Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a tummy tuck instead of clearing debt?

131 replies

Fancehnanceh · 10/08/2022 20:53

Had my third DC in April and I can’t cope with looking at my body anymore everything I wear I can just see that horrible hanging belly I hate it!!. I’ve had 3 c-sections all together! My overhang before third dc never bothered me. I have lost a stone so I’m not sure if that’s what made it look worse.

anyhoo mum has offered to pay for it for me as it has really started to get me down. We have about 10k debt In total to clear on one credit card. We’re not late making payments and have put it all into a payment plan which we have stuck to which should be cleared in 2 years.

DH thinks I’m selfish and doesn’t agree with me doing it as we have a credit card to pay off. He thinks we should borrow the money of my mum and clear it and I should save up for a tummy. So I would have to pay mum back and save for a tummy tuck would take me years.

aibu? What is your thoughts.

OP posts:
Ohtoberoavingagain · 10/08/2022 20:56

Is your mum offering this as a gift ? If yes then you’re not in any worse position re your debt. Your mum might be happy to gift this to you but might not be happy lending to clear debt ( in the never a lender or borrower be mode)

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 10/08/2022 20:56

Normally I would tell you to clear your debts before having what is technically cosmetic surgery

But in this case your mum has offered to pay for it for you, she has not offered to clear your debt. I actually think it would be cheeky for you to turn round and demand the money to clear a debt instead.

Its kind of like her wanting to pay for you to go for a spa day for your birthday and your DH demanding the money instead. Seems a bit off to me.

LearnedAxolotl · 10/08/2022 20:57

If she's offering you a gift specifically for the tummy tuck then do that. If it's going to add to the household debt then don't. Cost of living crisis is here and going to get worse, don't add more to the debt.

NoseyNellie · 10/08/2022 20:58

Invest a fraction of the cost of surgery into therapy to adjust your thinking about your body - even if you have a tummy tuck, it’s not going to get you to pre-baby shape, and it’s likely that there’ll be something else you focus on after the stomach - a bit of a breast lift? Little bit of lipo on the thighs… it builds and builds

Learn to celebrate your amazing body - if it works & you’re healthy then feck what it looks like - slap on some Spanx and enjoy your life!

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 10/08/2022 20:59

Go for the TT. 2 years isn't bad to clear that debt up and she didn't offer the money for that.

35965a · 10/08/2022 20:59

Well she’s offering it specifically for the tummy tuck isn’t she? So your DH needs to mind his own business, it’s between you and your mum.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 10/08/2022 20:59

I disagree with PP if your mum has the money to lend you then I'd pay off the debt. I agree with your dh, you only had your dc in April, at least give your body a chance to heal and the hormones to settle down.

Original poster
Fancehnanceh · 10/08/2022 21:01

its not that I hate my body I don’t as I said I’ve had a overhang for years never bothered me. But since having the last baby it looks dreadful and I’ve cried so many times I shouldn’t be in my late twenties feeling like this.

OP posts:
GreenClock · 10/08/2022 21:01

Presumably she’s not offering you £xxxx to do with as you please. She’s offering you £xxxx for a specific purpose because she can see that it would lift your spirits. If you say no, the money won’t be available for other things?

Could your husband be worried about the surgery? Maybe he doesn’t want you to have it and is using the funds as an excuse.

Willowthewispy · 10/08/2022 21:02

Go for the tummy tuck op. I would love one but too scared to get one. My overhang is really bad and clothes never look right and I am always self conscious about it.

Go and live my dream and have a fab new tummy 😁

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2022 21:04

I’d usually say clear the debts but it’s a gift from a mum to an unhappy daughter.

why should your MIL pay off debts that are presumably half of his responsibility?

TheGirlWhoLived · 10/08/2022 21:04

Yeah it’s a gift. If someone gifted you a £500 rug then you presumably wouldn’t say “oh we need to use the cash to clear debts” you would just enjoy it!

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2022 21:04

sorry, HIS mil.

nzeire · 10/08/2022 21:06

Tummy tuck, I wish I had at the time!

sugarspiceplumfairy · 10/08/2022 21:08

Do it! You can save for the debts after like you’d save for a tummy tuck but if it’s making that upset and your mums offered to pay you should do it

Riverlee · 10/08/2022 21:10

On another thread, the op is upset because her low earning dp wants to spend £700 on a hobby. Everyone is saying she should leave him.

I’m not saying bayou should leave your dp, but I’d be pretty annoyed if you spent this huge amount of money when you still have a credit card bill to clear, especially with the rising cost of everything.

35965a · 10/08/2022 21:11

Riverlee · 10/08/2022 21:10

On another thread, the op is upset because her low earning dp wants to spend £700 on a hobby. Everyone is saying she should leave him.

I’m not saying bayou should leave your dp, but I’d be pretty annoyed if you spent this huge amount of money when you still have a credit card bill to clear, especially with the rising cost of everything.

But OP’s mum is giving her money for a tummy tuck. She isn’t just giving her money for whatever.

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 10/08/2022 21:13

Riverlee · 10/08/2022 21:10

On another thread, the op is upset because her low earning dp wants to spend £700 on a hobby. Everyone is saying she should leave him.

I’m not saying bayou should leave your dp, but I’d be pretty annoyed if you spent this huge amount of money when you still have a credit card bill to clear, especially with the rising cost of everything.

Well yes there is a massive difference between one person wanting to spend £700 on a hobby when they are in debt, and another person accepting a gift when they are in debt.

The OPs mother isn't offering her 10k to spend on whatever she wants. She is offering to pay for a tummy tuck. All the op has to decide is whether she wants one or not.

If the OPs MIL was offering to pay £700 for a hobby item for her DH and she was complaining about that she would probably be getting different answers.

dehloh · 10/08/2022 21:14

I couldn't accept such a gift when I had the debt anyway.

Emmelina · 10/08/2022 21:16

If your mum has gifted the TT, have it. It won’t change anything of your debt situation (which will be clear in 2 years anyway), and would take you many more years after that to save for yourself - years of being unhappy with your untucked tum. Do it! ❤️

NellesVilla · 10/08/2022 21:24

When a man gives birth, then they have a right to discuss postpartum issues with you.

brianixon · 10/08/2022 21:26

I have voted that you are NOT unreasonable.
Would the improvements help you to feel better. That is really stronger with improved morale and determination.
Only you know the difference between feeling a bit fed-up and really debilitated by this problem.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 10/08/2022 21:28

So he has £10,000 of that and is promptly going to turn that into 11,000?

parietal · 10/08/2022 21:32

pay off your debts. if your mum is able to help you with that, great. If not, keep working towards that. It is far better for your family in the long term than cosmetic surgery.

Have you seen that you will need 4-6 weeks off after this surgery? that means no driving a car, no lifting a baby or toddler. You will be stuck in bed for a while and your DH will have to take time off work etc. This is not a quick fix, it is a serious operation with risks as well.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/cosmetic-procedures/tummy-tuck/#:~:text=Recovery,effect%20of%20a%20tummy%20tuck.

if in 2 years time you are still bothered about your tummy, then think about the surgery.

PseudonymPolly · 10/08/2022 21:32

You're only 3-4 months after giving birth op. That's no time at all.

Also, separate from the money issue - if you're focusing on it so much you're crying regularly, you need to be speaking to a medical professional or therapist to make sure you've not got ppd.

It doesn't sound like a good time to be making a decision about having serious surgery IMHO.