Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Porn culture has led to women suffering injuries during sex

890 replies

Doyoumind · 12/08/2022 10:01

Apart from all the violence etc porn portrays as normal, anal sex is definitely treated as an everyday thing that women enjoy. I don't personally. I know some women claim they do but I've certainly known men who pressure for it and I'm guessing it's only got worse in the years since I was dating.

This article suggests women are unknowingly entering into something that can cause serious injuries.

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

OP posts:
jd88123 · 12/08/2022 14:37

Alot of young men now think it's their right to just do anal sex when having vaginal sex with a woman. I had been seeing a guy and we were dtd then he tried to push it in my bum. I said no and he kept going until I cried as it was sore. You need to be lubed up and relaxed for this. I'm aware he basically tried to rape me. Afterwards I told him to go and he messaged me with a meme "sorry I put it in your ass" as if it was a joke! Blocked and deleted he was. But it made me think I wonder how many other woman he tried that with. Disgusting.

CrazyBatLady66 · 12/08/2022 14:39

gnilliwdog · 12/08/2022 14:30

@CrazyBatLady66 I think women in porn use drugs to relax muscles and to be a bit out of it. That maybe why they look like they are enjoying it. I am old and still remember the days when men thought cunnilingus was the ultimate thrill.

I certainly don't think they are enjoying it, obviously, they are acting, but honestly, if you have to be off your head then that tells you all you need to know. However I get there are some women on here who say they enjoy it, I don't have a problem with that, it is just that it is seen as expected now and younger women not to mention vulnerable women, may feel like they have to agree. This did not happen years ago as people had to go and buy a porn film in a shop so it was harder to access, and now it is available on people's phones. The issue I have with it is that porn is often what young people look to for their sex education. It is not reality and personally, I think that sex education should be much better in school and talk about coercion etc and pressure and not just talk about the biology

Astrabees · 12/08/2022 14:40

From my point of view it can be very enjoyable, probably one of the most intense of sexual experiences, but it has to be done with respect and sensitivity. The correct technique is nothing like the way anal sex is depicted in porn.

xogossipgirlxo · 12/08/2022 14:40

"Love these kind of unequivocal posts on Mumsnet, there should be a klaxon sounded for pearl clutchers so they know this is their thread
Yes some of us occasionally enjoy anal sex. Sorry.
However , and it’s a big caveat… go back and read earlier in the thread where people have described clumsy boyfriends trying to do anal without consent."

@SavoirFlair well, this is what I was referring to with my post, but just not very clear as you can see lol. Thanks for calling me pearl clutcher though.

VestaTilley · 12/08/2022 14:43

Agree. It’s repulsive and, in my view, an abuse of women driven by pornography.

I’ve never done it and never want to - neither has/does DH! I wouldn’t be with a man who did. So damaging for women, and not pleasurable.

SunnyD44 · 12/08/2022 14:43

YANBU

When I was younger I wanted to try it but none of my friends or partner had ever tried it or knew anyone who had.

Now I’d say most men and many women have tried it or want to try it.

If people want to try it then that’s their choice just like oral sex but I think many young don’t realise that it’s not the ‘norm’.

I can’t see how it’s enjoyable for men to do it, let alone women to receive it.

I get men enjoying receiving it as it feels pleasurable but I don’t believe women have a g spot in their anus so I don’t know what they actually get from it other than pleasuring their partner like oral sex.

msssm · 12/08/2022 14:43

Thatswhyimacat · 12/08/2022 13:40

I hate the attitude, prominently displayed on this thread, that if a woman actually likes anything that you don't, or anything that a man likes, she's a pick me cool girl who's brainwashed by the patriarchy and desperate to be special.

Stop patronising and putting women down, and take your superiority complex back to your echo chamber.

