Refusing to pay back my "friends " mum money I owe aibu?

[bradtit]

6 months ago I borrowed a friend £300 and they promised to pay me back.
I didn't pressure them and mentioned it after 5 months ..to be told "I can't right now"
This person now has plenty of money(I won't go into detail how but she does)
She said she would give me them on her pay day (28th )
Pay day came and went and she didn't give me a penny and said she would have to take it from the kids school uniform money and did I want her to do it.
Whilst the day before uploading pics of new trainers she bought herself and designer glasses.

We bought concert tickets and she put them on her mums credit card £100 in June.
I said great il pay on my pay day.
My pay day came and she asked for the £100
I was fuming and said "just take it out of the £300 you owe me and just give me £200

All hell broke loose calling me a thief and told her mum I was refusing to pay her
Writing all over Facebook how you can't trust anyone blah blah

Aibu ?

What is wrong with most of you, people? What kind of friends and relatives do you have?! So grateful you aren't mine! "Never lend to or borrow money from friends and relatives", "No good deed goes unpunished", etc... FPS!!! I have done both (borrowed once and lent many times various amounts - max around £50,000) and have NEVER lost anyone because of it. On the contrary - our relationships are even better since we know we have full trust and respect. I feel really happy for being in a position to help out! Saying that, yes, I do have a couple of relatives that I won't lend money to because I know how bad they are with finances. It all comes down to your own judgment of their integrity. Anyone could find themselves in need, and I for one, am glad to know that I have people I can rely on and they on me! All OP did was help out a friend and obviously misjudge her character - ok, lesson learned. It is extremely sad to me to think that because of a few CFs out there, so many of you would decline to help a friend or relative in need. Frankly, I feel sorry for the lot of you!

I was typing fast on my phone which is ancient. Still, what I typed in content is correct :). I use lots of exclamation marks when I type, I always do. Didn't realise MN had a marking policy complete with added feedback. Anyway, I'll go back to my day, at least knowing that there is no pedantics in my post....oh wait lol! @Pumperthepumper

@NippyWoowoo

My apologies, as you can see I did type it's further up...I have a stupid ancient phone that is really hard to type on...anyway...

A better sentence structure would be ‘I was typing on my ancient phone’. Using ‘its’ in place of ‘it is’ is incorrect. There’s no such word as ‘pedantics’, the plural of ‘pedantic’ is ‘pedant’.

That’s a fair point but she only has to give that money back to her Mum. I do think that owing money to your mother is less serious than owing to a friend. Maybe her mother is short of money and it is therefore more difficult for her to ignore. Which is why she became furious. Or that her mother knows her too well and is going to be much harder on debt repayment than you have been. She sounds as though she feels tricked by this and had some idea repaying you was on the “never never”. I can never believe that someone would be so dishonourable around money. I think we’ll done for recouping at least a third this way although I’m surprised you’ve continued to exchange money transactions at all with her

This whole discussion has been made much more confusing by bored people not reading the whole post and just fixating on the use, correct or not, of one word. It’s completely clear what OP meant and the discussion around that has been disrupted. FGS drop it and give a view on the actual question and what OP should do/feel etc.

Your “friend” is way out of line borrowing money that she isn’t going to prioritise to repay.
If she has lied about when she will repay you (and clearly has no sense when publicising what she is spending your repayment on) then she may not have used her mums card.

Could you chat to her mum and say that you were going to take the ticket payment out of the £300 which her daughter owed you as it seemed logical? Tell the mother that your “friend” said that she had told her that you were refusing to pay when you actually have technically paid three time over.

It doesn’t need to be a big deal with the mother, you can just play dumb and chat to her as you are confused about the situation and wondering what’s going on, it doesn’t make sense to have borrowed so much money and then not pay it back when she is spending it on other things 🤷🏼‍♀️

me too

I definitely wouldn't borrow money again to a friend like that who just lends your money and could care less about paying it back when she should of.

OP should of been upfront with her ‘friend’ when agreeing to allow her mum to book the tickets. She should of said, thank your mum for booking on her CC, I assume you will pay her the cost of the ticket out of the money you owe me!

OP didn’t do this, she agreed to pay the mum on her payday, which looks like she had no intention of doing! Let’s not forget that the mum could have high interest on her CC!

The mum is not responsible for her grown daughters actions or debts and should not be left short.

That’s tough shit for the mum isn’t it. There’s no way I’d be paying her back, she can get it off the CF daughter she raised.

I'd love to find out how many of the "Just pay the mum" posters will do this in real life, had they been robbed of £300.
Friend is clearly a nasty CF why would you even believe the story about the mum?
OP did not make an agreement with the mum and owes her nothing.
Mum may be very much in cahoots with her daughter and happy to steal another £100 off the OP.
There's no issue about OP paying, she will as soon she gets her £300 back. Amazed how brazen this CF is, does she really think anyone will be stupid enough to throw another £100 down the drain?

You said you don't have a clue.
You do now.

Wow, I would love to see you how you would react if someone took advantage of your mums generosity like this!

the daughter said she used the mum’s card. No mention of the mum’s generosity/offering to pay for the tickets. Paying the mum is the CF friend’s problem to sort. My mum is far too savvy to get caught up in something like this plus she’d clip my ear for not paying the money I owed.

It colloquial so get over yourself

Don't pay the £100 for the ticket because she'll never pay you back your £300

Pedantic is an adjective. Pedant is a noun. Pedantic doesn't have a plural.

I had something similar, a now ex friend asked me to lend her £300, I didn't say yes straight away but she kept on messaging me until I finally said yes. When the time came for her to repay me she gave me £150 in cash & the rest by cheque, the cheque bounced & I was never repaid the balance. 2 years later she was in the paper as she had stolen £48k from a trust fund set up for her ds from his late dad's estate. I would never lend money to anyone.

Pedantry about pedantic pedants - I love it, @VerinMathwin!

Tell the ‘friend’ you will pay the £100 to her mum once she pays you the £300. And if the mum rings you tell her the same thing.

I wouldn't give her the money. She should sort it out with her Mum. I would drop her as a so-called friend.

I think the person that borrowed the £300 from you is no friend. She is a 'arl arse' who has took the piss!
This was never going to end well and I would be fuming with her and angry with myself for falling for her piss take.
However it shows you dont really know anyone!
The fact that she has the audacity to ask you for the £100 back whilst STILL owing you £300 is a disgrace! I know that £100 had come off her Mothers Credit Card (so she says)! But, what I say is good on you for not giving the money back to her! Let her fit the bill to her Mother!
The so called friend I bet is more angry that you got one over on her when that usually is her way of behaving! I dont think you will be the first one she has duped.. she needs to learn a lesson!
You have stood up to her and proved a point... she does not like it!
And if her Mother knew the full story of how she has treated you whilst still... finding the money to go out and treat herself whilst owing you £300 and not paying it back. I think her Mother would have a few choice words to say to her (if her mother does not operate the same way as her daughter).
I know alot of people will say ... you should not take this out on the so called friends mother... but sometimes you have to be one step ahead of piss takers and put the responsibility back on them The so called friendship is over and lessons have been learned.

Came here to say this ☝🏻

This person is not a friend.

Whilst I do not believe that you are being unreasonable, this suggested approach is better.

My only question @bradtit is - did your ‘friend’ tell you that she was putting them on her mum’s CC before or after she purchased them? If the latter then she owes her mum not you as you were of the understanding that your ‘friend’ was paying and therefore she’s just borrowing money from more people 🤷‍♀️

I hope you’ve explained this whole debacle to her mum. Is she reasonable?

Preach 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