Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

Stoma · Yesterday 19:58

Provided you feel comfortable with the word "punch" or "punching" about you that is great and I am happy for you.
I hope the punch never comes towards you (and you decide what you thought was a compliment is far from it) Said sincerely. xx

It's short for "punching above your weight", ie, achieving something beyond what is reasonably expected. In this case, having a partner who's a lot more attractive than you. I promise it has no connotations of violence.

It's not a pile on when you attack another poster for no good reason, lie about what they said, make utterly hypocritical claims about yourself and more than one person notices. It's a shame you don't have access to humility.

I used to be a size 10 before I had kids. I'm 6ft and men used to give me a huge amount of attention. Unfortunately that came with an ongodly amount of catcalling etc also.
Now I'm a size 20, don't wear makeup and have a much more natural look. Get to go about my day with no attention and it's great. I find people are alot more genuine with me now that they don't just see me as a sex object.

Even if you are not conventionally attractive you'll eventually get chatted up if you're alone or with less attractive women.
Never happened even once in my life, and I am almost 40.

Yes, I have always found it weird as well. As in being unattractive is the ultimate sin for a woman everyone is uncomfortable acknowledging. You either have to fix it with everything that the beauty industry offers, or you are declared to be having massive self esteem issues.
What is absolutely not tolerated is an ugly woman being comfortable in her skin without playing pretty.

OP, I had a similar thread a year or so ago. It went the same way, ie everyone is beautiful, have never seen an ugly person in my life, you just have poor self esteem and need to identify as pretty, absolutely everyone has a friend who is size 40 without teeth or hair, but men flock to her ignoring her supermodel friends, because she's confident.

She's got a particular aesthetic that's generally considered pleasant to look at. She's not saying it makes her better than anyone else. That would be you.

Right. I didn't earn it, I didn't set the social standards that appreciate it, and its not a credit to me. It just is. What it does do is give me a good insight into how incredibly prejudiced society in general is, because as I say, sometimes I'm objectively ugly and the treatment I get is completely different.

If I ever do a crime and have to be tried in court I damn well better time it correctly. 😄. I'm joking. Kind of.

You really are obsessed aren't you? Talk about an overly dramatic post.

That was a perfect summary!

Sure, but at least I'm honest about it. You're the one who's given more departure announcements than Terminal 5.

TBVH some of the posts here, especially about OP's supposed lack of self esteem are utterly ridiculous. Especially the ones also claiming that OP is better off being ugly/unattractive because apparently attractive women only ever get dickheads for partners.

I wonder exactly how self esteem covers you from being the least desired by every race including your own. Or from having messed up teeth you can't afford to fix. Or having a very obvious flaw like a missing limb, very visible scars or a droopy face.

At the end of the day we all have to be honest with ourselves. Attractive people get treated better, though what is considered "attractive" may change as the years go by. Not everyone has the means or incliniation to put in the work to become attractive, therefore those people will be treated slightly or markedly worse than attractive people. That's it.

Especially the ones also claiming that OP is better off being ugly/unattractive because apparently attractive women only ever get dickheads for partners.

That one is annoying. There are plenty of dickheads to go round.

I’m the daughter of an incredibly beautiful woman. My DSis and I were average in the looks department. We saw how pretty privilege worked for DM and realised at an early age it wasn’t there for us. It did teach us that while it opened doors and made life easier at a superficial level, being loved and recognised for who we are was more important. For mum, who also a very intelligent and capable woman, even when she found love (with our DF) or achieved success in other parts of her life, she struggled to believe it was real.

Our DM was very disparaging about men, probably because of all the crap she got from them. She was also very lonely as friendships with women were equally difficult. It made her very insecure and it affected her relationship with our DF, although he utterly loved her and was the most faithful and devoted husband, she constantly accused him of affairs and flirting.

When her looks faded in her 60s, she became very depressed and lost her confidence - because people now interacted with her differently to what she had known most of her life. Ironically, it was in old age after a stroke that left her partially paralysed that she came to believe our DF truly loved her for herself. Watching them interact in those final months was very touching.

Being beautiful can be quite a curse and it certainly tainted so much of life for my DM. I’m glad my looks didn’t define me like they did my DM - she could never be sure her successes in life were her own and not due to her beauty. I think that must be very tough to handle.

Yes. Also all suggestions to dress up and use make-up.
One time when I used a professional (celebrity level) make up and hair artist and wore an amazing gown (for a white tie event), I was mistaken for a cross-dressed man. 😁 Actually happened on another occasion too, without embellishments this time. I am significantly taller than an average man, and significantly wider in shoulders than an average man, with very rough features. Not fat, actually quite fit.