(Happy to describe in graphic detail exactly what it is I like about anal but I thought I'd leave it)

👏👏👏👏👏👏

ladymaiasaura · 12/08/2022 14:45

So many people commenting who clearly haven’t bothered reading the article. Anal sex is more dangerous for women than it is for men. The article explains why. I’m not sure why people are getting offended at the suggestion that education is required to ensure it is practiced as safely as possible.

millymog11 · 12/08/2022 14:45

"“Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said."

Nothing shouts louder that you literally do not care one jot about your partner that you might put pressure on her to do something (or even just try to persuade her if she is in two minds) where the above are accepted potential consequences.

msssm · 12/08/2022 14:45

TomAllenWife · 12/08/2022 13:51

@Mojoj could you be any more patronising???

This. Disgusting judgement of women by women.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 12/08/2022 14:46

I'm just sick of mens attitude to sex now. That includes my ex husband who thought anything vanilla was boring and it had to be new and exciting everytime - porn type stuff. All this was of course triggered by the extreme porn he had started to watch, most of the men I meet now want this and it just makes me sick.
What happened to love making with someone you love.
Now you have to have a vibrator in one hole, him in another whilst standing on your head. No thank you. I'd rather not bother.

SunnyD44 · 12/08/2022 14:48

I hate the attitude, prominently displayed on this thread, that if a woman actually likes anything that you don't, or anything that a man likes, she's a pick me cool girl who's brainwashed by the patriarchy and desperate to be special.

If a women wants to have anal sex then by all means crack on.

But you can’t deny that there has been a massive increase in people doing or wanting to do anal than there used to be and that’s because people think they ‘should’ do it rather than actually wanting to.

msssm · 12/08/2022 14:48

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps don't you accept that other people have different opinions to you?

My first experience was very similar to yours. Where it differs though is that I really enjoyed it. I love the sensations that you seemed to hate. Is that ok that not everyone will feel the same?

gnilliwdog · 12/08/2022 14:49

@msssm I think it's more that it's so common in porn and porn is so available. Men get the message that it's a normal part of sex and all women love it. It's also combined with other sadistic behaviour in porn, so men can get conditioned to needing a repertoire of abusive behaviour to enjoy sex at all.

msssm · 12/08/2022 14:53

@SammyScrounge 'THAT is the last thing we should teach young women. They need to learn that they have a right to enjoy sex and that their pleasure centres (very rich pleasure centres)are not located in their anus, that orgasms start in another place and that anal sex is gross anyway.'

I am all for proper education to be able to give informed consent. But isn't what you are mooting here very similar to a a guy saying ' it's amazing you'll love it, go on'?

It's putting your opinion to someone as a fact that you expect them to agree and go along with. Just another form of coercion.

CrazyBatLady66 · 12/08/2022 14:53

SunnyD44 · 12/08/2022 14:48

I hate the attitude, prominently displayed on this thread, that if a woman actually likes anything that you don't, or anything that a man likes, she's a pick me cool girl who's brainwashed by the patriarchy and desperate to be special.

If a women wants to have anal sex then by all means crack on.

But you can’t deny that there has been a massive increase in people doing or wanting to do anal than there used to be and that’s because people think they ‘should’ do it rather than actually wanting to.

This is exactly the point, that it is now expected. There are enough replies on here that illustrate how many women are either basically raped anally whilst having intercourse or coerced into it so that a man can tick it off his checklist to earn his "brown wings". This is not the same thing as the women on here who are saying they consented and enjoyed it. It has become the norm.

DobbyHasASock · 12/08/2022 14:54

From the article:

However, women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. “Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said.

“Women are at a higher risk of incontinence than men because of their different anatomy and the effects of hormones, pregnancy and childbirth on the pelvic floor.

“Women have less robust anal sphincters and lower anal canal pressures than men, and damage caused by anal penetration is therefore more consequential.

“The pain and bleeding women report after anal sex is indicative of trauma, and risks may be increased if anal sex is coerced,” they said.

National Survey of Sexual Attitudes research undertaken in Britain has found that the proportion of 16- to 24-year-olds engaging in heterosexual anal intercourse has risen from 12.5% to 28.5% over recent decades. Similarly, in the US 30% to 45% of both sexes have experienced it.

