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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I BU when I confronted this young man

137 replies

48YearsYoung · 10/08/2022 11:57

My daughter is in year 10 and works at a chain food store. When she finishes work, she sometimes goes to the other big chain next to her workplace. This afternoon, she went there and was served by a boy from her class. When he got her drink, he took it back and shoved a wooden spoon in it and told her to go kill herself. When she told me, I went back to the store and asked to speak to the manager and the young man together. I introduced myself and recounted the events back to them both and then gave him a calm, but stern and serious talking to. I should mention that he constantly taunts and belittles the girls at school and often tells them to kill themselves. He was humble and apologetic and made no excuses. I spoke separately to the manager afterwards and apologized for insisting to speak with them both as I'm sure it was embarrassing for him. I felt it had to be done. Now that I've reflected, I realise I will feel bad if he loses his job though he will likely pay her out at school tomorrow. Did I do the wrong thing? My daughter didn't have a problem with it.

OP posts:
DillonPanthersTexas · 10/08/2022 12:01

Naaah, if I was a manager and one of my employees was telling a customer to go and kill themselves I would have them fired. If the lad has got form for this then maybe, just maybe, getting fired might make him realise that acting like a bullying prick has consequences.

GCAcademic · 10/08/2022 12:02

Why would you feel bad if he loses his job? He has only himself to blame and is old enough to realise what the consequences are of that kind of behaviour in the workplace, unless he is monumentally thick.

Notimeforaname · 10/08/2022 12:02

I'd have done the same thing op!

wildthingsinthenight · 10/08/2022 12:03

Why should you feel bad? He sounds horrible and a bully

drawacircleroundit · 10/08/2022 12:04

He should be fired. Valuable life lesson for him.

MrsKeats · 10/08/2022 12:07

You did the right thing-good for you!

Motnight · 10/08/2022 12:08

drawacircleroundit · 10/08/2022 12:04

He should be fired. Valuable life lesson for him.

Absolutely this.

pepsirolla · 10/08/2022 12:08

I would be speaking to the school too not necessarily naming him but advising them about the bullying that seems to be allowed there and going unchallenged

PritiPatelsMaker · 10/08/2022 12:09

I'd also be speaking to the school.

LondonQueen · 10/08/2022 12:10

He should be fired telling customers to kill themselves!

FictionalCharacter · 10/08/2022 12:11

He’s a nasty little bully and needs to be stopped. The only thing you did wrong was apologise.

justfiveminutes · 10/08/2022 12:13

I was preparing to tell you that there might have been some context to your DD's version of events but, if he didn't even try to defend himself, he looks both guilty and cruel. I don't think you need to feel guilty if he is fired. He is learning a lesson about actions having consequences.

VioletToes · 10/08/2022 12:15

Good for you Op. What a utterly shit thing to say to someone. He should be called on this, and tough shit if he loses his job.

I'm glad your DD was ok with you doing this and didn't want to 'just ignore it' allowing him to get away with it. Big kudos to your DD too!

Beachbabe1 · 10/08/2022 12:16

Well done you!!!

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 10/08/2022 12:18

Behaviour like his can result in vulnerable teens killing themselves so no YANBU. If he get fired then hopefully he will learn something from that. I would be asking to speak to the head of year or appropriate deputy at school. The executive can and should have a general talk to the year level about how dangerous and unacceptable this kind of behaviour is and the teachers can be on the lookout incase he is doing this at school too.

aSofaNearYou · 10/08/2022 12:19

He absolutely should be fired for this. The only thing that would concern me at all is how he might act towards your DD at school afterwards.

I'd feel no guilt.

WhereAreMyAirpods · 10/08/2022 12:19

Have no idea how old "year 10" is but this person doesn't sound like customer service is his strong suit.

Maray1967 · 10/08/2022 12:21

Good for you. I would have done the same and if he gets sacked he deserves it. It is experiencing negative consequences that will make him change so in the long run you will have done him a favour.

BeanieTeen · 10/08/2022 12:22

Why would you feel bad. He categorically should lose his job - welcome to the real fucking world. If he thinks that kind of thing is acceptable then he shouldn’t be working amongst the general public. What a horrible shit he is.

Robin233 · 10/08/2022 12:22

Year 10 - 15 - 16

DorisWallis · 10/08/2022 12:23

If he gets sacked it's all on him
Glad your lass is OK

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 12:23

The manager should be sacking him. Why would it be embarrassing for the manager?

Deguster · 10/08/2022 12:25

Bravo, OP.

Valuable life lesson for him. Your daughter knows you have her back and she doesn't have to tolerate bullying.

Jalisco · 10/08/2022 12:27

pepsirolla · 10/08/2022 12:08

I would be speaking to the school too not necessarily naming him but advising them about the bullying that seems to be allowed there and going unchallenged

Me too. Bullying is unacceptable. Your daughter may be confident enough to laugh it off and ignore it. Not everyone will be. And perhaps there is a conversation to be had about what she can do when people act like this. Whether it bothers her is not the issue. If one of her friends, or someone else, actually did do it, she'd be gutted. Everyone has a responsibility to speak out, even if that is just by telling you.

mbosnz · 10/08/2022 12:28

His actions, his consequences.

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