Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you judge parents with toddlers on reins?

205 replies

Strategist · 11/08/2022 14:33

You ARE being unreasonable = no
You AREN'T being unreasonable = yes

(Personally I use reins in crowds, but my husband reckons most people judge us. I'm interested to see.)

OP posts:
gatehouseoffleet · 11/08/2022 15:38

mrsbrown2011 · 11/08/2022 14:40

I grew up in the era when the Jamie Bulger tragedy occurred, so no I would never judge a parent who does this.

Exactly this. It might be that if you are very young when you have your kids and haven't heard of this case, you'd think it wasn't quite the thing to do, but if you are in that age category, look it up.

In any event it can also prevent other tragedies like running out in front of cars.

Pixiedust1234 · 11/08/2022 15:40

No i don't judge if they use reins. I am more likely to judge if they don't and their young child isn't near them.

My first was on reins as she was a begger for running off or refusing to hold hands, the second would walk next to me and hold hands to cross roads, so it really depends on the child if you need them.

bcc89 · 11/08/2022 15:43

Franklyfrost · 11/08/2022 15:09

@Whatsyournameandwheredyoucomefrom
how do reigns prevent you from teaching your child to stay close to you? Confused
…..

Because a child on reigns can stray from the parent until they feel the reigns which is their cue for returning towards the parent. That means that when the child isn’t wearing reigns then they have no internalised cue for returning. A child who is allowed to walk independently will get more practice in because their parent will be giving clear verbal feedback about staying close, stopping at roads, not waking on the edge of the pavement etc. I felt overall it’s safer to have a child who’s learnt those things sooner rather than later but different strokes…

I'm not willing to let my child be without reins whilst they learn that. It would take just one second for her to decide with her little toddler brain to run into the road.
Each to their own, but my choice will always be the extra safety.

89redballoons · 11/08/2022 15:47

No, I use them myself with my 2 year old, especially when I also have the baby in the pram or sling. If the toddler ran out into the road and I also had the baby, I don't think I'd physically be able to grab the toddler while also keeping baby safe.

Normally I end up holding the toddler's hand anyway, with the reins looped over my wrist as an extra precaution. Other times if he's trotting along close to me, I'll walk at his speed so the reins are slack. I'd never actually pull or drag him by the reins unless it was to get him out of immediate danger. I would probably judge someone who did that.

DiscoBadgers · 11/08/2022 15:48

Whenever threads like this come up, it's impossible not to think of @MrsPresley.

Here is her post:
MrsPresley · 24/05/2013 22:33
I'm the poster mentioned a couple of times up there^^
My DS was hit by a car and died because his dad didn't put his reins on him (or his twin sister), he was in a hurry and thought for a short journey it wouldn't matter.
Well we all found out, in the worst way possible that it does matter, it only takes a minute to put them on, and it took less than a minute for my DS to end up under a car, while ExDH was distracted by DD.
Please please always use reins, no matter how short your journey, if you are near a road then put them on.
Believe me when I say you really don't want the life I have had for the past 28 years, I wouldn't wish that on anyone!
Even though I had another 3 children, there is a huge emptiness that will never be filled.
And thank you to the posters who have remembered me, hopefully on the next "reins" thread there will be some more parents who will remember me and please keep telling people how important reins can be Smile
Oh and if anyone says it's like putting them on a lead like a dog, well, would you let your dog run about the streets without a lead

I always use reins with DS, who is now 5 but autistic, and I will for as long as I need to.

Ask your husband if he'd rather be like MrsPresley's husband.

@MrsPresley I don't know if you are still on MN, or still using this username, but I just wanted to say that I think of you often, and I hope you know how many little children have been kept safe by advice on here thanks to you sharing your story. x

QuestionableMouse · 11/08/2022 15:51

Franklyfrost · 11/08/2022 15:09

@Whatsyournameandwheredyoucomefrom
how do reigns prevent you from teaching your child to stay close to you? Confused
…..

Because a child on reigns can stray from the parent until they feel the reigns which is their cue for returning towards the parent. That means that when the child isn’t wearing reigns then they have no internalised cue for returning. A child who is allowed to walk independently will get more practice in because their parent will be giving clear verbal feedback about staying close, stopping at roads, not waking on the edge of the pavement etc. I felt overall it’s safer to have a child who’s learnt those things sooner rather than later but different strokes…

It's reins. Reigns is something a monarch does.

And no, because you can quite easily loop the reins around your wrist and still hold hands with the child. And you can absolutely do everything you've said while using them. Your mouth doesn't seize up the second you clip them on...

But hey, I once clipped a lead rope to the back of my oldest nephew's jeans because he refused to hold hands and kept running off. I was on crutches at the time so couldn't chase him, and I remember the horror of him vanishing around the corner in the park to this day.

Lincslady53 · 11/08/2022 15:52

In the 90s we had a shop in the middle of a town centre shopping centre. At that time in front of us was a large, circular display area, used for temporary promotions etc. Known in the town as the Bullring. Local mums used to meet with their toddlers for a chat and a smoke. We regularly used to have their kids running into the shop playing hide and seek etc (twas f'ing annoying to be fair) Then Jsmie Bulger was killed. We were 30 odd miles from Liverpool, but overnight all the kids were on reins. I think reins are brilliant with young children who don't know the dangers that exist.

