Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

So according to the pile on brigade, you think it is perfectly OK to say the world sees me as beautiful because I can be beautiful when my skin is good.

Yes of course it is. Why not, if it's true and relevant? She's got a particular aesthetic that's generally considered pleasant to look at. She's not saying it makes her better than anyone else. That would be you.

What on earth is your issue here? What is offending you? It's so odd.

I bet you don't go round telling everyone you are pretty, though. Probably enough ppl notice for themselves. That is the difference. Seems some cannot quite get that point.

Of course I don't but this thread is specifically about the topic

50 years ago, I was a beautiful young woman. though I was brought up to believe that somehow, beauty was something to be ashamed of. My mother was a jealous woman, who resented that her children were better looking, more intelligent and nicer people than her. I had no self-esteem at all, despite my academic success, which was actually a place to hide. Somehow, though, opportunities opened up for me. I was in the right place at the right time, and I have no doubt that my looks had a lot to do with it. I have had a wonderful life, despite a disastrous marriage to the first man who asked me, and who made me feel safe (initially) How much different would it have been, though, had I consciously known that I was beautiful and clever, and had been able to live an authentic life of confidence and self-knowledge.

and had been able to live an authentic life of confidence and self-knowledge.

even if you were not beautiful you still deserved a life like that.

This makes sense to me. I'm a long time married now, but then It was young and single I steered clear of good looking women. I just found them unfriendly. If a lot of other men are like me then good looking women will get a high proportion of a certain type of shithead man after them.

Frankly I'm not sure 'pretty privilege' is w worth that much.

I have an encouraging story.

A physiotherapist I see regularly is in her early 40s, no kids. She recently split with a long term partner and started online dating.

I'm going to be brutally frank here as she's someone I just know in a professional capacity. She's ok looking, but a bit overweight with quite bad posture IMO. So comes across as a very together and nice person, but definitely not sexy.

But she's had the most unbelievable time with online dating. She typically went on about three dates a week and, after about six months, is about to move in with someone she's been seeing for a few months. She's also stayed good friends with many of the dates she gone on that didn't work out.

What I can summarise from this is that she's funny, kind and has her own business, which seems to be catnip to most men!

From the age of about 17, I got a lot of attention, freebies etc. I was well aware throughout my 20s and 30s that certain things were easier for me because of how I looked. However I did find it harder to be taken seriously in my career. For example, once when working in crown court, a guy shouted at me that I was in the wrong place and should be in the lap dancing club a few doors down. Overall though, the attention gave me a lot of confidence, which I still have, even though my looks are fading!

Yabu for valuing the attention of a man in the basis of being more decorative than the average woman. Being less than supermodel is a useful twat filter.

I have a friend who is really gorgeous- as a teenager she was briefly in a girl band having been scouted from modelling. Can barely sing a note.

I love her but at university she was forever getting bunches of flowers delivered, being whisked away for proper formal dates and romanced and at 28 she married the perfect successful investment guy and now is a mostly at home London mum with a fun creative streak. That is...not how straightforward it was for the rest of our group.

I'm shocked to find that some women here seem to feel entitled to better treatment because of their looks and have berated OP for even noticing that she hasn't had the same opportunities in the dating field as other, better looking women.

Why is it still a taboo for a woman to notice and comment on her own plainness and lack of male attention? Doesn't that imply that these women aren't allowed a voice?

Men seem especially shallow and visual, but studies have shown that good looking people are treated better throughout society.

It's not just a matter of 'be more confident, do this skincare regime and wear nice clothes'. To a large degree, beauty is down to genetics and society's standards of beauty, which Josephine Bloggs can do little about. In addition, why should women feel chained to their makeup and heels if they aren't enjoying it?

There's nothing wrong with being beautiful either, and in fact I'm sure this creates its own problems.

My point is that there's also nothing wrong with being a plain or even an ugly woman. There's nothing wrong with saying 'F your beauty standards' and choosing to pay less attention to your appearance. By doing this, you aren't saying that you want to be single or lonely forever, but simply saying 'I choose to be a woman on my own terms'. Why should this choice be such a target for judgement?

/Rant over

Hi OP. I’m pretty and i’m a model. Tall and slim. Now i’m 33 and a mum but still pretty and slim. I’m not from UK aswell so my face feature is very different. I feel blessed but believe me i know not all people have same opportunities. I think your friend just trying to be nice to you. But i think pretty people know that we got lots of privilege for being good looking.

😄
Thank you for this!

I hope I’ll be as lucky as you.

What’s the problem @Mississipi71 ?

Why shouldn’t a beautiful person acknowledge they are beautiful?
Nothing wrong with that.
And it served a purpose, considering what this thread is about.

