Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man stalking woman, excused by saying he must be autistic..

397 replies

AutismIsStigmatised · 13/08/2022 14:11

I came across this video on TikTok today, I'll post the link below but in summary an unknown man posed as an amazon delivery person to get access to a block of flats this woman lives in. He was behaving strangely and wanted to give her a 'gift' which was some sort of cup / candle holder. She confronted him and he left, then came back up again, left again then came back up a third time with his hood up as though he was about to do something sinister. Very bloody creepy.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMNsQfG2W/

The comments are littered with people saying that he's 'clearly autistic'

Take a look and tell me what you think but as the parent of an autistic boy (and wife of an autistic adult) it really upsets me when people assume scary/criminal behaviour is due to autism. I know many people with autism and not one has ever behaved like that..

OP posts:
secular39 · 14/08/2022 01:39

Scianel · 13/08/2022 22:29

This is controversial, I know, but I'm so sorry they got rid of the Aspergers diagnosis, which is still how I consider myself.
There is a huge difference between someone who is profoundly disabled by autism and unable to live independently, and someone who would formerly have received the Aspergers diagnosis, and the removal of the distinction has I think created this situation where people argue for hours at cross purposes.

Clearly someone who is severly disabled, unable to live independendly, potentially non-verbal and not toilet trained, does not have criminal responsibility however in that case I'd expect the agencies responsible to ensure that if there are risk issues to the public, these are managed. And I'd certainly take no issue with someone defending them from attack should things go wrong.

The post from someone early who mentioned a man who abused his children, but was able to manage a highly paid job, be married etc, yet got excused from the abuse, is horrifying and also represents the absolute confusion that the merging of the diagnosis his created. Because of course people with Aspergers know right from wrong, and have criminal responsibility.

I disagree. It was good they removed the distinction. Being able to live independently, be very articulate and have degrees does not guarantee the fact that you have competent communication skills, are able to navigate tricky social dynamics and yes you may know from right and wrong (again that is very black and white thinking) but that may be skewed when you have to navigate tricky social situations, interpret covert thoughts and feels of others and vice versa- everyone is different and the condition is very variable in individuals Did you not read my comments? A high amount of young people in prison have high functioning ASD aka those Asperger's type.

Not only that. ASD and Asperger's is primarily social communication deficit

secular39 · 14/08/2022 01:40

... with sensory differences and how they brain interprets these sensational senses. Point blank. People with ASD and Asperger's are hugely vulnerable. No matter how functioning the person is

NippyWoowoo · 14/08/2022 09:50

Well this thread seems to have gone off in a new direction, but just to say I've seen the (terrifying) video and didn't notice a single comment made about him being autistic.

Varoty · 14/08/2022 09:56

He clearly has a learning disability. Autism is not a learning disability. Some people may have a learning disability in addition to autism, but autism itself isn’t a learning disability.

mattressspring · 14/08/2022 10:12

Varoty · 14/08/2022 09:56

He clearly has a learning disability. Autism is not a learning disability. Some people may have a learning disability in addition to autism, but autism itself isn’t a learning disability.

Why does he clearly have a learning disability?

Scianel · 14/08/2022 10:19

@secular39 I have Aspergers and this is my view on it. I'm well aware of the difficulties that come with this condition, but my challenges are not the challenges of someone non-verbal or in general with what was previously diagnosed as autism.

Soubriquet · 14/08/2022 10:50

Varoty · 14/08/2022 09:56

He clearly has a learning disability. Autism is not a learning disability. Some people may have a learning disability in addition to autism, but autism itself isn’t a learning disability.

It doesn’t look like it to me. He looks like he’s trying to be “nice”. When he comes up the 3rd time you can tell he means business and it’s scary

HailAdrian · 14/08/2022 11:14

I've watched it and it wouldn't even occur to me that he might be autistic. She made it clear enough that she wanted him to leave her alone and he wouldn't. That's not 'autistic' behaviour, it's threatening, murderer-type behaviour tbh. Probably an incel.

bellac11 · 14/08/2022 11:25

Why this insistence that something is or isnt 'autistic' behaviour

I have worked with a huge number of men on the spectrum and if you ignore the criminality element, the majority have a huge difficulty with social appropriateness and boundaries and the cues to tell them 'this isnt ok, dont do this'

Therefore unfortunately lots of the people I work with have layers of difficulty in regulating their behaviour around others.

I dont know why there is this pretend presentation that someone who is autistic or has any learning needs or MH issues cant possibly do something bad or criminal or be a nuisance and if they do they didnt 'mean' it.

HailAdrian · 14/08/2022 11:31

bellac11 · 14/08/2022 11:25

Why this insistence that something is or isnt 'autistic' behaviour

I have worked with a huge number of men on the spectrum and if you ignore the criminality element, the majority have a huge difficulty with social appropriateness and boundaries and the cues to tell them 'this isnt ok, dont do this'

Therefore unfortunately lots of the people I work with have layers of difficulty in regulating their behaviour around others.

I dont know why there is this pretend presentation that someone who is autistic or has any learning needs or MH issues cant possibly do something bad or criminal or be a nuisance and if they do they didnt 'mean' it.

