To expect kids to eat bbq food?

[whynowe]

DH has invited his uni mates for a bbq at our house tonight. it was planned a few weeks ago.
However yesterday a few have asked if their wives and DC can come too. Of course we said yes.

We had plenty of food for everyone. Beef burgers/ chicken burgers/ chicken drums/ sausages & halloumi on the bbq + quite a few salads/ potato salad/ fries/ pasta salads etc

So I assumed the 3 DC (aged 5-12) would eat the same food as us

two wives( mothers of the children) got all emotional on me as I didn’t have anything “acceptable” for their children to eat. “Oh they can’t eat any of this!! “
They said next time I should ask before having children over .. but they will forgive me because I’m not a mum yet (I’m 32 weeks pregnant with our first)

Anyway the 2 wives left early and will HAVE to stop at McDonald’s on the way home as the children are starving. We had burgers too not McDonald’s ones though 😂

I said to DH I don’t want to ever see them again. He agrees they were rude to me and kept using “you’re still young, we will forgive you on this occasion”
I’m a little younger than any of them in this group.
AIBU to have expected the kids to eat same as the rest or should I have asked in advance? I thought there was plenty of choice between meats/ cheeses/ veg/ breads/ potatoes/ pasta etc 😅 not sure what else I could’ve done.

My kids can be weirdly fussy, and DS has allergies which makes it even more challenging, but they’d just eat crisps or bread if there was nothing else they wanted. I’d probably give them a cereal bar out of my bag if there was absolutely nothing. And that would be fine. I certainly wouldn’t complain!

Anyway they love a BBQ so they’d be more than happy with your food!

Mine was picky and now eats anything.

Phrases like “if you do t like the burger just eat the bun” and “eat the rice that isn’t touching the curry then!” and “Aunty So-and-so spent time, effort and money on a lovely bbq for us. Find something you can eat and say THANKYOU!!!!” also, “it doesn’t have to be your favourite food, it has to give you energy and health”

I went to a BBQ the other week with a very fussy ds (3). I know he’s fussy so I brought his favourite snacks; bread sticks, Fromage frais, a banana, and mini cheddars. I did try to give him a burger but he’ll only eat McDonalds for some inexplicable reason.

I got the whole, “Back in my day it was eat it or starve”. A few people seemed almost offended I brought my own stuff.

You can’t win with people.

YANBU! They were rude and should’ve come prepared!

My kids love BBQ, they'd have loved all that!
Your guests were being incredibly rude and weird.

DS would have hoovered all of that up.

But in his worst picky stages, I’d never have dreamed of blaming the person who was catering. I have dim recollections of packing a sandwich I knew he’d eat on the chance there would be nothing he’d like. It would garner some reactions, usually from the MIL, but having a showdown with a picky eater in front of an audience isn’t fun for anyone.

they took them to a bbq - what did they expect?

If their children don't eat BBQ food, and they must know that they have zero social skills themselves, they should have stayed home with the children (preferable option, they sound ghastly). Failing that, brought food they would eat.

They knew it was a bbq right? If their kids are so fussy they should have brought food for them. You absolutely did nothing wrong, it all sounds fine for kids. What kid wouldn't eat any burger, pasta or pototatos.

Normal food for kids, they should have mentioned that their children needed special food. A BBQ though usually includes a pasta salad which would have been suitable also for the children.

You have socialised before
Never had any issues with them at all you say
Seemingly all got on pretty well

and yet suddenly this?

and all your DH does is “privately” sympathise with you

All very bloody odd to me

A BBQ though usually includes a pasta salad

Not at any barbecue I have attended or held.

The OP’s barbecue, though, did include a pasta salad.

often tuna and Mayo pasta

My children probably wouldn’t have eaten that (to a greater or lesser extent)

BUT

its sounds like you were a generous host and my children being a pain regarding food is not your problem in the slightest

Children (without medical allergies) don’t need different foods - I would have been offended if parents brought their own food for their children when I’d taken so much trouble to provide a good choice of food.