FrustatedAgain · 11/08/2022 15:52

I have reins and use them, my daughter almost ran in the road in front of a car once, she's quick, I barely had a moment to catch her. I think reins are sensible thing to use.
People who think they are not a good idea have either never parented or been blessed with children who choose not to leave their sides.

QuestionableMouse · 11/08/2022 15:53

Oh, and they're also good for stopping the LOs from falling over!

Purpleforthewin · 11/08/2022 15:55

Only in the context of I would judge the parent as keen to keep their child safe.

ivfbabymomma1 · 11/08/2022 15:55

I use them very regularly! So nope :)

Trinity65 · 11/08/2022 15:56

Strategist · 11/08/2022 14:33

You ARE being unreasonable = no
You AREN'T being unreasonable = yes

(Personally I use reins in crowds, but my husband reckons most people judge us. I'm interested to see.)

No I do not

I had a 2 year old when James Bulger was murdered and pregnant with my DD.
The sales of Reins went through the roof and that was/is a good thing .
Your DH would do well to read up on that tragic event before being all "Oh they are judging us" . So what if they were ?
A child's safety is more important

abblie · 11/08/2022 15:58

Not at all I used them I attached them to a rucksack so dd thought she was free by not holding mummy's hand but I had her best thing invented

00100001 · 11/08/2022 15:59

Franklyfrost · 11/08/2022 14:56

No because I think mostly it’s a child with SEN or some unusual behavioural issues, or perhaps the parent has perceptual difficulties. Plus it’s none of my business. If I knew for sure that it was a ‘normal’ kid (and it’s difficult thing to know for sure that a kid is ‘normal’ unless you’re the kids carer) then I would judge because teaching your child to stay close and keeping an eye on them is basic parenting.

Toddlers bolt. They will yank their hands away.
They will do this on grassy fields on the path next to the main road

No amount of "basic parenting" will magically make your bolter not do that. And is it worth the risk?

We we're at the coast one time when my lad was wee and we were with a friend, who's older toddler bolted and fell off the sea wall onto the beach. Probably a 5-6ft drop. He was fine luckily.

Reins might have prevented that.

emmathedilemma · 11/08/2022 15:59

absolutely not, I'm baffled why more people don't use them!

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 11/08/2022 16:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to withdraw this post.

ESCALT · 11/08/2022 16:05

Franklyfrost · 11/08/2022 14:56

No because I think mostly it’s a child with SEN or some unusual behavioural issues, or perhaps the parent has perceptual difficulties. Plus it’s none of my business. If I knew for sure that it was a ‘normal’ kid (and it’s difficult thing to know for sure that a kid is ‘normal’ unless you’re the kids carer) then I would judge because teaching your child to stay close and keeping an eye on them is basic parenting.

The last part of your comment is stupid.

dudsville · 11/08/2022 16:07

Agree with others saying they think it's a good thing.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 11/08/2022 16:08

Yes i do judge. I judge you as being a responsible parent doing the right thing for your kids! Ignore the haters

HSKAT · 11/08/2022 16:08

Absolutely not.
They were a god send my son, he wanted the freedom but I still needed the safety aspect as he would run off.

riotlady · 11/08/2022 16:09

No, not at all! We didn’t use them much because we were in lockdown for most of the time DD was at peak bolting age but we had them when needed. Far better safe than sorry

Honestly what I judge is parents who let small toddlers toddle across roads and car parks without so much as holding their hand. I’ve seen a couple recently and find it really scary- even if they don’t take off running there’s no guarantee a big car will see them when there’s no adult next to them.

Spidey66 · 11/08/2022 16:13

Of course not.

I don't have kids but I'm old. They were popular when I was a kid, but then seemed to die out, but I remember them becoming popular in the early 90s after the James Bulger case. Parents are keeping their kids safe.

I know people compare to a dog on a lead, but I keep my dog on a lead to stop her running in the road after a squirrel or to get to the park in a hurry. I'd do the same if I had a toddler. It's to keep them safe and prevent accidents.

Ihaveoflate · 11/08/2022 16:16

No, I would admire them for doing what they needed to in order to keep their child safe.

StoneofDestiny · 11/08/2022 16:19

I'd think - sensible parents keeping their child safe. Can't think of one sensible reason for not using them.

Takenoprisoner · 11/08/2022 16:21

QuestionableMouse · 11/08/2022 14:35

No.

There's a horrific story on here where a parent let go of their toddler's hand accidentally, they bolted into traffic and were killed.

Reins are a safety device and I think all toddlers should be on them near roads or in busy public places.

I will never, ever forget the day 4 year old ds ran out into the traffic while we were waiting to cross. He ran into the path of an oncoming taxi, taxi driver didn't see as ds was too small to be visible from the drivers seat. I froze, and ex dh ran out in front of the taxi to save ds and that's when the driver braked. That day could have ended very differently. Still feel utterly sick remembering it.