AIBU to think that no, you don’t “deserve” new clothes.

[TraceyTheHamster]

I know I’m being snobby, but can anyone see where I’m coming from?

I’ve got a friend who is always skint. I know it isn’t easy for her; as Universal credit is her only income. I’m regularly lending her money for everyday expenses; food, rent etc. she owes me several hundred pounds at this point.

We’d pre-arranged to meet in town for a coffee this morning. She’s asks if we can pop to town for a couple bits… turns out she’s had the £300 cost of living payment and has just spent pretty much all of it on new clothes, make-up etc.

I had visions of getting a text from her in a weeks time asking to borrow £20 for food… so I gently suggested that she save some of it.

She got a bit snotty with me and replied that she hasn’t had been clothes in ages and “deserves” them.

Aibu to think this isn’t what the cost of living payment is for!

@Angrypandy I'm more left wing than you could imagine - just your post was so sick making 🤮 - nothing to contribute to the thread except look at me, higher rate tax payer who just can't bear to spend money, aye right you're not in a Dickens novel you know.

I agree with everyone that you need to say no next time she asks. I don't think you'll get your money back either tbh. But I don't think you should lend money unless you can afford to lose it.

And actually I totally understand the exhaustion that goes with having to think about every single penny you ever spend, and never, ever buying anything you want, only stuff you need. For me, i don't really need to spend, as just going to a supermarket and being able to do a normal shop without worrying about it is a huge privilege. I do get how hard it is. But the "I deserve it" trope is still incredibly damaging, and isn't the way out of poverty.

Thank you @RenegadeMatron

@SleepingAgent stay in your echo chamber then. If you'd known crippling poverty you would understand that mindset, and have a bit of tolerance. This is the problem of polarisation. You're either extreme left or extreme right. These days it's basically the same thing.

@Angrypandy

you have absolutely no idea of my heritage, upbringing or experience of poverty but I don't come on a thread to talk about how I just can't bear to spend money on little ol' me. Vom.

my sister would probably do this if she had any extra payment-she cant see anything past her next holiday

everyone deserves new stuff sdont they what about the rest of us who wont be getting any payments

Stop lending this woman money, you are unlikely to get it back. People who talk about 'deserving things' they can't afford and often don't work for have a strong sense of entitlement. This is why the cost of living payment shouldn't have gone directly to the person.

Where should the payment have gone then?

From the comments about it on MN that I have seen, a lot of people used it for school uniform, some replaced broken appliances. Some people just saw it get them into the black again. A friend of mine bought a new bed and shoes with hers... both very much needed items.

Why are some people so concerned with how the poorest in society spend their money?

There will be the Chav apologists that will excuse any loss of state funds as detrimental to mental health, necessary for their lives etc etc.
I am bored. I suspect many who don't wait for funds to go shopping are also bored.

Yes, everyone deserves to be able to buy clothes.

Stop lending her money and then keep your nose out.

Why are some people so concerned with how the poorest in society spend their money

ERR, because of their taxes.

I agree @XenoBitch

They do.

If they work for them.

Seconded!

Ok, so anyone that does not have a job has to dress in sack cloth and eat gruel.

Nice. Maybe pop back to the Daily Mail/The Sun comments section.

You seem to be implying that the OP’s friend was right to spend the payment on clothes, not keeping any back for a rainy day or to pay back what she owed.

The suggestion should have been for her to pay you back some of what you loaned to her. Tell her you deserve that! Don't lend her any more. I know where you are coming from, though; I have loaned money to friends. One said she couldn't put food on the table, but then showed off her fancy new kettle... 😳

@XenoBitch

Ok, so anyone that does not have a job has to dress in sack cloth and eat gruel.

Or use half of that money to pay a friend back. People tend to buy more clothes than they need and spend to much on them. H&M is pretty cheap and buying second hand can be really great value. I buy a lot of second hand clothes and we're on 150k a year. People don't need a zillion dresses and tops. A capsule wardrobe with just a few flattering colours is a much better idea both financially and style wise.

What she needs is a job. An actual focus. Then she would have something for her beyond the children.

To how many people did you owe money at the time that you did not pay back?

What do you think your taxes pay? It's many things including nhs, community services, social care etc. you pay tax based on what you earn as a contribution to society you are not paying people directly and therefore get to have some sense of entitlement. If I were you I'd worry more about what the rich are doing with their money because if they paid their taxes properly our country would be in a significantly better place.

Op you don't get to dictate how other adults spend their money. But you can say no to lending money.

XenoBitch

Why are some people so concerned with how the poorest in society spend their money?

Well OP has lent her money & seen nothing. She's not unreasonable to want some repaid is she?

Also she's now anticipating being asked to help again with bills as her friend has spent all the government top up.

The highest earners pay a disproportionately high amount of tax. Where are you getting the idea from that they don’t?