Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a tummy tuck instead of clearing debt?

131 replies

Fancehnanceh · 10/08/2022 20:53

Had my third DC in April and I can’t cope with looking at my body anymore everything I wear I can just see that horrible hanging belly I hate it!!. I’ve had 3 c-sections all together! My overhang before third dc never bothered me. I have lost a stone so I’m not sure if that’s what made it look worse.

anyhoo mum has offered to pay for it for me as it has really started to get me down. We have about 10k debt In total to clear on one credit card. We’re not late making payments and have put it all into a payment plan which we have stuck to which should be cleared in 2 years.

DH thinks I’m selfish and doesn’t agree with me doing it as we have a credit card to pay off. He thinks we should borrow the money of my mum and clear it and I should save up for a tummy. So I would have to pay mum back and save for a tummy tuck would take me years.

aibu? What is your thoughts.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 10/08/2022 21:34

In this current precarious economic climate I think it would be foolish to prioritise non essential surgery over clearing high interest debt. Does your two year debt clearance plan take into account inflation and higher interest rates?

bloodyunicorns · 10/08/2022 21:34

I would never have a tummy tuck before paying off credit card debt. No wonder your h is upset.

bloodyunicorns · 10/08/2022 21:35

Also, you chose to have three dc and the last one was only a few months ago - let your body heal and settle down first before thinking about surgery!

godmum56 · 10/08/2022 21:36

NoseyNellie · 10/08/2022 20:58

Invest a fraction of the cost of surgery into therapy to adjust your thinking about your body - even if you have a tummy tuck, it’s not going to get you to pre-baby shape, and it’s likely that there’ll be something else you focus on after the stomach - a bit of a breast lift? Little bit of lipo on the thighs… it builds and builds

Learn to celebrate your amazing body - if it works & you’re healthy then feck what it looks like - slap on some Spanx and enjoy your life!

this

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 10/08/2022 21:37

How bad is this 'overhang?'

bloodyunicorns · 10/08/2022 21:37

parietal · 10/08/2022 21:32

pay off your debts. if your mum is able to help you with that, great. If not, keep working towards that. It is far better for your family in the long term than cosmetic surgery.

Have you seen that you will need 4-6 weeks off after this surgery? that means no driving a car, no lifting a baby or toddler. You will be stuck in bed for a while and your DH will have to take time off work etc. This is not a quick fix, it is a serious operation with risks as well.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/cosmetic-procedures/tummy-tuck/#:~:text=Recovery,effect%20of%20a%20tummy%20tuck.

if in 2 years time you are still bothered about your tummy, then think about the surgery.

This

3luckystars · 10/08/2022 21:39

Don’t get into more debt.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 10/08/2022 21:42

I only ask because it might not be as bad as you really think and could be sorted through certain, targeted exercises.

It shouldn't really be a choice between a tummy or a debt which affects your whole family.
Really? Come on.

TommySaid · 10/08/2022 21:42

Can you post a photo of your belly?

No wonder you are in debt if you think a tummy tuck is a higher priority than debts.

I’m really shocked that your mum would not think to help you out knowing you’re in debt but thinks nothing of giving you money for a tummy tuck.

TommySaid · 10/08/2022 21:43

I only ask because it might not be as bad as you really think and could be sorted through certain, targeted exercises.

I agree.

You only gave birth in April and you do need time to heal.

Have you lost all of the weight you want to?
There’s no point having a tummy tuck yet if you’ve still got weight to lose.

Arnaquer · 10/08/2022 21:46

I'm torn as I don't like being in debt and am not a fan of plastic surgery.
I would maybe wait and see how your tummy heals as it is early days yet.
However your mum gave you the money specifically for the operation so morally I feel you should use the money for that.

Fairislefandango · 10/08/2022 21:51

I would never have a tummy tuck before paying off credit card debt. No wonder your h is upset.

^This. Tbh I doubt I'd have a tummy tuck full stop, regardless of overhang.

Isonthecase · 10/08/2022 21:57

There's really no point having the tummy tuck yet, it takes a solid couple of years for your body to go back to normal after a baby, even in your late twenties! It's lovely that your mum has offered as she's obviously seen how it's getting you down, could you chat to her and ask if she'd be happy to hold off for a bit to see how you recover naturally? Then there's no contest as the debt will be clear when the tummy tuck option comes back on the table, and you might not even need it.
I do agree that she's offered for a specific purpose so wouldn't feel comfortable taking it for something else.

