To expect kids to eat bbq food?

[whynowe]

DH has invited his uni mates for a bbq at our house tonight. it was planned a few weeks ago.
However yesterday a few have asked if their wives and DC can come too. Of course we said yes.

We had plenty of food for everyone. Beef burgers/ chicken burgers/ chicken drums/ sausages & halloumi on the bbq + quite a few salads/ potato salad/ fries/ pasta salads etc

So I assumed the 3 DC (aged 5-12) would eat the same food as us

two wives( mothers of the children) got all emotional on me as I didn’t have anything “acceptable” for their children to eat. “Oh they can’t eat any of this!! “
They said next time I should ask before having children over .. but they will forgive me because I’m not a mum yet (I’m 32 weeks pregnant with our first)

Anyway the 2 wives left early and will HAVE to stop at McDonald’s on the way home as the children are starving. We had burgers too not McDonald’s ones though 😂

I said to DH I don’t want to ever see them again. He agrees they were rude to me and kept using “you’re still young, we will forgive you on this occasion”
I’m a little younger than any of them in this group.
AIBU to have expected the kids to eat same as the rest or should I have asked in advance? I thought there was plenty of choice between meats/ cheeses/ veg/ breads/ potatoes/ pasta etc 😅 not sure what else I could’ve done.

@Parker231 It exactly is the reason, I did it and our daughters dietician told us as much. Fussy eating in children is almost exclusively a problem in affluent western countries. I know that I was the reason for my daughters fussy eating, when she was weaning if she didn’t like something or threw it on the floor I’d run off to make her something else. She learnt that if she didn’t eat something or try something new it was fine because I’d rush off to prepare one of her favourites. It got to the point that she would eat nothing but a few select foods, lost weight and stopped growing.

We’ve worked incredibly hard with a dietician to fix this. Now we eat the foods we want to eat, we make sure she has options and there is a component she likes but if she doesn’t eat it, it’s up to her. Running off to make mini pizzas or fish fingers is just making things 10x worse. It was hard to start with but it works. Silly things like this morning my daughter ate a pancake for the first time. It has taken weeks of serving it but today she ate it, enjoyed it and asked for more.

Mine would have hoovered that stuff up from a tiny age! What kid doesn't like a burger or a sausage?! Bonkers. You were much more polite than I would have been!

The burgers I can understand - I don’t like BBQ’d food.

However, there was bread and fries available so unless they took them to McDonalds for chicken nuggets and fruit then there were things they could have eaten

It was very obviously an excuse to have a pop at the OP about her age, again.

@kierenthecommunity Fair enough, you haven't, but all the ones I've been to do differ post kids. And it isn't two lots of catering, it's just a slightly different menu - I'm sure even in my pre kid days my menu wouldn't be exactly the same as yours, that doesn't mean you do two lots of catering and I don't.

What a shame you didn’t have the confidence to just eat whatever you fancied, even if that did include a “kids” snack (I LOVE the under 12 (months!) apple organix rice cakes!

You know I never would have considered making sandwiches using kiddie cheese triangles if my friend's son hadn't decided those were the only ones he liked, but a plate full of them on some nice brown bread empties faster than any other sandwich choice on offer.

Like fish finger butties, who doesn't like fish finger butties? I was in my 30s before I remembered how much I missed them, they're a staple buffet or BBQ menu item to me now. Maybe I'm just low rent, though, hahahaha

I have a 6 and 10 year old who would love that. We often have BBQs with friends and the kids all eat BBQ food. If their kids are that fussy they should have brought food with them.

Why would you take offense if someone elses children have weird eating habits, have ARFID, are going through a particular phase, and won't eat the food you're serving. It's not about you!

I mean it is polite to say 'I'll bring some cheese triangles for little Jimmy he won't eat anything else at the minute' but .. really, offended?

And there are good, valid reasons other than 'medical allergies' that may mean someone won't eat what you consider to be a 'good choice of food'.

I'm sorry, I find it hilarious that they turned up their noses at a bbq offering food including burgers, chicken, fries and salad, and went to mcdonalds which is known for serving....burgers, chicken (ok chicken nuggets), fries and salad!

They would have absolutely been rude twats anyway for being so patronising to you and expecting extra food given that they weren't even originally invited but at least it would have made a bit more sense if you were serving very spicy Indian food or something! But what kids don't eat burgers and sausages!

@WiddlinDiddlin - I would consider it rude to take your own food when the host has already provided it. We’re in France for the month and hosted many BBQ’s for family and friends with children from toddlers upwards. No one has brought their own food and children and adults have enjoyed the BBQ food. My cousins four and six year olds seemed to be permanently in the queue for food coming off the grill at last nights BBQ.

