To have a tummy tuck instead of clearing debt?

[Fancehnanceh]

Had my third DC in April and I can’t cope with looking at my body anymore everything I wear I can just see that horrible hanging belly I hate it!!. I’ve had 3 c-sections all together! My overhang before third dc never bothered me. I have lost a stone so I’m not sure if that’s what made it look worse.

anyhoo mum has offered to pay for it for me as it has really started to get me down. We have about 10k debt In total to clear on one credit card. We’re not late making payments and have put it all into a payment plan which we have stuck to which should be cleared in 2 years.

DH thinks I’m selfish and doesn’t agree with me doing it as we have a credit card to pay off. He thinks we should borrow the money of my mum and clear it and I should save up for a tummy. So I would have to pay mum back and save for a tummy tuck would take me years.

aibu? What is your thoughts.

The mum has offered to pay for her operation and was no mention of paying off their debts. The husband is the one bringing this up and I doubt the mum would be too happy to be paying off the debt or she would have offered already. I am sure the lady will get advise before she undertakes a major operation and will be aware of the difficulties and recovery and it is a personal choice for everyone.

Clear the debt.

What if something goes wrong with the TT? Then you would be left with that plus the overhanging debt too?

Your husband is right.

Tummy tuck. Your lovely mum wants to lift your spirits 🥰

This

Does your mum know that you have £10k debts.
I never discussed how much money I had or owed with my parents.
Is your DH worried about the debt and is that why he is against the
TT.
Talk to him and discuss as a married couple instead of only going by
your idea. Marriage is team work. In it together.

You've had 3 c-sections - it's nothing to do with your age.

OP, you may have diastasis recti. I had it after my second. Think I’d had it before but it was so much worse. At 3 months postpartum I was completely planning my surgery too but life got in the way and I ended up visiting a physio for expediency a year later. My stomach went within 6 weeks of seeing her and doing the gentlest exercises. Definitely check if there’s something going on like DR because a TT won’t fix that. If there isn’t, 100% go for the TT! Do what makes you happy. Screw the debt

I agree with @Parlegh - it's major surgery with quite a long recovery time. Maybe give your body time to recover and think about it later on if there's still an issue.

You have £10,000 of credit card debt, which is not cheap, and which you are already on a payment plan for.

This debt is going to get more expensive as interest rates rise and will be more difficult to service and take longer to clear.

Please use the money to clear down the debt.

God I’ve cleared my credit cards in the past and meh - do something life changing x

I'd have one, but only if I got down to a weight I was happy with first.

Then again after seeing a Mum and Daughter last week on TV, it put me right off anything!

I'm still overweight. I know my hang was never this big. I know it will be smaller and probably saggier after weight loss, but it's only then I would consider one.

Who am I kidding consider one? I haven't got the money - control pants and exercise for me! .... One day.

Go for it but wait IMO, April was just yesterday in terms of healing x

Screw the debt

Whats the situation with working and income? Are you both working? I’m not sure how you can watch the news about the cost of living crisis and then think a flat stomach is more of a priority. I would probably have a conversation with my mum about borrowing some money to clear the credit cards and take it from there. “screw the debt” won’t feel quite so liberated if you can’t actually afford to heat your house.

How much is the surgery?
I can't imagine spending thousands on something like this when money is so precious. However, if it's seriously affecting your mental health to the point where you are getting very depressed then it's very kind of your mum to offer to pay for it and I understand why she has. I suppose I just wish that you didn't feel like that so that you could save the money!

I don’t know really OP.

I know my dear step mum offered to pay for my teeth to be fixed, it cost £3K.

I had wanted it done all my adult life, and there was no way I would be saying I wanted the cash instead for another reason. She gifted it to me as she knew how I felt inside.

It would have been rude to just ask for the cash. I don’t regret it at all!

It would be so cheeky to use the money for anything other than the tummy tuck, ie what your mum intended it for!

PS I'm so jealous - I'd love one! Good luck with it

Are you absolutely at the weight you need to be? If not, use the time to lose the weight and be in the best shape possible. The recovery is pretty intense if you’re looking after little ones. You did only have your last one very recently.

Also, use the time while you are saving to do your research. Make a shortlist, see potential surgeons etc. I really think having the procedure done while you still have a tiny baby is not the best idea if you can avoid it. My youngest was 18 months old when I had it done. I had finished breastfeeding, and was fully back to pre baby weight.

Just a thought, are you suffering from post natal depression if you’ve been crying a lot, with your body image being the catalyst for it. Maybe you can cope on a daily basis, but when you feel overwhelmed, is when you notice your body more.

(not a doctor).

You’ve only just had a baby. No surgeon with an ounce of integrity would consider operating on you any time soon, so you may as well put that idea on hold for a bit longer.

Your DH is right that you should pay the debt before having cosmetic surgery considering you now have three children and £10000 worth of debt, but he’s a cheeky fucker for thinking you should take money off your mum for it.

😂 op of that thread would not be getting different answers if her mil said she'd pay for it. People would still say ltb and call him a mummy's boy.

Op I don't think you should get the surgery. As someone else pointed out it's a long recovery time, especially with 3 young children. And what if you then don't like your boobs because they are sagging after 3 kids, you going to get them done too? Of your thighs are too big etc.

I would say wait a while, pay off the debt you have and if you still feel the same after a few years then consider it then. Your kids will be a bit older and it won't be so hard to recover then.

The costs of living are rising massively. You may find it harder to find the money to pay off your debts this winter. Financial stress with a newborn could be worse for your mental health than a baby tummy. Personally I would ask if your mum would help you pay of your credit debts instead.

I'd go for it personally.

Have the tummy tuck! Your mum has offered to pay for a tummy tuck for you not to pay off your debts and it's not up to your husband! I've had 5 children, first 3 vaginal births and then had twins which I had to have a c section with which I really didn't want and now my stomach is horrible so I know what you mean about th c section overhang but I doubt I'll ever be able to afford surgery plus I'm a wimp and probably wouldn't date anyway I was so scared to have the c section in the first place!

She isn’t offering money though?

She wants you to be happy so she’s offering the procedure. Your DH is being a bit grabby.