Lots and lots of autistic people don't behave in a thr

HailAdrian · 14/08/2022 11:33

Posted too soon.

Don't behave in a threatening way, it's offensive to suggest someone who is doing so 'must be autistic.' Maybe he's just a fucking creep.

NippyWoowoo · 14/08/2022 11:34

It doesn’t look like it to me. He looks like he’s trying to be “nice”. When he comes up the 3rd time you can tell he means business and it’s scary

Yes I had shivers when I saw him come up the last time. LD my ass

ParsleySageRosemary · 14/08/2022 11:36

AutismIsStigmatised · 13/08/2022 21:50

For those who haven't seen the young ladies updates on tiktok, she had a second man approach her door this evening and he was making crude comments about wanting to see her with her top off.

She explained in the comments that this second incident wasn't the same man she caught on camera initially, but somebody she vaguely knows of from the area who seems to have some mental health problems.

So that's two separate men coming to her flat within 24hrs.

She suspects its something to do with a drug dealing ex as in him sending people to scare her and that is, I assume, why she hasn't mentioned getting the police involved. She's probably scared of repercussions from the ex.

I was shocked when she said she's only 19, that poor girl having to deal with all of this shit.

Hi, on this the thread subject, I think that is weird as fuck and probably time to remind you of possible trolls. Someone’s so afraid of getting the police involved due to a drug-dealing ex but who is freely posting stuff up on the open web? Tik Tok can be made up: alternatively is there a way of reporting it to Tik Tok so they can investigate or do they not do that?

The rest of the thread, about the conflict of disabilities with the rights of the whole public to be protected, has actually been interesting. Thanks!

Fwiw Carers should have some kind of ID on them which you could ask to see if there are issues. Where I work some of these would be classed as incidents and need reporting, to help prevent them in future.

bellac11 · 14/08/2022 11:48

HailAdrian · 14/08/2022 11:33

Posted too soon.

Don't behave in a threatening way, it's offensive to suggest someone who is doing so 'must be autistic.' Maybe he's just a fucking creep.

Of course lots dont, and lots do.

You know someone can be a creep and a horrible person but also be vulnerable in their own right dont you?

HailAdrian · 14/08/2022 12:21

*Of course lots dont, and lots do.

You know someone can be a creep and a horrible person but also be vulnerable in their own right dont you?*

Yes, I'd extend that to many addicts and people with mental ill health too but they are still deliberately, consciously choosing to frighten people. And why is it predominantly 'autistic' men and not women who behave like this?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/08/2022 12:25

Varoty · 14/08/2022 09:56

He clearly has a learning disability. Autism is not a learning disability. Some people may have a learning disability in addition to autism, but autism itself isn’t a learning disability.

I don't think he does. I just think he's a fucking creep. He knows what he's doing to come up the stairs three times after being told to go away, which is why on the 3rd time, his stance changed. He came up in a more threatening manner.

bellac11 · 14/08/2022 12:27

Well thats obvious, its how a lot of men present if they are so minded, but their disorders make it more difficult to regulate behaviour

UK male prisons are full to the brim of prisons with a host of co morbid diagnoses, a large percentage have some degree of ND disorders alongside LD and MH (and thats only the ones that are diagnosed)

Im not sure why there appears to be denial that people with those difficulties are more prone to finding themselves in situations where their behaviour crosses a line into criminality or anti social behaviour.

HailAdrian · 14/08/2022 12:29

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/08/2022 12:25

I don't think he does. I just think he's a fucking creep. He knows what he's doing to come up the stairs three times after being told to go away, which is why on the 3rd time, his stance changed. He came up in a more threatening manner.

Show quote history

Exactly, he's scaring her entirely on purpose. We know that men don't need to have any learning difficulties to get off on frightening women , which is what I think is happening here.

HailAdrian · 14/08/2022 12:31

bellac11 · 14/08/2022 12:27

Well thats obvious, its how a lot of men present if they are so minded, but their disorders make it more difficult to regulate behaviour

UK male prisons are full to the brim of prisons with a host of co morbid diagnoses, a large percentage have some degree of ND disorders alongside LD and MH (and thats only the ones that are diagnosed)

Im not sure why there appears to be denial that people with those difficulties are more prone to finding themselves in situations where their behaviour crosses a line into criminality or anti social behaviour.

There isn't, a situation involving an autistic man was described upthread, it was clear he wasn't aware his behaviour was coming off 'creepy' and he was 'mortified' when he discovered it was. The guy in this video doesn't give a fuck.

Original poster
AutismIsStigmatised · 14/08/2022 15:07

NippyWoowoo · 14/08/2022 09:50

Well this thread seems to have gone off in a new direction, but just to say I've seen the (terrifying) video and didn't notice a single comment made about him being autistic.

Well they're definitely on there.

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 14/08/2022 15:38

The young lady has posted an update, it seems she’s gone to the police and it’s being dealt with!

premiumwine · 14/08/2022 15:52

Think it’s been deleted as can’t access the link.

as a young person, no one my age really justifies SA on autism. Maybe it’s an older generation thing - my peers tend to call out creepy behaviour for what it is. I can’t imagine the majority of the comments asked the victim to excuse his behaviour due to autism.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page