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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

393 replies

RoversEnd · 13/08/2022 09:14

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 13/08/2022 11:56

Aprilx · 13/08/2022 11:52

I think it is you that needs to read it again. Second sentence

“we had to say we can’t do it”.

Show quote history

Maybe read all of the OP's posts? 7 minutes after the first post they clarified:

Mum is staying with us and the dog is really active. We said we could mainly keep let DD play with the dog in the garden and take it for walks so my mum can rest. Otherwise it’s jumping up and down on people all the time. But there was no response to that. I think they wanted the dog sitting on their terms or not at all.

Molecule · 13/08/2022 11:56

I haven’t RTFT but for goodness sake it’s a dog. It can go to SIL’s parents or into kennels. It needs treating like a dog, not a frigging fur baby. I love my dog but would not expect someone to compromise on their mother’s care for its sake.

I fear @RoversEnd you may have found that SIL is one of life’s takers.

woodhill · 13/08/2022 11:56

Things change

OP agreed to dogsit when dm wasn't in this predicament

Sil is being vu

Scianel · 13/08/2022 11:56

I think it is you that needs to read it again. Second sentence
“we had to say we can’t do it”.

Presumably because... they can no longer do it? Wild thought I know, but sometimes real life does get in the way of pandering to the entitled, as upsetting as I daresay they find that.

Hill1991 · 13/08/2022 11:57

I don't understand everyone saying why can't she still have the dog her circumstances have changed she's got her elderly mother who has a broken leg who needs care ( which can be stressful in itself not to add a dog on top) and everyone is more bothered about a spoilt brat getting her own way with the dog.

OP I completely feel for you and I wouldn't waste time in the future even offering to do anything for her.

Summersnearlygone · 13/08/2022 11:57

As a dog owner myself the priority is to keep my dog safe and healthy. Leaving a dog with a family member who is stressed and busy wouldn't work for anyone. Your SIL is selfish and uncaring and I think you should put up a little update re your mother on the family SM page, thanking anyone who cared enough to ask about her. Move on from the experience having learnt how selfish your SIL is

ddl1 · 13/08/2022 12:01

2pinkginsplease · 13/08/2022 11:26

Id be pissed off too if I were your sister in law, they made arrangements to enable them to go on holiday and now you’ve pulled the plug.

plenty of people look after their own dogs when they have broken their leg or not long out of hospital. I’m not understanding why you can’t do both, many people do.

People in that position don't usually go to someone else's house to do so. And they don't take the dog for long walks. The SIL doesn't just want someone to feed the dog and keep an eye on him, but to walk him.

OP offered to have the dog stay at her home, but the SIL wouldn't accept this.

And SIL's parents offered to look after the dog, but SIL wouldn't accept this.

SunnyD44 · 13/08/2022 12:01

DH works from home but has a job where he’s in calls and meetings all day so it was always the plan that I would look after the dog.

I think him going to SIL’s is the perfect solution.
As long as he’s there to let the dog out for a wee every now and then it’s fine.

You can then concentrate on your mum and just spend some quality time with her.

Also just because you have lots of blood siblings doesn’t mean you can actually rely on any of them.
So I’d be less concerned about having a relationship with someone that you can rely on as most of the time you can’t rely on anyone but yourself.

Your SIL sounds very selfish but I would hope that after planning and saving for a holiday for so long then she’s just frustrated that it needs 2 of you to look after your mum and she’s not thinking straight.
I hope she apologises.

I had an operation planned for months and a couple of days before the kennels rang and said there’s been a mistake and couldn’t take my dog and it was the worst feeling in the world as you want to be able to leave your dog with someone you trust.

You concentrate on your mum and think about the relationship with SIL when your mum is feeling better.

DH can sort out stuff with his sister.

Summersnearlygone · 13/08/2022 12:02

PuppyMonkey · 13/08/2022 10:29

I agree with this, cut SIL some slack that she just spoke in haste because her plans all looked like they were about to fall through and a broken leg doesn’t sound like a life threatening emergency. But she sorted something else out and probably wants to move on!

Show quote history

A broken leg for an elderly lady with existing health issues including blood clotting issues certainly could be life threatening.

whataboutnow · 13/08/2022 12:06

All those saying broken l

Original poster
RoversEnd · 13/08/2022 12:07

@Scianel I am so so sorry for your loss.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 13/08/2022 12:09

With the detail you supplied about your background, I think that you have rolled several issues into one. You can't make someone like you by doing things for them. I'm guessing SIL is the golden child?

