To have a tummy tuck instead of clearing debt?

[Fancehnanceh]

Had my third DC in April and I can’t cope with looking at my body anymore everything I wear I can just see that horrible hanging belly I hate it!!. I’ve had 3 c-sections all together! My overhang before third dc never bothered me. I have lost a stone so I’m not sure if that’s what made it look worse.

anyhoo mum has offered to pay for it for me as it has really started to get me down. We have about 10k debt In total to clear on one credit card. We’re not late making payments and have put it all into a payment plan which we have stuck to which should be cleared in 2 years.

DH thinks I’m selfish and doesn’t agree with me doing it as we have a credit card to pay off. He thinks we should borrow the money of my mum and clear it and I should save up for a tummy. So I would have to pay mum back and save for a tummy tuck would take me years.

aibu? What is your thoughts.

Well done on missing the point entirely.

I'm impressed that you're trying to equate a box of chocolates with a tummy tuck when there is £10k of debt involved though.

100% this. Your mum is kind enough to offer you the gift of a tummy tuck. Imagine being rude enough to ask for the money instead!

Your husband is in the wrong. You have given him 3 children, which resulted in damage to your body. Selfish indeed!

A lot of internalised misogyny on here

100 %

I've booked a TT and lipo in November if my mum was paying I would be so chuffed 🤣. I can't wait

Go forth and enjoy your tummy tuck OP. Presumably the debt was accumulated by both of you, whereas your mum is specifically offering to pay for this one issue for you.

Anyone who is saying on here that the OP should be proud of her body has no idea what it is to live with a "baggy belly".
Mine was so bad I was offered a tummy tuck on the NHS (due to twin pregnancy their combined weight was 16lb, also a CS).
I couldn't take up the offer as to childcare issues (DH self employed 4 kids under 6 years).
The twins are now in their 30's and I wore a swimsuit for the first time since their birth 5 years ago. I am accutely aware that I have to wear spanx or whatever all the time to "hold it all together" and the chaffe and rub from underneath my "pouch" is horrendous.
Op do it!
I have suffered for years.

Why would you even my examples were even meant to be equivalent? They’re so obviously not.

And £10k debt with a plan to pay it off in 2 years is no reason to not accept a gift. Why should debt even matter when it comes to accepting a gift? My point is that gifts are meant to be non-essential when you’re saying anyone who accepts a nonessential gift is “firmly in the wrong” when you have debt.

That’s fucked up. So does this refuse all “nonessential” gifts because you have debt rule apply to everyone with a mortgage? Or student loans? Because that is serious next level long term debt of £50k to £1m with 30yrs to pay it off. That’s a very long time to go without “nonessential” gifts.

So how expensive a gift are you allowed to accept when you are in debt before you are expected to turn around and demand the monetary value instead even though that wasn't what was offered?

Like I said, you've completely missed the point but feel free to carry on regardless. If it were the DH doing this he would be wrong. That is the only point I was making but you've decided to turn it into something else entirely.

Nevertheless, £10k of debt is absolutely a reason not to be doing stuff like cosmetic surgery. Especially as the OP only had a baby 4 months ago - her body is still recovering. That is another reason to wait until the debt is paid off - her body will have changed by then.

Have the tummy tuck. Your dm has offered to pay for it presumably because of the detrimental way your overhang is effecting your mental health. She is not offering £10000 to pay off yours and dps debts. It is a gift from her to you.

With the cost of living rising, now realistic is the debt payment plan going to be by the end of the year?

Glad I’m not the only one seeing the misogyny. The assumption that OP can only accept a gift to address her needs if the family is in perfect financial circumstances. It’s telling women to put themselves last. To be martyrs. And frankly, much of body positivity is brainwashing women to feel guilty for being upset about the effects of pregnancy and childbirth on their bodies and wanting corrective surgery. What is medical science for if not to restore what we have lost through life’s hardships? It’s ok for everyone else to get plastic surgery to correct their bodies back to what they were but for some reason post partum women are being excluded and derided for wanting this.

I had a TT 2 years ago at a cost of £7k (no lipo). I 100% recommend it and my only regret is not having it done years before. It’s honestly changed me totally not just looks wise but as a person.

That said, the recovery was really bloody hard - much worse than a C-section and there were times when the pain was so bad I almost wished I’d never had it. So prepare for that. Also, agree with others that you should wait a good few months until your body has reached its new “normal” after pregnancy. I would advise going to see a couple of surgeons and getting their advice about what they can and can’t do - a TT doesn’t fix everything.

And what a lovely mum to offer you the money. Normally I would say clear debts first but in your case the debts are separate from the TT money. I felt a bit selfish at first spending so much money on something just got me, but my god it was worth it.

You only gave birth in April so your body won’t have healed yet and you won’t see the end result for a while yet. I understand not being happy with your body but crying over it every day isn’t normal. It’s a massive surgery with lots of risks and it won’t give you your pre pregnancy body.

When things are hard it’s easy to focus on one thing and ‘fixing’ it means fixing all of your problems.

I think you should spend some time and maybe some money from your mum on post natal physio or Pilates and therapy if you still feel as down as you are now.

Your point:
If the DH was the one taking the money from a parent for something non essential he would be firmly in the wrong.

So please, since I’ve missed your point by thinking your statement means that to accept a gift from a parent for “something nonessential” is “firmly in the wrong” - please tell me what your point actually was? Because it reads like if the gift were something essential, the person would not be in the wrong.

Why do you think gifts must be essential?

Nevertheless, £10k of debt is absolutely a reason not to be doing stuff like cosmetic surgery.

If it were using family money, I’d agree. But this is a gift. Why is debt absolutely a reason to not accept a gift?

Have the tummy tuck if that's what you want and need. This is between you and your Mum, nothing to do with your husband.

You have a payment plan in place, keep going with that - and have the tummy tuck as a gift from your Mum. I think she'd be very hurt to make that gesture for you and it to be taken up by a debt that is under control.

Yes this! She didn't offer to give you money for whatever you felt like doing with it, she's offered it for a specific reason to help you feel better and improve your self esteem.

Your husband needs to butt out of the offer between you and your Mum. It's not his money or his body. He's got no right to take over and say you need to use it towards the debt - which presumably he had a hand in accruing in the first place?!

I'd feel weird spending money on cosmetic surgery with that much debt but if your mum has offered it for that reason alone then she's made the decision for you.

I'm not sure having a tummy tuck, so soon after having a baby is a good idea. Surely the recovery after giving birth hasn't finished yet?

She didn't say it was £10 k for a tummy tuck. She said her Mum has offered to pay for the surgery - no amount specified. And then that they have £10k debt. Seperate thing.

A tummy tuck sounds impractical at the moment. I would slow things down, let your body settle after birth and not have any operations with significant recovery time until the children don’t need you to lift them. Talk with your Mum about the use of her money. She may be open to using it to cover debt and allow you to save.

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If your mom is offering to pay for you then go for it! It's not like you're getting yourself into more debt or using family money that could be used to pay the debts off - this is your mom specifically offering to pay for the tummy tuck. Ignore your DH, he's being ridiculous and if you've got a set payment plan in place and it's working just fine then he's got no reason to moan!