This is so incredibly odd.

"I have a friend who isn't beautiful but is perfectly nice looking...but she is shit at flirting and doesn't think much of herself looks-wise. I've seen men watch her as she crosses a room, or come on to her, and she's totally oblivious. She'd tell you it never happens. It does."
This could describe me, I'm average, always been small and slim and look younger than my age but my face is average, not unattractive most of the time but I've got slightly wonky teeth and some days one eyelid is not friends with the other one.
I suppose I can look quite 'harsh', and paired with an awkward standoffish personality I can come off as abit of a bitch as a first impression.
I've had plenty of men approach me or ask me out but sometimes it's takes me days to realise that's actually happened, or if it is overt at the time I just shut down and don't know what to do.
I strongly suspect im autistic, for lots of reasons.
I've never been beautiful but I've always been slim.
I've always had men shouting things at me in the street, ranging from calling me a drag queen to asking me to get my tits out to 'you alright gorgeous' ; I see all of these things as the same thing, a violation of my right to go about my daily business without harassment and scrutiny.
Just today a man in a work van beeped his horn at me to get my attention whist stuck in traffic, I wish id gave him the finger instead of stupidly smiling.
I think meeting the right person for you is mostly luck, and as other posters have alluded to, depending on your age, even if you are the most beautiful woman which most of us are not, where are the equivalent men? Not just looks wise but together, healthy, hard working, stable driven, honest men? There are not that many to pick from to begin with no matter what you look like.
I met my partner online, he's not perfect, he's not what most women would pick out as especially handsome, he's below average height for a start, but to me he's the most gorgeous man in the world because I love him and I love his personality and how he was straight forward and honest with me about his feelings and intentions from the start.

😂😂😂

You honestly sound crazy, at this point. Is this real? 😂

Are you?

Self awareness is attractive @Mississipi71

Give it a go, you might like it 😊

Also if multiple people take issue with a comment / series of comments you've made, and believe them to be mean spirited if you, it's worth thinking about whether you've perhaps expressed yourself poorly or your opinion is problematic.

Rather than assuming everyone else is wrong. You know, humility is a virtue and all that.

I’m very pretty (gasp - the unbridled cheek)! I was traffic stoppingly hot in my 20’s, and I’m still extremely conventionally attractive in my 30’s.

However, there were three years when I got fat. BMI of 30 fat. Clothes didn’t fit, I felt terrible and the way people interacted with my on a daily basis changed MASSIVELY. I’d basically been given stuff my whole life: seats on the Tube, free stuff, even jobs. People smiled at me, men held doors open and everyone was…pleasant. When I was fat, I was basically invisible and it was a new experience. Not wholly unpleasant, if I’m honest.

I’ve lost the weight and size 10 me is getting all the perks of pretty privilege again. The only difference being that now I KNOW that’s what it is. I previously had no idea.

Interestingly, I met DH while I was tubby. My dating life prior to that had been disastrous! So, there’s possibly some truth to pp’s theories around pretty privilege not necessarily translating to healthy relationships. Or maybe I just dated dicks in my 20’s. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Nope. I am single minded, in this instance. So you think a handful of posters are going to sway me by piling on? I stand by what I said. As for being mean spirited, some of the responses to my post have been personal and I believe one was removed by MN. Says a lot really about not being able to take another person's opinion, without getting nasty. Hypocrisy, I believe it is called. My turn to wave you 👋 goodbye.

@Mississipi71

Nope. I am single minded, in this instance.

Colour me shocked!

Says a lot really about not being able to take another person's opinion, without getting nasty.

The irony 😂

Bye then.

I have a stepson in his early thirties. He is good-looking, has a good job, his own house. He has been single for years - he’s brilliant with my younger kids. He is a lovely guy but a little shy. He says he’d love to meet someone he never feels confident to go up to girls on a night out with his mates. His hobbies are very male-centric - football and golf. No-one single his age at work. And he hasn’t the confidence to try online dating. I feel very sad for him. He is not a fan of the fake lashes, big lips trend. He wants a partner who is career minded like him. So if anyone comes up with any great ideas for OP to meet up with guys that doesn’t involve getting chatted up in a bar …or online dating …I’ll send my lovely young man along!

This has happened to me in hospital too. I've was in for a long stay and made friends with a really lovely lady in the next bed. All of the staff and other patients treated her differently to the frumpy me with crazy hair (paralysis had left me unable to wash and straighten it). People (myself included it seems) were drawn to her. A similar situation when I was in for an 8hr treatment.
Sometimes I'm pleased to be invisible buy other times it does make me sad.

PS my comment above was in response to @whatstheteamarie and @SophieHasOneQuestion comments about the lack of decent single men!