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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag Do!

136 replies

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:36

My fiance had his stag do recently, i expressed i was not happy with lap dancing and any thing else further. Strip-clubs was as far as i would feel comfortable with and that was a push.

He disclosed that he had lap dancing from 3 different females and took part in a sexual show where he ate a food object from a strippers vagina. i am beyond upset but he seems to think i am overreacting.

I really don't know how to feel. Am i over-reacting to feel upset?

OP posts:
ALittleBitAhAh · 10/08/2022 16:38

Ate food from her vagina? And says you are overreacting? What a twat. I would be rethinking the wedding!

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:39

He said the banana was hanging out one end of her vagina and he bite the other end. So no physical touching. I am beyond hurt but im feeling as if im being over the top and its not big deal.

OP posts:
BarmyBrunhilde · 10/08/2022 16:40

I think you need to seriously rethink marrying this man. He doesn't respect your boundaries, and has completely broken any trust. How has the relationship been otherwise?

Lollypop701 · 10/08/2022 16:41

You gave him a line in the sand and he stamped on it.., I’d be going nuclear

TiddleyWink · 10/08/2022 16:42

Yeah I wouldn’t be marrying him….

As much what he did but also the staggering level of disrespect he’s showing to your (very reasonable) wishes.

He isn’t husband material and you will look back on this at the point you should have left, if you go ahead and marry him. Marry someone kind and respectful who puts you first, or don’t get married to anyone. Anything else is signing up to a lifetime of misery.

Any man who can do that to someone’s daughter isn’t someone I’d be planning a family with, put it that way. Vile.

Rowen32 · 10/08/2022 16:43

That is absolutely disgusting, I would be appalled. So disrespectful to you x

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:43

We have been together for over 15 years and due to marry at end of the year We have 2 beautiful children. I thought that he respected me. I look at him and feel sick

OP posts:
clickychicky · 10/08/2022 16:43

That is absolutely disgusting do not marry him

Cocoatheclown · 10/08/2022 16:44

It is sad that we see so many posts on this subject here.

What is it about some young men nowadays that they think a stag do is a get-out-of-jail-free card for cheating ??

I would also be re-thinking the wedding.

My ex snogged a younger girl at a party when we were courting. He said it meant nothing. I believed him. Years later he cheated with someone younger.
Don't be like me.

fantasmasgoria1 · 10/08/2022 16:44

That's awful behaviour. I'm really sorry op. In your shoes he would have been gone.

Eeiliethya · 10/08/2022 16:45

No you aren't overreacting.
I'm quite laid back with things like strip clubs but eating a banana from a strippers vagina would send me upstairs and packing his bags.

How would he like it if the roles were reversed? Save yourself a lot of heartache and stress in the future and bin this pig.

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 16:45

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:43

We have been together for over 15 years and due to marry at end of the year We have 2 beautiful children. I thought that he respected me. I look at him and feel sick

Ah cross posted. Look at financial situation. Do you think he is likely to do it again once you're married? If so then Marry him wait for him to do it divorce him and take the house until the kids are 18.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:45

Our yongest child is under 12 months old

OP posts:
Passtherioja · 10/08/2022 16:45

How can he say you're overreacting-you made your views clear what did he expect?

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:46

He said he had no enjoyment at all from any of it and did it our of peer pressure and he missed me loads.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/08/2022 16:47

Even if you didn't state what your line was on this, I'd have no respect or attraction to an engaged man eating a banana from a womans vagina. It's fucking grim. And paying to have three private lap dances is grim too.

Mardyface · 10/08/2022 16:47

If you are not financially independent you should marry him anyway before you leave.

Not only has he disregarded your COMPLETELY REASONABLE boundaries but he doesn't even understand why you're annoyed about it.

If your kids are girls i would be even more upset tbh. Women do not come in two types: playthings for men or well-behaved wives who don't make a fuss. I'm raging on your behalf.

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 16:48

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:46

He said he had no enjoyment at all from any of it and did it our of peer pressure and he missed me loads.

Rightio.. so if his mates had egged him on to go further he would have done that too. Come on don't be naive. He wanted to eat that dawn banana. God knows why it sounds vile.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:49

Honestly i feel ill. our eldest daughter is almost a teenager.

OP posts:
Eeiliethya · 10/08/2022 16:49

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:46

He said he had no enjoyment at all from any of it and did it our of peer pressure and he missed me loads.

He's talking bollocks.

He's a grown arse man, peer pressure is for 15 year olds. If he truly is that weak willed then that would be a huge no from me as well.

Essexgalttc · 10/08/2022 16:50

OP I would not marry this man. I would of walked out the day I found out if I’m honest… please do not stay just because you’ve got a wedding booked.

I married in April and husband went to Prague with friends and didn’t go to strip clubs but did get drunk, he did some shooting targets and had a great time with his friends as a respectful husband that loves me would do

MangoBiscuit · 10/08/2022 16:51

He knew you wouldn't be ok with it, and he did it anyway. He has no issue with upsetting you, and potentially risking the future of your relationship, as long as he gets to act fun in front of his friends.

I'm so sorry OP, but I wouldn't be marrying him.

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 16:52

Bloody hell.

I wouldn't marry him. I wouldn't care if my DP watched porn or whatever but getting lap-dances is absolutely crossing a line for me, let alone eating food out of another woman's vag. It's sexual activity with another woman and to me that's cheating; the fact that he paid to do this doesn't make it any different from cheating with someone he met in the pub.

Interestingly, of all the men I know well enough to comment on, I would say about 75% of them just find the idea of lap-dancing clubs awkward and grim - sitting there with a boner surrounded by your mates seems to be something a lot of men actually just find weird.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:52

I found out 3 days ago.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 10/08/2022 16:52

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:46

He said he had no enjoyment at all from any of it and did it our of peer pressure and he missed me loads.

If that excuse was even true, it just means that what his friends think of him is more important to him than what he thinks of you.