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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you judge parents with toddlers on reins?

205 replies

Strategist · 11/08/2022 14:33

You ARE being unreasonable = no
You AREN'T being unreasonable = yes

(Personally I use reins in crowds, but my husband reckons most people judge us. I'm interested to see.)

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 11/08/2022 18:47

I dont judge and I dont know anyone who would. I had to use them with my DS after his wrist lead failed. I would never have thought a child could move so fast!

I had them as a child as well.

As long as children are safe. We all do our best.

5foot5 · 11/08/2022 18:47

Huh? Literally never heard of anyone being negative about reins. Why would you be? Surely it is all part of keeping your toddler safe in a public place. Why on earth would anyone be critical of that?

overitall1 · 11/08/2022 19:11

Seeline · 11/08/2022 14:35

Yes - I judge them - in a positive way! It keeps the child safe whilst allowing a certain amount of freedom. Nothing wrong with them.

This!

I judge people who DON'T use them, but my eldest was the same age as Jamie Bulger...

OlympicProcrastinator · 11/08/2022 19:14

I found my toddlers hand very small and slippy at that age. And I had to bend over awkwardly to hold it. Reins were safer. What’s more important, your kids safety or other peoples opinions? End of the day, the second you become a parent you’ll get endlessly judged. Reins all the way and no I wouldn’t judge.

NoSquirrels · 11/08/2022 19:17

Never judge this.

There’s plenty I do judge but someone taking responsibility for a child’s safety isn’t one of them.

user58486267489 · 11/08/2022 19:20

No. I judge two things - parents giving babies/toddlers juice/coke/whatever in bottles and babies with pierced ears. I judge silently in my head. But I do judge.

I didn’t use reins but completely understand why people do and they would probably have been helpful sometimes!

HappyHappyHermit · 11/08/2022 19:22

I definitely wouldn't judge but I don't like them myself and wouldn't use them for my own child. Only in the same way as I don't like leopard print, cheese flavoured crisps or cruises though, they are just things that are not for me. If anyone is judging you for it then let them, people always seem to find something to judge you for so it may as well be that.

Sunnyqueen · 11/08/2022 19:29

Safety trumps ego.
I've only needed to use them with one out of three children but I didn't care at all, he was the sort of toddler who'd see a truck on the other side of the road and shout 'truck!' whilst lurching towards it.

WGACA · 11/08/2022 19:37

Seeline · 11/08/2022 14:35

Yes - I judge them - in a positive way! It keeps the child safe whilst allowing a certain amount of freedom. Nothing wrong with them.

Same!

Itsmyjuniperbush · 11/08/2022 19:42

Reins are great at stopping little ones falling when they are learning to walk. They also give them freedom as you are behind them out of sight so they get a different view of the world.
When using reins I was asked by two Japanese ladies what they were and where they could get some as they wanted them for walking next to busy streets. Does anyone else know if reins are a thing in other parts of the world?
I do think people look but they are thinking aren't they great rather than judgy negativity.

Kite22 · 11/08/2022 19:51

Haven't voted as I guess your vote is different from your question.

Yes, I judge them , but by that I mean I would be thinking - what excellent parenting. So I 'judge' in a positive way, not in a MN negative way.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 11/08/2022 21:10

No I don't, and I think it's the height of oddity to think it's weird to use them. I believe they're very judged in the USA, maybe because they don't walk anywhere?

I'd rather keep my child safe than rely on hand holding next to roads.

MyBabiesAreCute · 11/08/2022 21:19

Positive judgement here.

Londonrach1 · 11/08/2022 21:22

No. Unless you judge them for good parenting....I judge those without reins....

KvotheTheBloodless · 11/08/2022 21:44

I too often think of MrsPresley - her story is what convinced my DH to use reigns with DS. She must have saved many lives by now, after so many years of this story on MN.

Original poster
Strategist · 12/08/2022 20:32

@BeanieTeen honestly, honestly, do toddlers abroad not run or wander off? I find that hard to believe (unless maybe they're trained to be terrified of misbehaving, but that's not really my parenting style). I would love to know what the technique for getting an 18 month old to stand by your side diligently is that all the parents abroad are using 😂

OP posts:
BeanieTeen · 12/08/2022 20:42

I would love to know what the technique for getting an 18 month old to stand by your side diligently is that all the parents abroad are using

It’s a mysterious technique known as ‘hand holding’ from what I’m aware… it’s not exclusive to people abroad, British people are known to do it too @Strategist

bcc89 · 12/08/2022 20:45

Baffles me when people think they can't teach their toddler to hold hands and walk nicely whilst ALSO wearing reins just in case.

As if putting on the reins for extra protection suddenly means you're not teaching them.

Strange.

Stichintimesavesstapling · 12/08/2022 20:53

I wish my toddler would wear reins. Whenever we've tried he grabs the 'lead' and runs off. If we grab the lead off him he flings himself on the floor and cries for 20 minutes. So we now just have to wear sports wear whenever we are out to ensure we are ever ready to do the 100m dash across whatever shopping centre/museum etc he's decided to 'explore'

CeratopsofthePharoahs · 12/08/2022 20:55

Used them with both of mine. Ds1 didn't really need them, but ds2 really did. He was constantly trying to run off somewhere and was surprisingly fast for someone with little legs. He also hated reins with an absolute passion, but until he could be relied on not to attempt to jump in front of cars, throw himself down holes or just generally find new and exciting ways to injure himself, he wore the reins.
To be frank, I should have kept using them through reception and year 1. The only times I could guarantee to keep up with him was when he was obsessed with wearing his older brothers wellies - on the wrong feet.

Toddlerteaplease · 12/08/2022 20:58

I judge parents who allow their toddlers to run around unsupervised. I've retrieved toddlers several times when their oblivious parents have not noticed them running near a road. If I ever have kids. They will have reins.

Toddlerteaplease · 12/08/2022 20:59

I clearly remember wearing reins as a toddler.

Titsflyingsouth · 12/08/2022 21:02

I absolutely wouldn't judge you an inch.

WhenDoesTheWashingEnd · 12/08/2022 21:03

Nope.
My eldest was a bolter. He could go from standing to full sprint in the blink of an eye and without any warning.

RenegadeMatron · 12/08/2022 21:10

There are lots of things I judged before I became a parent!

Dummies - my parents loathed them and really frowned upon them. I sucked my thumb until I was 10 and had to get braces.

DC also needed to suck for comfort. I had all these judgmental ideas about dummies, but got over myself and gave him one, just for bedtime use. He outgrew it around 3, and at 13 has a Hollywood smile (the dentist told him this last week and we’re still ribbing him about it). No braces or orthodontic treatment needed at all.

When he started walking, we had an au pair who wanted us to get reins for him. My first thought was to clutch my pearls, but again, I got over myself. If she wanted to keep him safe, who was I to stop her?!

Long story short - pre-conceived and judgemental ideas aren’t always right, and often things that are frowned upon are actually a better / safer / more practical solution.