I'm not denying any of your experiences, but honestly, that stylist must have been utter shite. Makeup can be absolute witchcraft in the right hands and someone at that level should have been able to make you look like a woman even if you were a man.

If you are very tall and broad shouldered, I wonder if you're getting the Dorothy Zbornak treatment. I couldn't understand why there were so many ugly jokes when Bea Arthur was not ugly at all, quite beautiful in my opinion. I'm coming to the conclusion that it wasn't that she was ugly, it was that, being very tall and straight-shaped with a gravelly voice, she just wasn't very typically feminine looking.

I'm taking on board everything you're saying and grateful to you for sharing. Just wondering, within having seen you, if it's something like that.

According to my friends, I was a pretty little thing years and years ago.
I was never, ever approached or chatted up. I must have given off the wrong vibes or my friends weren’t telling me the truth!

"a pretty little thing"

I would be pissed off if my friends said that to me.

Is a "pretty little thing" something to aspire to? It makes my skin crawl.

That stylist made me look the absolute bestest I have ever been (and probably will be) in my life. Have quite a few photos from the event, I still like myself in them.

Not all angular like Bea Arthur (which probably would be closer to a supermodel standard these days), more built like that strong girl from Encanto (forgot the name). Not bulging muscles, just extra-wide rib cage and shoulders / arms, no hips or bum. Topped up with E sized breasts too, which looks like I am wearing a stuffed bra or balloons under my top.

I have to have my work blouses/shirts tailor made, as the alternative option is to wear off the shelf size 18 on the top (just to fit in - neck, shoulders, upper arms, and it still sits weirdly) and 8 on the bottom. Or to wear stretchy tops, but then the effect of a guy wearing a stuffed bra is even more pronounced.

Blessed with a masculine face too. Nothing alarming, but a very masculine jawline, low brow, and even male pattern baldness starting now. My brother, with the same features, is a very attractive man, and has absolutely no issue with female interest all his life. I have never been asked out or chatted up in my life by a man, I always had to make the first move and chase, chase, chase... and never had a long-term relationship, have always been left for a prettier woman very quickly.

I strongly suspect I might have had some sort of a testosterone glitch during the puberty, but now all seems to be within the normal range. I don't complain though, my life is pretty amazing. I do sometimes think about how would it be to live in a beautiful woman's skin just for a day, but then I often think how would my life be if I were my cat, so it is more a thought experiment than some burning desire or raging envy (I do envy the cat a bit though).

I am considered above averagely attractive, and I can honestly say it's given me zero advantages, in some ways it's been the opposite. Men have viewed me as a trophy, but not treated me with respect or dignity, I may get hit on, but it's from a very shallow perspective, once the conquest is achieved and they discover I have a brain and opinions and am not just decorative the novelty wears off. To compound this other women are often bitchy and jealous, assuming that I think I'm something special, or think I want to steal their man. I've even had friction at work as a result. I'm done with it. I don't wear make up, I don't style my hair, I don't dress 'nice' and I'd quite like to be viewed as a person rather than a thing of beauty.

Yes I'm aware men find me attractive, but I'm also very aware that this hasn't helped me in my life one single bit. I am a lone parent, I earn a low wage and have an invisible chronic health condition. Trust me, my lovely cheekbones and great skin are not helping me navigate life at all.

@Iamnotattractive You sound like great fun. I often ponder what it would be like to be my dog. I suspect it would be a life of high melodrama punctuated by dreams of squirrels.

Lots of posters on this thread are coming across as really kind, funny (@ReneBumsWombats has made me outright cackle several times), intelligent people. Which isn’t as common an occurrence as one might wish and is interesting on a thread about looks.

Our DM was very disparaging about men, probably because of all the crap she got from them.
I think it works in the opposite situation as well. I have yet to be wrong about the quality of a single man that my friends introduce. They joke that I am a witch with fortune-telling abilities, but I simply (and secretly) base my judgment on how they treat me, an objectively unattractive woman. Showing genuine interest in me as a person, or just as a minor annoyance they need to put up with in front of my friend to earn brownie points. A litmus paper that has never been wrong so far.

I never thought I was conventionally beautiful but I have been told I am and have amazing curves. I've been pestered by men my whole life and hated it. Men make certain assumptions about your intelligence, based on the size of my breasts and I hate it.

I thought once I hit my 40s I would start to become invisible. But at age 45, the men who pester you just get older. I am now pestered by 60+ men. I'm even married, but it doesn't actually stop.

This is so true, I think you see the true nature of me when you are objectively unattractive. I remember meeting up with an old school friend who was stunning at school, she mentioned a boy we knew at school and described him as “so sweet and funny”. He was actually a nasty bully who used to endlessly mock me for being ugly. We had totally different experiences of the same boys it turns out.

True nature of *men I mean