HungryandIknowit · 10/08/2022 22:07

It depends. If your mum is gifting you the money specifically for the tummy tuck, you shouldn't use it for a different purpose. However, if she would be open to you using the money to clear debt I would absolutely prioritise that. If you don't already I would also suggest doing something to make you feel good about what your body can do for you rather than how it looks, particularly strength exercises. And get off social media and stop looking in the mirror so often.

NewMoney1000000 · 10/08/2022 22:07

Accept the money from your mum and have the tummy tuck, maybe wait until your DC are a bit older as the first few weeks of recovery is tough.
I saved up and when my youngest was 17 I had mine. Literally every day I had negative thoughts about a bit of my body that felt like it didn’t belong to me. I had the operation and never think about my tummy now.
The first two weeks after the op are a right off but I was only in bed for the two nights in hospital, in fact pottering around the house was quite comfortable. By three weeks I was feeling more like myself, driving, going out for short periods of time. By 6 weeks I was back to normal apart from swimming which took about 5 months to be able to do.

RuralRabbit · 10/08/2022 22:10

Life is short - get tummy tuck!!!

Discovereads · 10/08/2022 22:25

Your mum is gifting you the tummy tuck. She isn’t gifting you money for the family. Your DH is being really unfair to you. This isn’t cosmetic surgery in my opinion, it’s reconstructive surgery because you just want some of the birth injuries corrected. People wouldn’t be slagging you off if you wanted plastic surgery to fix your face after a car accident, so why the different attitude towards accidental birth injuries? It’s misogyny pure and simple- this idea that we have to “learn to love and accept” what childbirth does to us. Well fuck that shit. You have a right to not love or accept what childbirth has done to your body. You already have a scar from c-sections, a tummy tuck could be done with zero additional scarring.

Id book it in and have your mum pay the surgeon direct so the money never lands in your bank account. It’s not your money, or family money, or your DHs money…it’s your mums money and she is gifting you a tummy tuck.

Antarcticant · 10/08/2022 22:27

Clear the debt.

Sorry, I know that's a dull answer but with interest rates skyrocketing, and the cost of living going up, you don't want to be lumbered with debt.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/08/2022 22:29

You /your body has created 3 beautiful dc. If you need that surgery to feel like you again then go for it. Dh doesn't get to decide if you borrow off your dm.

Agapornis · 10/08/2022 22:54

Would you mum be willing to pay for gym membership/a personal trainer, and therapy? Try some other options before surgery.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 10/08/2022 23:13

Your lovely mum offered the money to help you to have the op so go with that as you will be miserable if you have to wait and save. You have a plan to pay back the debt sorted so keep doing that. Will you be able to pay your mum back or is it a gift. Well done losing a stone and am sure you look ok but understand how you are feeling and no matter how much you lost that will not go. Make sure you do lots of research first and pick a good surgeon. Hope things all work out ok and congrats on new baby. Your husband could be more supportive and understanding.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 10/08/2022 23:17

Why are people giving this woman grief about considering surgery. It is affecting her mental health and am sure she will wait a few months to have it done which would be advisable for her body to heal about the birth. I would wait 6 to 8 months and you will be in a stronger position and baby will not be so small. It is not like a normal surgery just having it for the sake of vanity, her body has changed from 3 babies and no matter how much she exercises it will not get rid of the loose skin.

Parlegh · 10/08/2022 23:22

I’m going to be quite negative here but this isn’t just a case of paying for a magic wand, it’s serious major surgery with potential risks and recovery. You need to seriously think about this.

It takes your body 18months- up to 4 years to recover from a pregnancy. There’s reasons they recommend gaps between babies.

I would ask your mum to clear your debts and then save for the tummy tuck.

Otherwise in worse case scenario you could have a body you are still unhappy with, chronic pain from adhesions, and still be in debt.

Try body positivity books- follow thebirdspapaya on Instagram for postpartum body confidence. Save up and if in two years you still want it that would be fair enough!

Gymnopedie · 10/08/2022 23:25

Who incurred the debt? You, DH or both of you? On things you needed or frivolous spending? Those factors would influence my opinion.

Parlegh · 10/08/2022 23:29

example from instagram- she is beautiful
pregnancies and birth can change bodies but that doesn’t have to be bad- her confidence oozes out and so she should feel that way- she is beautiful and strong and powerful and her body has done amazing things