to try and change her mind.

Ever since then I hear alarm bells when someone's partner barely let's them out of their sight. That's not love.

Nice comment. What a valuable addition to the thread. Thank you

Tbf i liked it

@Womblingforfree , talking of controlling husbands, it was ages ago now but I still remember a woman taking out a few audio books at the library where I worked. She was maybe 60, and the friend with her asked why she was taking all audio books, and no ‘proper’ books.

In an apologetic, self-deprecating tone she replied, ‘He doesn’t like me reading.’

Needless to add I was dying to say, ‘Tell the selfish, controlling old bastard to fuck off!!’
I’m still appalled, just thinking of it.

Is that directed at me?

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER my aunt gave up a job she had that she absolutely loved because my uncle didn't like her not being there when he got home from work. I think the incredulous expression on my face might have given away my thoughts on that.

@jewishmum

We are a couple not a single.

"We are not single" is correct, you're married / LTR etc.

But you ARE two singular people, individuals with separate thoughts abd emotions. Trying to act like you're one homologous entity is just creepy

Once again, this thread is not about couples who like to do things together. That's normal.

It's about couples who can't do anything apart.

But why does it upset the OP (and others so much)?

Each to their own, I say. Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t make it wrong.

That's what you got from my post? Lol..

Its an internet forum. People can ponder all sorts. I'm another thread were pondering hope people learnt sex made babies

I don't believe anyone here is upset, just commenting that it's unusual.

It can impact on other people though, as has been explained by several PPs.

Live and let live I suppose. But I find it pretty soppy.

This is a discussion forum. People come on here to anonymously discuss and ponder all kinds of things that puzzle or annoy them?

Do you go on numerous threads a day asking the OP why the topic of their thread bothers them?

Op I know you from other threads (I am also a single mum)

You had an utter shite for a husband who is now an utter shite for an ex husband.

Does it occur to you that your relationship experience may just be impacting your view on this view just a teeny tiny bit?

I am a single mum
even when married I never ever did anything remotely close to all the things the OP lists with my husband

but does it baffle / infuriate / anger / piss me off (delete as applicable)? Not in the slightest

🤣 I’ve seen these couples!

They post where you declared you're not singular beings you're a COUPLE? Yes.

DH did school runs etc with me often. I'm autistic and I sometimes needed the support. Would you suggest I just stay at home so as not to piss you off?

Even though there are loads of happily married people agreeing with her?

It's not ok to devalue someone's opinion just because of thier relationship status.

Ah but we keep being told by people who need to do everything together just LOVE thier partner in a way no one else has loved before

I don’t understand it either. I’ve been married almost 30 years. We do stuff together but also stuff separately. I have a friend like this she even brought her husband to a girls night 🙄

Sorry that was meant to quote Endlesslypatient82

I don't think it's particularly hard to comprehend why these things are irritating

It’s weird

Just from the OP’s first few posts.
bit more than thinking it’s “unusual”