“It is no longer considered an extreme behaviour but increasingly portrayed as a prized and pleasurable experience,” wrote Hunt, a surgeon in Sheffield, and Gana, a trainee colorectal surgeon in Yorkshire.

Many doctors, though, especially GPs and hospital doctors, are reluctant to talk to women about the risks involved, partly because they do not want to seem judgmental or homophobic, they add.

“However, with such a high proportion of young women now having anal sex, failure to discuss it when they present with anorectal symptoms exposes women to missed diagnoses, futile treatments and further harm arising from a lack of medical advice,” the surgeons said.

NHS patient information about the risks of anal sex is incomplete because it only cites STIs, and makes “no mention of anal trauma, incontinence or the psychological aftermath of the coercion young women report in relation to this activity”.

Seeing as some people are too busy promoting anal sex and their cool girl reputation to actually read it.

It

millymog11 · 12/08/2022 14:54

"What happened to love making with someone you love.
Now you have to have a vibrator in one hole, him in another whilst standing on your head. No thank you. I'd rather not bother."

A long long time ago there was this really antiquated idea that sex and love were somehow linked to each other.

Now men don't even bother to feign something, they literally just hate women so much that if they do not agree to anything which appears in porn they have watched they are going to try to shame them.

Terrified for my daughter.

Polimolly · 12/08/2022 14:55

"Just wondered if any other older women on here have had the same experience of not being asked for anal sex"

I'm 52 and the first time I was asked, I was 19, so maybe it's more common now, but certainly nothing new.

Rooroobear · 12/08/2022 14:55

I think women are allowed to enjoy what they want knowing the consequences. It looks like I’m the odd one out because I really enjoy it. Im not ashamed to say it…..it’s what I’m into and have to say that it really turns me on. You like what you like.

Crikeyalmighty · 12/08/2022 14:55

@VioletInsolence I do agree- on my first date 45 years ago the 17 year old lad turned up with a big box of Choco and a bunch of flowers !! Now it seems by 2nd date he would be asking if I do anal!! There seems to be a lack of building a relationship and an expectation of porn practices amongst many men

CrazyBatLady66 · 12/08/2022 14:57

Polimolly · 12/08/2022 14:55

"Just wondered if any other older women on here have had the same experience of not being asked for anal sex"

I'm 52 and the first time I was asked, I was 19, so maybe it's more common now, but certainly nothing new.

Ok that is interesting. My main worry is that so many abusive/misogynistic behaviours have come from porn being so widespread that younger women feel pressured and "boring " if they don't want to.

Bluelightbaby · 12/08/2022 15:00

11GrumpsaGrumping · 12/08/2022 11:30

I actually do like anal- I really enjoy it in fact.

Women's anuses are no different than men's- what nonsense!

However, safe anal takes knowledge, consent, and practice. You need lots of lube, you need to start small to relax the muscles, and you need to ensure that you're empty, so to speak. Unsafe anal can cause serious injury - as, might I add, can unsafe and non-consensual vaginal sex.

The issue isn't with anal, it's with the unsafe depiction of it in porn, the lack of education on how to do it safely, and the lack of discussion around pleasure, pain, and consent.

THAT is what we need to teach young women!

The last thing we need is for women who do enjoy anal to feel ashamed of it.

It's not just for gay men, as a PP intimated!

This !!!

I enjoy anal sex…..well I used to with my ex husband but my new partner is hung like a flipping horse and it’s never going to happen.

Anal sex doesn’t have to be tabu or wrong. If done correctly and with consent it’s just another level of intimacy

but with everything in life, each to their own.

some women hate or refuse to give blow jobs, personally I get a lot of pleasure myself from giving my partner one

DobbyHasASock · 12/08/2022 15:00

The posters who are suggesting that some sort of sex education around lube or whatever precautions you take are being very shortsighted.

