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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you judge parents with toddlers on reins?

205 replies

Strategist · 11/08/2022 14:33

You ARE being unreasonable = no
You AREN'T being unreasonable = yes

(Personally I use reins in crowds, but my husband reckons most people judge us. I'm interested to see.)

OP posts:
Kite22 · 12/08/2022 22:31

Stichintimesavesstapling · 12/08/2022 20:53

I wish my toddler would wear reins. Whenever we've tried he grabs the 'lead' and runs off. If we grab the lead off him he flings himself on the floor and cries for 20 minutes. So we now just have to wear sports wear whenever we are out to ensure we are ever ready to do the 100m dash across whatever shopping centre/museum etc he's decided to 'explore'

I am interested if you take the same line when they decide they don't want to be strapped in a car seat ?
All mine when through a phase of not wanting to be strapped in, but keeping them safe was non-negotiable for me.

Whatsyournameandwheredyoucomefrom · 16/08/2022 12:13

Franklyfrost · 11/08/2022 15:09

@Whatsyournameandwheredyoucomefrom
how do reigns prevent you from teaching your child to stay close to you? Confused
…..

Because a child on reigns can stray from the parent until they feel the reigns which is their cue for returning towards the parent. That means that when the child isn’t wearing reigns then they have no internalised cue for returning. A child who is allowed to walk independently will get more practice in because their parent will be giving clear verbal feedback about staying close, stopping at roads, not waking on the edge of the pavement etc. I felt overall it’s safer to have a child who’s learnt those things sooner rather than later but different strokes…

But you still give those cues when your kid is on reigns which is why I'm confused - you physically can't steer/ control a child with reigns alone and need to tell them 'stay close', 'this way', 'hold my hand' etc. If I tried to pull my one year old back towards me or he reached the tension on the reigns at any kind of speed he'd likely topple over. Imo reigns are amazing for early walkers before they have the cognition to understand verbal cues like that and also while they're learning what they mean - you can't expect a one year old to instantly know what you mean when you say 'stop' or 'come here', and if you don't have reigns it could already be too late. When you're sure they understand the verbal cues and are trustworthy, you take off the reigns anyway so I don't see the problem at all.

Somanymistakes · 16/08/2022 12:17

No. And anyone who says that a toddler will never go out of sight of their parents has never had a runner.

My son was on reins till he was 4. He ran and ran and ran. On reins he ran and I trotted along behind him. It was like having a springer spaniel.

Somanymistakes · 16/08/2022 12:20

My friend had twin runners. She used special reins that attached to a waist belt so she would have hands free when getting them in/out of the car etc

TruJay · 16/08/2022 12:35

Absolutely not! My autistic daughter would be dead now had I not used reins or her buggy and now she’s bigger, her wheelchair. Even with her reins she’s bolted straight off the path and into the road.

I have been judged many many times though and people have made awful comments to and about us. It used to really hurt until my daughter was about 2ish and I just thought, they don’t know our situation or live our lives, this is what we have to do and if it keeps my daughter safe then that’s what we do. We still get comments now and dd is almost 9! Some I answer, some I ignore.

People will judge other’s parenting choices no matter what!

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