I have also got a very self-centered DSis and DH a self-centered DB, so I empathise. This causes many issues with cousin meetups, although the DC themselves are all lovely.

DBIL in particular wouldn't care if my DM dropped dead!

Friends are definitely a better bet!

Scianel · 13/08/2022 12:10

@RoversEnd thank you, it was a while ago now, I'm just sorry you've got all this stress on your plate, it's hard enough worrying about an elderly, unwell parent without people causing you additional upset x

toomuchlaundry · 13/08/2022 12:11

@SunnyD44 some dogs would be ok with that, others not so. Our dog loves DH WFH and will sit in the bedroom where DH works for hours. However, he does get bored and tries to join in some of the meetings! He also has me at home to keep him occupied when DDog needs to use up some energy

LuaDipa · 13/08/2022 12:12

stuntbubbles · 13/08/2022 09:51

“Sorry you’ve broken your leg, mum, must be awful. We’ll just shut you alone in this room for a bit while we attend to a dog that could be taken care of by literally anyone else. Scream if you need anything.”

Show quote history

Agreed.

I love my dogs more than most people but it’s horrendous that so many people think that someone else’s pets should take priority over an injured parent.

midlifecrash · 13/08/2022 12:14

Wickywickyyow · 13/08/2022 09:29

Are you the type if people that can only cope with one thing at a time? We have friends like that, they all go to children's parties together, they share email accounts, they don't do anything by themselves. Anything more that one thing to do at once is just too much.

I’m assuming every other poster on here at the moment is a bored child, never seen so much goady rubbish.

whataboutnow · 13/08/2022 12:15

All those saying broken legs are no big deal and it's easy to cope on your own have presumably never experienced one. I broke my leg and ankle last year and spent 4 months sleeping on the sofa as I couldn't go upstairs at all. I needed help with everything for several weeks even little things like getting to tne loo. I had to have a step fitted to get in and out of the house,was unable to carry anything do housework or pretty much anything until I got the hang of crutches and the OT and physio told me some people never do. In the first couple of weeks I also had to go to hospital appointments a lot. To the person who suggested the OP just shut her mum in a bedroom the effects mentally as well as physically of suddenly losing you mobility and independence are huge and doing this would be horrendous

whynotwhatknot · 13/08/2022 12:16

your sil doesnt sound very nice with your updates-stop doing her favours send dd over with your dh if you want them to have a relationship-you dont have to

LuaDipa · 13/08/2022 12:17

@Scianel I’m so very sorry. Flowers

Entwifery · 13/08/2022 12:18

I get why you need to look after your mum, but surely your husband can still go and dog sit? Sounds like you two are a package deal for some reason

ThisIsAddiction · 13/08/2022 12:18

As an only child who also had to look after an 80 year old Mum for stints due to her health, you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable.

She has a solution. You stick to your plans. And FWIW I sympathise completely, the world can feel a bloody lonely place in these situations, even with a DH by your side. I confess it was probably the only time I ever wished I'd got siblings by my side to share both the mental and physical load.

Hope Mum feels better soon Flowers

Vikinga · 13/08/2022 12:18

You both sound bonkers. The dog can be looked after at your house. A dog only jumps up when excited to see you and then settled down. You can still look after a dog despite checking in on MIL.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 13/08/2022 12:21

Aquamarine1029 · 13/08/2022 09:21

Why can't you look after your mum and you husband takes care of the dog? The dog doesn't need 24 hour attention.

Yes. Best solution.

AclowncalledAlice · 13/08/2022 12:22

midlifecrash · 13/08/2022 12:14

I’m assuming every other poster on here at the moment is a bored child, never seen so much goady rubbish.

Show quote history

Either that or they are very entitled dog owners.

FatBettyintheCoop · 13/08/2022 12:22

YANBU about not looking after the dog now your mum needs your support. She’s 80 for goodness sake!
Your SIL is clearly a selfish twat who only wants to use you.
Anyone who really loves their dog wouldn’t be foisting them on a reluctant family member in the first place. They’d be looking for a professional pet sitter or a quality boarding kennels.

Please understand that it’s far better for your DD to see you setting sensible boundaries with SIL and not allowing her to treat you badly just because you want your DD to have a relationship with her cousins. It’s not worth allowing yourself to be used that way.

My DS’s ‘cousins’ live abroad so we haven’t seen them since 2015 and their parents are now divorced and split looking after the children so we’re unlikely to see them anytime soon. I grew up not knowing my cousins as they were a good 15 yrs older than me, so I honestly don’t think it’s worth the angst. Let them go.