With activities that carry a decent level of risk of harm we don't promote it, even if there is a better way to do it.

Schools teach don't do drugs. They don't teach not to have water with extacy or clean needles are fine.

We don't teach that s and m choking or breath play is fine because it is an internally dangerous thing to do.

Perhaps anal slips under the radar because the consequences usually only effect the individual and can be invisible.

But it smacks to me of a total lack of care for the people who end up with consequences to just breezily suggest education.

Namechange10002 · 12/08/2022 15:01

Just want to put my two pen'orth in and say I believe porn has ultimately ruined my marriage and yes has left me injured, physically and emotionally. Although I know this is a conscious decision of my dh's to watch it and no one is forcing him so ultimately it's on him.

And also: this is not something that is exclusive to the young. My dh is 50 years old and due to his (what I believe is probably) a porn addiction and the problems this has led to in our relationship, I am now seriously considering divorce.

As long as 20 years ago when we first started dating I found a huge stash of porn magazines in his spare room. I questioned him about it then but he said he'd only used them when he was single (a lie of course but I was in love and thought "ok, I can get over this"). We went on to marry and have dc's and when my youngest was a baby I found out he had been on dating websites talking to various women (all sex talk) Again when challenged he minimised/denied and said it was just about the "titillation" aspect of it when he was bored at work (!!).

Over the years have caught him several times watching porn, seen gross things in his search history.

Foolishly perhaps I ultimately tried to get over it as I had 2 young dc's and a tiny baby. I also was a sahm and didn't see how I could financially cope alone.

Then there's our sex life: what I used to think was good just isn't anymore. Being on MN especially has taught me a lot about consent, porn addiction and the affects of that and just feeling stronger in myself in general and what misogynistic twats a lot of men are.
Over the years dh has always tried to push my boundaries and get me to do stuff I may have been uncomfortable with. It honestly feels like it has just got worse and worse as he's got older. Not so much the frequency of sex anymore as that has wained a bit probably due to his age but the things he wants to do. I have occasionally done anal bc he wanted to (and a large part of me - stupidly - thought of him on those dating websites and felt like if I don't do this stuff he might look for someone who will behind my back) but then a while back after struggling and in pain for days afterwards told him "no more."
There are other things he always wants to do that I can't even bring myself to mention as well as strangling me/pulling my hair. Then it progressed to punching me in the ribs and back, leaving bruises. I would talk to him about it afterwards and how I didn't like it and ask him why he felt the need to do it and the answer seems to always be variations of "you enjoy it, don't pretend you don't". He would then stop for a bit but then do it again, or move on to something else. I've also had the spitting thing. The most recent one and strangely the one that has made me think "enough now" is the last time we had sex he started calling me a "fat bitch". He said it several times and I was really shocked. I'm not fat at all btw, but that's not the point! It really upset me bc I realised it's about him getting off on humiliating me. I've realised that ultimately this is about him and his problems, whatever they are, with not being able to have normal, "vanilla" sex and be able to come. I believe this is probably due to him watching lots of porn and probably wanking to increasingly extreme things and now being unable to enjoy "normal" sex with his wife.

I am so angry and resentful of him now that ive told him I'd like him to leave (there are other issues too as if this wasn't enough!)

He's currently staying elsewhere and I'm home with the dc's whilst I think about my future.I don't really want him to come home. In some ways I love him, and we could've had a good future together but this has just blighted everything for me and I'm sick of it. I know in my heart he can't really love me.

And I believe it's all tied up in porn culture and the way it normalises these extreme sexual practices and makes women feel they are inferior or prudish if they don't wish to engage in these things or see them as normal.

Sorry, I know I'm rambling and I don't really know what I want from this post except maybe seeing it written down will make me take it seriously and say to some of those who don't think it's a big deal "this is what porn has done to my marriage and to me". I'm feeling very sad atm. It breaks my heart to think of my dd ever going through any of this - I can only hope she finds a better man than her father.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.