They were rude, obviously - they'd invited themselves over and then complained about the food, that's just rude, regardless of the reasons why!

But - I will admit, pre-kids I did think that rich, BBQ food was fine for kids, because it kind of resembles what I thought of as kid's food. But for most kids it probably isn't, because of the heaviness and strong flavours - a big, meaty BBQ burger isn't anything like a small, ground beef McDonald's burger; and lots of kids don't eat the burgers from McDonald's, it's the nuggets they eat, because they like beige crap!

You didn't do anything wrong, but I have noticed BBQ menus do change post kids, you'll usually find more sandwiches, plain salads, nuggets and pizzas on them, mine do now because I have kids and nearly all my friends do.

But they still shouldn't talk down to you because you didn't know, that's also pretty rude. I don't expect people with no kids to just know kid things, why would they? And if you're taking your kids to a party at a non kid household ask if you can bring whatever food you think they'll eat, or feed your kids before you get there, or let the host know beforehand so they know they'll need a few mini pizzas, or something - it's not hard!

YANBU

They were rude 3 times over:

-Inviting themselves and their children along to an event not intended for them
-Expecting other food to be magicked up for their children when a wide range of typical barbecue food was on offer. If your children are fussy eaters, you take along food you know they’ll eat or feed them beforehand.
-The ‘we’ll forgive you this time’ bullshit.

It isn’t about the food. It’s about putting you in your place.

Your DH invited them and are friends with the children's fathers? So it's on him. Don't get sucked into the idea that you, as the woman have to host. It was on him. One of my GC might not have eaten anything, but she has additional needs and is happy with buttered bread. My DD has carried tuna pasta with her. If similar happens then bat it back to your DH and the parent that was invited who didn't check what was on offer. They are at UNI so should be able to sort their children out, parenting isn't just a female job. Start to shut them down.

They sound completely thick and were incredibly rude. DDs are 5 and 3 and would happily have eaten some of that. Even fussy kids would eat sausages and chips, surely?!

Exactly! It’s probably why there are so many fussy children - parents bringing their own food for them or preparing numerous separate meals. I heard of one family who did one meal for the parents and two different meals for the four children - ridiculous!

@whynowe l think we all need you to update on what Dh does next 😂

@Parker231 why? My child has suspected ASD and is such a fussy eater. Why should everyone eat but not him?

On the basis that he “privately” expressed to the OP that he thought they were rude, if I was to hazard a guess…. I’d say he will do bugger all!

I mentioned earlier - medical cases accepted.

"ThreeRingCircus
They sound completely thick and were incredibly rude. DDs are 5 and 3 and would happily have eaten some of that. Even fussy kids would eat sausages and chips, surely?!

Exactly! It’s probably why there are so many fussy children - parents bringing their own food for them or preparing numerous separate meals. I heard of one family who did one meal for the parents and two different meals for the four children - ridiculous!"

I would have probably said the same before I had a fussy child.

But now I do. He's almost 13 now and still fussy. I do often cook something separate for him. As we don't want to eat what he does and he just won't eat if it's something he doesn't think he likes.

Doctors and health visitors all said the worst thing you can do is make meal times a battleground and create issues surrounding food. At the end of the day I wouldn't eat something I don't like either.

He won't eat sausages. It's the texture he can't stand with them.

My eldest will eat almost anything and will try anything once. Was a real shock to the system to then get a fussy child, who has been fussy since his first taste of solid food,

I think the people talked about in the op are rude though. It's not on the op to ensure there is food they will like, especially as they were last minute additions. It's up to the parents to take stuff with them to tide the kids over

You didn't do anything wrong, but I have noticed BBQ menus do change post kids, you'll usually find more sandwiches, plain salads, nuggets and pizzas on them, mine do now because I have kids and nearly all my friends do

Not any barbecue I’ve been to, or hosted. It’s a barbecue not a kids birthday party, why would anyone want to do two lots of catering?

OP how old were the fussy eaters? Hopefully not the 12 year old? 😳 I’d be ashamed to take a pack up and snacks for a kid in high school if I was their parent. For a three year old, maybe.