To have a tummy tuck instead of clearing debt?

[Fancehnanceh]

Had my third DC in April and I can’t cope with looking at my body anymore everything I wear I can just see that horrible hanging belly I hate it!!. I’ve had 3 c-sections all together! My overhang before third dc never bothered me. I have lost a stone so I’m not sure if that’s what made it look worse.

anyhoo mum has offered to pay for it for me as it has really started to get me down. We have about 10k debt In total to clear on one credit card. We’re not late making payments and have put it all into a payment plan which we have stuck to which should be cleared in 2 years.

DH thinks I’m selfish and doesn’t agree with me doing it as we have a credit card to pay off. He thinks we should borrow the money of my mum and clear it and I should save up for a tummy. So I would have to pay mum back and save for a tummy tuck would take me years.

aibu? What is your thoughts.

This might be a bit outing for me but I had my boobs uplifted when my daughter was 12 months old I’d literally just finished breastfeeding and they look like a pair of squeezed out all teabags. Long story short it didn’t work my body rejected them, they had to be removed almost immediately the agony and the pain was absolutely indescribable on both occasions bearing in mind I’ve had four children without any pain relief.

anyway 16 years later my boobs are actually fine they’re not what they were when I was 18 but they do not look like a pair of old squeeze that teabags my body seems to have kind of healed itself really and put the volume back. Exercise helps tremendously build in the foundations on which the dodgy bit is built. I’m not saying it’s perfect it really isn’t it never will be but it’s not unacceptable.

I would look at getting yourself a few sessions with a personal trainer who specialises in post natal recovery. If you only had the baby in April, of course your body has a long way to go to get back to normal.

I agree with PP to give your body more time to heal, maybe book that PT. I also think if you already have £10K of debt, with a massive recession on the way, that you’d be wise to focus on paying this off.

The OP’s mum has offered to pay for a TT, she hasn’t gifted the family 10k to do whatever they want with.

I'd gratefully accept the gift, but not yet. Let your body heal from pregnancy and birth first. By the time you're ready for the surgery, you'll be at least halfway to paying off your debt.

I know the overhang, I have it too. No amount of exercise will shift loose skin. I'm less bothered about it these days, but I'm in my 50s, not 20s, and I know I would have bitten their hand off if someone had offered the tummy tuck to me when I was younger.

I wouldn't normally advocate cosmetic surgery but this seems like it is having a detrimental impact on your self esteem.

They will offer you counselling beforehand and you will have time to think about it.

If you pay off the debts then something else for the family will come up and your needs will come last again. Yes, you are a family unit but you also have individual needs within that unit. Prioritize yourself and your family will all benefit from having a more happy you.

Have you had a quote yet. I'm getting a breast reduction in UK private and it's 7k. 10 seems loads for a tummy tuck.

If you aren’t having any more kids then have the tummy tuck

I’ve had one and my stomach is flat and hard 😂and I don’t regret it .
They normally do lipo at the same time on the stomach to smooth everything

Your mum is offering you the money for a tummy tuck which is lovely of her . She can obviously see how much it affects you .

Shes not offering you money for the debts

Have the tummy tuck

@whenwillthemadnessend

I paid £4200 for a mini TT admittedly over 10 years ago
That was in England with Bupa
10k sounds an awful lot

Is your mum giving you a lump sum or is she gifting you the money for the TT? Look at Mrs Kat got a TT she’s one of the best.

go for the TT. Just be prepared to have to lose more weight beforehand. My friend had one had she had to get to a very low fat body percentage level.

I'd clear the debts first. Then the tummy tuck at a later date if I needed it then.
What happened with the husbands £700 sport thing?

It doesn't sound like you and your husband get on that well? Are you going back to work? I wouldn't risk being supported by him.

Your DH is right.

Leaving aside the issue of the dents, you only had your baby in April.

Debts. Not dents. FFS.

Your DH is a cheeky fucker to think he can take his mum's gift to you for a TT and use it to benefit himself to pay off joint debts, leaving you still miserable and unhappy, the very reason your lovely mum is gifting you this money. I would tell him to fuck off, and I know for certain my DH would be happy for me and tell me to use the gift as my mum intended if I were in this position.

