To not understand why some couples have to do everything together

[cadburyegg]

I see this SO often. Examples

• both parents coming to another child's birthday party with their only child
• both parents coming to school pick up
• my ex in laws won't do anything separately - mil won't go shopping without fil
• at an info evening for reception, several children had both parents there, which meant their (often multiple children) were there too, causing disruption and making it tricky to hear what was being said
• refusing to make plans with friends at the weekend because it's "family time"
• when I was on maternity leave with DC2 I took both children out for the day and saw someone I know. She couldn't believe my bravery at taking both of the children out by myself
• on more than one occasion I have met up with a friend and their partner has also been there or has shown up half way through lunch etc, which I wasn't aware of. Totally changes the dynamic
• I see it on Mumsnet too - one person not wanting to go to a family meal and leave the other with the children

I know it's nice to have family time of course but I struggle with the idea that some people can't do anything on their own.
I'm a single parent AND an only child and so I'm used to doing things on my own with or without the children! My children are NOT easy either before anyone comments, DC1 is hypersensitive and very clingy whilst DC2 had delayed motor skills which means he still struggles with some physical stuff. So AIBU? I don't get it. I'm sure there are valid reasons but what are they?

Well I had a friend who would not go to bed without her husband, as in they* had to go to bed at the very same time. It made me angry!*

Why though? Why would someone else's bedtime make you angry? Bizarre.

Or like each other's company?

This!

Shared email for school stuff, yes - for literally everything else including personal correspondence, no.

Sorry, definitely would NOT have

Because they are just plain odd balls.

There’s a set of parents like that at my daughters school. You never get one without the other.

Some people in this thread seem to really struggle with appropriate boundaries.

It is.
But prioritising isn't necessarily never being apart.

My husband prioritised me when me brought me tickets for a few days away to see someone i really want to see. It isn't possible to all go together and if i wait til the kids are big enough, he'll be dead.
I prioritised DH when i said I'd have the kids whilst he went and did something linked to his hobby and then for a beer with his mates.
I prioritised my kids when i told DH he was having the younger ones at home whilst i took the eldest out as its too bloody hot.
I'm prioritising me when i go out Tuesday night and leave DH to do bed.

There's more than one way to prioritise your family.

All the points you have listed should have no affect on you whatsoever!

Regarding the school info evening, of course both parents can be there without normally being attached to the hip, school placement is a joint decision and a tough decision when it comes to looking around high school!

What about a single parent, who has no family or partner/ex partner to look after their child to attend an info meeting, should they stay home incase one of their children plays up?

FYI me and my partner do a lot of separate things, however if a couple choose to be together most of the time, that is their choice, absolutely nothing to do with anyone else!

ODFO. There are many reasons why women need overnight help from their partners. I have the scars on my arms to remind me how much I struggled while my working husband slept all night.

It sounds to me as if OP and certain other people in this thread are jealous. Jealous of couples because they are single, or jealous of other women who's partners actually want to spend time with them!

Bingo! The ‘you’re jealous’ post has arrived 👏

Touched a nerve I guess 🤣

Nah, ‘you’re jealous’ is always trotted out when posters have nothing better to offer 🤣

Can't believe we got to page 18 before the 'jealous' accusation arrived.

Couples who like to spend a lot of time together: great
Couples who refuse to do anything on their own: not so great.

I particularly hate a husband showing up at what's meant to be a gathering of female friends.
Also a couple insisting on going somewhere together when it would be more sensible and considerate for one to stay at home with the kids.

It's also healthy to have some separate activities and interests, especially in the sad event that one of the couple dies.

Keep telling yourself that dear 😊

Haven’t RTFT but some of the examples listed in the OPs original post are perfectly normal to do together (particularly the child orentated ones) some are a bit strange. I am deaf and need my DH to come with me more than I would like to ensure I get all the information I need or, in certain situations to ensure the kids are safe (I accept that my deafness gives me limitations!). Glad to see I am being judged so harshly for it.

There was a "your jealous" post much earlier in in this thread. I'm going out on my own to do an activity that DH doesn't want to do. I'm not jealous.

I could say that a woman who is so codependent on her partner that she can't do this thing on her own might be jealous of me.

Logic is a wonderful thing.

Only in this case logic seems to have flummoxed you. 🙂

It's the people posting in this thread complaining about the happy couples and families, most people on the street wouldn't give a shiny shite about what you're doing or who you're doing it with.

If you're getting offended because of what I said, hey I'm only holding up a mirror, it ain't my fault if you don't like what you see.

Offended? Jealous? Are you usually prone to hyperbole? Or are you struggling to understand why people might simply have opinions which differ from yours?

In our family both of us go to parents evening and sports days etc,this happens because both of us are invested in our child and we both want to support and be a part of that bit of our childs life. I go shopping cos he works 12 hrs a day and I dont work at all. We go out together a lot but not on our own, with child too,so like we are going out for a meal we all go,all 3 of us,Its family time and a treat and we all benefit from having a lovely time.We go to concerts together as a family of 3,everything really. He toddles off with his friends and so do I with mine but to be honest we are best friends and we love spending time together, I just like him,he is great fun to be around and he is gorgeous so why wouldnt I? We dont share bedtimes or anything like that.He is a night owl I am an early bird so we do our own thing there.The only thing I would never do nor want to is share any socials ,,no joint facebooks or emails for us!!! Not because we have anything to hide but I just find it a bit odd when I see Jane and Dave Brown (made up names) and I never quite know who I will get if I communicate with them! Gaurenteed if I want to ask Jane if she wants to go jogging I end up chatting to Dave who will then have to go and ask Jane now thats truly a step too far !

I've been with Dh for over 30 years and we do things together , but we also have separate interests and go out separately and I've always done food / clothes shopping on my own. Dh has hobbies, we have separate friends we see without each other.
It hasn't struck me as odd, but obviously all couples are different in how their relationship works for them.

Says the person getting their breeches bunched up. Stay calm, it's better for you. 🙃

I don't really see it as these people "can't do anything for themselves" but rather they are wanting to spend time together.
I like spending time with my partner and doing things together etc.
I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own and really enjoy my own company. But I love spending time with them too.