I completely agree @WiddlinDiddlin

I don’t think it’s rude to bring suitable snacks for children who might not like what’s on offer at a BBQ or similar event. It’s a kindness to the child and also prevents upset if they don’t want to eat anything.

So they invited themselves and their kids over and then complained you didn't have special food for the children?

Very rude and self entitled.

But - I will admit, pre-kids I did think that rich, BBQ food was fine for kids, because it kind of resembles what I thought of as kid's food. But for most kids it probably isn't, because of the heaviness and strong flavours - a big, meaty BBQ burger isn't anything like a small, ground beef McDonald's burger; and lots of kids don't eat the burgers from McDonald's, it's the nuggets they eat, because they like beige crap!

Well that's a mahoosive over-generalisation! I don't think it's true at all to say that "most kids" wouldn't eat a barbecue burger. I think most kids absolutely would, it's the extreme fussy eaters, and/or the ones who have been brought up thinking there is such a thing as "kid's food" that only eat beige crap. And if your child is that fussy you can't expect everyone else to automatically expect it and cater for it, because it really is not the norm.

What utter rude, ungrateful arseholes!!!

The onus is on THEM to provide for their kids if they're invited to a BBQ & know their kids won't eat the standard type of food that's bound to be on offer - it's not up to you to have a crystal ball & offer all manner of alternatives.

I would have been VERY dismissive & probably rude back to them - you're a very nice person! Those types of people will always make snarky comments about pointless shit & it just shows what twats they are.

Don't invite them again. Ever!

I will admit, pre-kids I did think that rich, BBQ food was fine for kids, because it kind of resembles what I thought of as kid's food. But for most kids it probably isn't,

What an odd thing to think. At barbecues where there have been lots of children the sausages and burgers have generally been the less expensive supermarket ones, and I doubt that they would be any "richer" than anything the children get at home.

so the bbqs you go to with children tend to be cheap burger and sausages.

bbqs I go to and previously the pp, generally tends to be lots of beautiful cuts of meat and fish marinaded in different sauces, salads containing strong dressings and likely nuts and seeds, potatos dressed with mustard, onions, paprika etc.

neither one type better or worse than the other , but I certainly don’t think the PP was “odd” for thinking as she did, because no doubt her bbq experiences were similar to mine- hence her reasoning pre children

Sorry that was to @RampantIvy

neither one type better or worse than the other , but I certainly don’t think the PP was “odd” for thinking as she did, because no doubt her bbq experiences were similar to mine- hence her reasoning pre children

But she said that it kind of resembles what she thought of as kids' food. The barbecues you describe don't sound like what is often considered to be food aimed at kids.

We are talking about pre children

pre children I have no experience whatsoever of children and really had bugger all idea beyond a vague “oh kids like burgers”

My 6 year old can be pretty fussy but would have hoovered up sausages halloumi and fries. They sound bloody rude.

so the bbqs you go to with children tend to be cheap burger and sausages.

@Endlesslypatient82 I don't go to barbecues with children. DD is 22 so those years are a long time ago, but when we went to church barbecues with her, yes it was supermarket sausages, burgers and chicken drumsticks (which none of us touched because we weren't convinced they were properly cooked).

Guests would rock up with an assortments of salads and desserts/cake.

We don't go to many barbecues, but have actually been to two this year.
Fare has included nice burgers and sausages, salmon, vegetable kebabs and corn on the cob, plus an assortment of salads. None of my friends can afford to provide "beautiful cuts of meat" for 18 plus people. I don't move in those kind of circles.

The food you describe sounds delicious, but I don't know anyone who would provide gorgeous sounding barbecue food like that.

But you can appreciate that for some - it is the normal?

I do a couple every summer - family get together and then one for three oldest friends and their families. I spend hundreds and hundreds.

and they do the same for me.

we aren’t all local to each other (within an hour or so of London). And all high incomes.

I’m not talking about 3x a week get togethers, which would impact I imagine what my friends, family and I serve.

But I put on 2, and then attend three family ones and 3 friends one. All on a weekend and all a lovely long day “event”.

I spend hundreds and hundreds.

I think you'll find that this is beyond normal for most people.

I don't have kids yet but I could still tell you what typical kids fare is and what you're likely to find on a kids menu.

lots of beautiful cuts of meat and fish marinaded in different sauces, salads containing strong dressings and likely nuts and seeds, potatos dressed with mustard, onions, paprika etc.

And this is definitely not it. I'd be surprised if anyone thought it was, delicious as it sounds.