Having said that I do think that 3 months post partum is way way too soon to be thinking about surgery. I had c-sections too and it took my tummy at least 9 months to go back to anything like normal. I would wait and continue to exercise and eat healthily and just let yourself recover before considering surgery

Need a lot more information OP

What's your weight? Will you exercise/have you? In other words is this a last resort or an easier fix? (I don't know how to word that better, I do know how hard it is, I'm not being cruel)

Do you work? Have a reasonable income?

Any other debt?

You have literally just given birth so give yourself sometime. I would also add that the result you get may be complicated by the fact you have had 3 C sections. Each one will have created scar tissue. I had a TT which just pulled everything up and created a donut effect around my navel. I subsequently had to have 2 stomach surgeries so it is all messed up now.

And I agree it's far too soon after your last baby to worry too much

To be honest I'd spend £100 on 5 pairs of Spanx and ask mum if she could pay off the debt and pay her back monthly instead (if no then no drama)
Cost of living is about to get bad , if you have debt I agree with your DH, you have 3 children

My friend had a tummy tuck a while ago - said it was the best thing she ever did.
Get it done.

@Riverlee

if it was THEIR money maybe, even if her Mum had given her the money, maybe BUT she hasn't, she's offered to pay for. TT for her daughter. Doesn't matter if it cost £5 or £5m her Mum is offering her the 'gift' not cash to with as she pleases. TT YESs/no idea the question, not DH's to decide how it's spent!!

@Fancehnanceh If your Mum can comfortably afford it, then go ahead, it's a gift to YOU, from your Mum who wants you to be confident & happy. It's NOT cash to spend how DH pleases.

its a separate issue if you borrow money off your Mum to repay the debt & pay her instead.

id be very wary of doing this though, depending on how you both got into the debt & how much DH would prioritise paying your mum back.

if it's credit cards etc its far too easy to clear them, owe your mum the money, then run them up again.

I'd hold off on the tummy tuck. I'm not saying don't have it ever, but maybe revisit the idea in 3 or so years, when you don't have a baby or small toddler. It's a major op. I know someone who had one after 3 dc and she was glad her youngest was primary age as she said it was a painful recovery and she couldn't lift things for a while after. I'd ask your mum to put the money in a savings account for you in her name and come back to it at another time. As pp have said, your post natal belly should not be causing this much anguish - loads of us have overhangs, muscle separation and stretch marks. Mine is an absolute sight! Just try not to dwell on it, it doesn't define you and you're not less of a person / woman for not having a 'perfect' body.

if it was THEIR money maybe, even if her Mum had given her the money, maybe BUT she hasn't, she's offered to pay for. TT for her daughter. Doesn't matter if it cost £5 or £5m her Mum is offering her the 'gift' not cash to with as she pleases. TT YESs/no idea the question, not DH's to decide how it's spent!!

If the DH was the one taking the money from a parent for something non essential he would be firmly in the wrong.

Absolutely right

@Fancehnanceh I had a breast reduction and TT. Best money I ever spent; I look SO much better and feel better and also have no more back pain.

I live in Portugal and had mine done there. It cost about €9000 for all- breast reduction and lift, tummy tuck, back lipo, and stomach lipo. I would highly recommend the surgeon and the aftercare- it was stellar. It might well be cheaper to get it done there rather than here, and then perhaps your 10k could go a lot further and clear some debt too?

Gifts are supposed to be “non essential” FFS!

You get a box of chocolates and a lovely pamper set for Mothers Day, do you say to your DH and DC “This is so wrong as I’m taking something non-essential from you. Why didn’t you spend the money on bin liners and school shoes?”

Its Christmas, do you put gifts under the tree that are all “essentials”. Oh yes dear DC your stockings consist of socks and mittens. Look, I’ve wrapped the Christmas laundry soap up as well…we can wash our clothes! And what’s this? Oh it’s a gift card for BP let’s all go and get a tank of petrol.