Man stalking woman, excused by saying he must be autistic..

[AutismIsStigmatised]

I came across this video on TikTok today, I'll post the link below but in summary an unknown man posed as an amazon delivery person to get access to a block of flats this woman lives in. He was behaving strangely and wanted to give her a 'gift' which was some sort of cup / candle holder. She confronted him and he left, then came back up again, left again then came back up a third time with his hood up as though he was about to do something sinister. Very bloody creepy.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMNsQfG2W/

The comments are littered with people saying that he's 'clearly autistic'

Take a look and tell me what you think but as the parent of an autistic boy (and wife of an autistic adult) it really upsets me when people assume scary/criminal behaviour is due to autism. I know many people with autism and not one has ever behaved like that..

I’m sure it does but it doesn’t make it a fact.

Absolutely but would it be acceptable for you if he was without an adult who knows him and was deeply distressed without understanding why?

Nobody is saying it’s acceptable for a severely autistic person to be with a carer. And I imagine the insta fed of that happening are very, very low. But that’s not what this thread is about. It’s about a 19yo girl who had to leg it out her home because a predatory man scared the bejesus out her her and people are implying that he may be autistic in which case he should be immune from being perceived as committing a crime or doing something wrong

I've invested too much in this thread as it is but I'll agree that assuming he's autistic is insulting to autistic people and as I've said already his actions were obviously deceptive and calculated and he should be treated as a criminal, not a vulnerable disabled person. But, it's the internet and armchair psychology is all the rage.

I believe that all people have equal rights, regardless of whether they have a disability or any other characteristic. However, as a society, we categorise these rights( the rights, not the people) with some being more important than others. Being safe and free from harm is high on this list and therefore if any one individual harms another, it doesn't matter about their individual circumstances, what matters is the consequence of their actions. The response, in a civilised society should be tailored to the individual, but anyone who harms someone else will be made to undergo changes to attempt to prevent this from happening again.
Two extremes could be, a murderer, and a toddler who accidentally scratches another child with a sharp fingernail. It is society who "decides", within reason, the consequence. The murderer would be imprisoned, and the toddler would have their nails cut. The consequence is to prevent the action reoccurring. A profoundly disabled person who hurts someone, even unintentionally, will still see a modification to their care to prevent it from happening again.
an elderly person, who is unable to drive safely, has their licence taken away isn't being " punished", society recognises the need to reassess their liberty to safeguard others.
The person who has been harmed can be understanding, or not , but in my opinion it shouldn't make a difference. The child who gets scratched cannot insist that the other wears gloves for the rest of his life, and, at least here in the UK we cannot expect capital punishment for a murderer even if a victim's family might wish to.

ugh that’s awful! So sorry that happened to you @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

I’m assuming it was a unisex communal changing room which is a terrible idea in itself, but yes the carer wasn’t doing her job properly for the young man to assault you like this in her presence.

For those who are downplaying this kind of thing, I’ll be clear - my gut instinct would probably be to strike any young adult /man who assaulted me in self-defence. And if their carer has a problem they should have supervised them better. I don’t know if it will help them realise what they are doing is wrong or not but it will bring a quicker end to the sexual assault.

Sadly it happens I used to work as a mental health nurse and to many severely autistic adults were detained under the mental health act and placed on an adult mental health ward ,it's not acceptable to me as I think they deserve better and this has been going on for decades vulnerable adults need far more support then they are currently getting

For those who are downplaying this kind of thing, I’ll be clear - my gut instinct would probably be to strike any young adult /man who assaulted me in self-defence. And if their carer has a problem they should have supervised them better. I don’t know if it will help them realise what they are doing is wrong or not but it will bring a quicker end to the sexual assault.

As would I. I wouldn't allow myself to be assaulted purely because someone has a learning disability. That's not my priority as harsh as it sounds. My priority is to myself in a situation like that.
I'm not surprised at that carers comments, as similar have been seen in this thread.

Oh okay…yes definitely he needs to be arrested if he really was carrying dangerous weapons.

I have a feeling the young woman involved isn’t keen on police involvement in this though. That’s just the impression I get.

OK but if he DID turn out to be severely autistic and without his carer, how would you feel about his actions?

He should not have been in a female space. HE can be 'excused' because the situation wasn't his fault. He's not seeing women and thinking he'd like to terrify them. His carer should not have put him OR anyone else in that situation. Hence my sympathy for both vulnerable parties. The only consequence should be that the situation is never repeated but that doesn't mean treating him as a criminal. Severely disabled adults are often likened to very young children because that is where their brains are at, essentially.

No it was a female changing room - the pool DID have unisex rooms and I have no idea why she didn’t use these (probably because you have to cross the lobby to get to them but still)

Impossible to answer, severely autistic people are incapable of planning anything like that. It couldn't happen. They often can't even use the toilet or dress themselves.

So true, our priority and natural instinct is to protect ourselves and don’t forget many women are carrying trauma from past sexual abuse so it’s literally triggering.

I feel a lot of the kind who push for women to passively accept this would not expect a grown male to sit calmly on a train, for example, after he has been whacked in the face continually by a man who presented as being ND/ disabled.

Yes, I would like to think that society is progressing re autism awareness but after this, I don't think that's the case.

Well it’s not impossible to answer - it’s a situation that DID happen, we’ve seen the video and either the bloke knows what he’s doing or he doesn’t - and if it turns out he’s severely autistic, what should happen to him? How should this terrified girl feel?

I feel a lot of the kind who push for women to passively accept this would not expect a grown male to sit calmly on a train, for example, after he has been whacked in the face continually by a man who presented as being ND/ disabled.

Exactly. This is the 'be kind' brigade. Women should not say anything and just put up with negative behaviour towards them from someone presenting as MD/disabled because won't they just think about his feelings too.

That's a bizarre assumption. I think he should remove himself from the situation if the disabled person's carer isn't dealing with it. It's not ok to hurt anyone but even less so if you do it intentionally. I'd assume the disabled person couldn't handle the noise/people/small space so it'd be crazy to even have them on the train in the first place.

I can tell you that he is not severely autistic. Anyone with any experience of severely autistic people will agree. He may be 'high functioning' but he is absolutely not profoundly autistic.

That carer was incredibly negligent. As a 19 year old I’d have reacted the same way as you did and just got the heck out of there for my own safety…. but if that happened to me now I’d be filing a complaint with the venue it happened at to make sure this young man who has a ‘thing for breasts’ is no longer in the women’s changing room and trying to find out how to report the carer.

Why has the topic moved onto 'severely Autistic'? The boy in the video is no way profound/severely Autistic.

I think people struggle to get their heads around the idea that some autistic people literally have no idea whatsoever what is good behaviour and what is bad. That doesn't apply to the guy in the video because he used deception, suggesting he knows he is wrong, in order to harm someone.

You think it’s easy to stop abuse from just moving away when it’s an older teen/ young man/grown man who can outrun you? As I said my instinct - and others - would be to defend myself if I’m being assaulted whether it was a hard shove or a slap or a knee to the groin.

These are all proportionate measures to sexual abuse, I’m not talking about taking a knife to someone or anything deadly of course.

It started with another posters story about a guy and a woman on a train.

But no, the one in the video is not profoundly autistic.

That's fair but I don't doubt most people would describe that as a really shitty situation for all involved.