Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being upset at my family for calling me lazy?

133 replies

prettybutditzy · 10/08/2022 08:45

My parents are calling me lazy because I decided to take on a second job because I'm taking a gap year. They say taking on a second job is an American idea and that no one will want to hire me again bc I won't be available for extra shifts at my first job bc I'll be too busy with my second. They say I'm being lazy and have even suggested I move back in and give them control of my bank information which I really don't want to do) : honestly I just want to save up as much money as I can before I start uni next year bc my parents aren't going to help me and I won't get much in loans bc their income is high.. I think they're also mad bc I'll be 19 when starting uni and I'll be behind everyone else which is why I'm asking this question bc maybe they do have a point about some stuff

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 10/08/2022 08:47

It sounds more like an attempt to undermine and control you. Were they expecting to use your time in some way? Helping them decorate, supervise younger siblings, something like that?

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2022 08:48

Sounds very odd thinking to accuse someone working 2 jobs of being lazy.

Starting uni at 19 isn’t an issue.

Keep forging your own path!

Original poster
prettybutditzy · 10/08/2022 08:50

@picklemewalnuts i don't look after my 3 younger siblings nearly as much as i used to bc work gets in the way now so now I just go to my parents in the morning to get the kids ready for school and take them to school and then I'll pick then up and walk them a home after before my next shift

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/08/2022 08:50

Ignore them, they sound controlling.

where are you living now then if you aren’t at uni?

Original poster
prettybutditzy · 10/08/2022 08:52

@BigSandyBalls2015 I'm renting with a friend at the moment but I'll be looking for student accommodation when I start uni

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 10/08/2022 08:52

prettybutditzy · 10/08/2022 08:50

@picklemewalnuts i don't look after my 3 younger siblings nearly as much as i used to bc work gets in the way now so now I just go to my parents in the morning to get the kids ready for school and take them to school and then I'll pick then up and walk them a home after before my next shift

Woah, what?! Why are you even doing this? I’m sorry OP, you don’t sound like you’re being treated very fairly at all.

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2022 08:53

prettybutditzy · 10/08/2022 08:50

@picklemewalnuts i don't look after my 3 younger siblings nearly as much as i used to bc work gets in the way now so now I just go to my parents in the morning to get the kids ready for school and take them to school and then I'll pick then up and walk them a home after before my next shift

This isn’t normal.

HoppingPavlova · 10/08/2022 08:53

Why are you going back to your parents to manage your siblings? Why can’t they manage your siblings like parents are meant to?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 10/08/2022 08:55

Starting uni at 19 is very normal. I was 22 when I went! 😆

You sound very sensible.

Mosaic123 · 10/08/2022 08:56

I hope uni will be away from your home so you can't help.

Are your parents disabled?

You sound like the third parent!

ShandaLear · 10/08/2022 08:57

You’re not lazy. They just don’t like you being less available to help them. You shouldn’t be getting your siblings ready and taking them to and from school. That’s your parent’s job, unless there’s some reason why they can’t. It’s great that you can help your family but it’s not an obligation and you shouldn’t feel forced to do it.

butterflied · 10/08/2022 08:58

Well, from what's here you're the opposite of lazy. It's an odd setup with your siblings. They're your parents' responsibility.

Odd all around.

Walkaround · 10/08/2022 08:58

Your parents are being lazy - they want you back home to provide free childcare.

supersonicginandtonic · 10/08/2022 08:59

Your parents are controlling you. I would try and make yourself as independent as possible from them. Wanting Control of your bank account is financial abuse.
You sound anything but lazy.

pointythings · 10/08/2022 09:00

You're not lazy, you're very hard working. Be wary of your parents, they clearly do not have your best interests at heart.

Plenty of people start uni at 19 and older - several people on DD2's course are a year older because they did a foundation year first, for starters. Then there's mature students. You won't stand out at all and well done to you for working and saving up.

Do not under any circumstances move back home.

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2022 09:03

OP - coming from a person who had family who always felt they could dictate how my time or money was spent - your parents are controlling.

Forge a party to independence before you become enmeshed with them.

YaaYaaYaa · 10/08/2022 09:04

Walkaround · 10/08/2022 08:58

Your parents are being lazy - they want you back home to provide free childcare.

THIS!!!

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/08/2022 09:04

You are working 2 jobs
And looking after 3 siblings
They want you to move home
They want your bank account
They are calling you names

This is abusive, controlling behaviour. You need to stay away.

Shinyandnew1 · 10/08/2022 09:04

i don’t think your parents understand what the word lazy means.

Sciurus83 · 10/08/2022 09:07

Go to Uni far far away from your home town. Seriously, if you haven't done that and have chosen somewhere close so you can still come home (which I imagine your parents have tried to convince you to do) change your uni place. It is not normal to do the amount of care for your younger siblings that you do, and you say this is less than you used to. It is a terrible system for people like you at the mercy of selfish parents when it comes to loans. I remember being so shocked to find out that one of my friends from uni came from a rich family with royal connections, she had absolutely no help, could never afford to do anything with her friends and often couldn't afford food. Not spoiling kids is one thing, that was something else. The loans are for an adult so should be done so on an independent basis IMO.

rainbowstardrops · 10/08/2022 09:12

You sound far from lazy. Your parents however ......
Why on earth are they not looking after their own children? I hope you go to a uni far enough away from them!

Newestname002 · 10/08/2022 09:15

I agree with the other posters on here, OP. You sound the absolute reverse of lazy. In fact it sounds like you have too much on your plate now.

Please don't let your parents anywhere your hard earned finances which you will need to plan for your own future - it doesn't sound like they are doing so in any positive way.

You should not be doing all you are currently doing with your younger siblings - what are your parents doing? Hopefully you will be at a university quite some distance from them do you get some measure of independence. Strength to you @prettybutditzy

BTW - looking at your user name. You sound anything BUT ditzy. Sounds like you have your stuff together. 🌹

mumonthehill · 10/08/2022 09:17

You are not lazy! Also speak to student loans as you might receive more if you are living independently from your parents, a friend of my sons was in your situation and parents income was not taken into account for the loan so worth a call.

niceandsimple · 10/08/2022 09:19

Sorry, I'm confused. You have 2 jobs to earn money for Uni, you help with your younger siblings daily, on top of living in another place, which means I assume housework, cooking washing cleaning etc. And they call this lazy???

You are an adult with your own life. You have to lay down boundaries. I am also a people pleaser, and usually say yes when someone asks for help. But this... it is not help they want but free labour.

I used to know someone who came to live with relatives of hers when she was a young girl. She started of by "earning her keep" but by the end she became their housekeeper. She was never allowed to leave and stayed with them until they died. Don't be that person.

Mischance · 10/08/2022 09:23

prettybutditzy · 10/08/2022 08:50

@picklemewalnuts i don't look after my 3 younger siblings nearly as much as i used to bc work gets in the way now so now I just go to my parents in the morning to get the kids ready for school and take them to school and then I'll pick then up and walk them a home after before my next shift

For goodness sake - why are you doing all this? These 3 children are not your responsibility at all! You have left home and are living your own life and these are their children for whom they must take responsibility.

As to them wanting your bank info ....... words fail me! It has bugger all to do with them!!

Get on with your life and ignore their pleas - sounds as if you have it all sussed; and you are very sensible to be saving up for uni - well done you.