AIBU for being upset at my family for calling me lazy?

[prettybutditzy]

My parents are calling me lazy because I decided to take on a second job because I'm taking a gap year. They say taking on a second job is an American idea and that no one will want to hire me again bc I won't be available for extra shifts at my first job bc I'll be too busy with my second. They say I'm being lazy and have even suggested I move back in and give them control of my bank information which I really don't want to do) : honestly I just want to save up as much money as I can before I start uni next year bc my parents aren't going to help me and I won't get much in loans bc their income is high.. I think they're also mad bc I'll be 19 when starting uni and I'll be behind everyone else which is why I'm asking this question bc maybe they do have a point about some stuff

Are they paying you an appropriate rate to do the work you are doing with your siblings or are you doing it all because you always have? (Taking out your emotional connection and desire to care for them)
if you were living with them, it might be part of your family tasks and quite reasonable, but you are not. You have a separate home, pay your own rent and household bills etc. They should be paying you the going rate for the hours of care you are doing for them (note, for them, not for your siblings- you can spend time with them and enjoy their company when it suits you all, not when you are doing a responsible job for your parents…)

Your parents are completely appalling people. They don't want you to be able to afford university. They want to keep you at home because you're providing free childcare for them. They're basically treating you as their servant. And no, OF COURSE you shouldn't give them control of your bank account.

Going to uni at 19 is absolutely fine. Loads of people do (including me - I worked in retail for a year to save up some money before I went to uni. It's not an issue).

Have you been honest with them about the finances of uni, OP? DO they know you'll get reduced loans because they are wealthy?

It's simply bonkers to call you 'lazy' (I take it they mean academically) when you're planning on working multiple jobs!

You should be commended, really! You're dealing with this in a really grown up way. I'm sure lots of your friends who are going this year are being well supported financially by their parents. Make sure your parents, who sound a little embarrassed that you're not going to uni with your peers, are aware of why you can't.

They've put you in a rather difficult position and you're being very mature about it, OP.

I really hope you manage to make enough money to get to uni next year and I'm sure when you do go you'll do very well..x.

You need to stop doing the school runs. It's insane.

I can believe it, regrettably.

Clearly, they want you to move back home so you can be a free, live-in child carer.

You can sign so form and say your independent of your parents income, and get more loans if need be. My friend had to do this as her parents refused to help her,

Tell them you won’t be doing school runs from now on so they can make other arrangements!

What will you be studying?
If it’s mathematics, for example, advice is often not to take a gap year and your parents might be right here.
But for what it’s worth, if you were my child I’d be over the moon that you were saving for University, getting experience, and not being lazy!

That’s exactly what I thought.

I think you’re great, you are already thinking ahead, well done to you!!

You won’t be “behind everyone else”. You’re not expected to catch up with people who started a year before you. You’ll be at the same stage as everyone else in your year group. Nobody cares at university if you are a year older or younger than someone else.

Also, definitely do not let your parents access your bank account. What do they even say they want that for?

You are not the property of your parents, which is how they are treating you.

I'd tell them they need to sort out your younger siblings on their own as you lie independently and work elsewhere like the adult you are.

Go low contact if you have to.

I’m confused.

What are you taking a gap year from?

Are you working full time at your first job?

So not only do they want you to be available to run around and look after your siblings as and when, they now also want access to your money and for you to move home.

I can see exactly what will happen- you will end up with no access to your own money, you will be working but not being able to save and they will expect you to run around even more because you are living at home.

you aren’t lazy, you are not just unavailable to do what they want you to!

So it’s actually your parents who are lazy by expecting you to parent their children.
I went to uni at 19. I wasn’t behind.
You sound like a very mature person with their head screwed on right, don’t move back in and let them stifle your progress!

Get out!!!! Run. You are being taken advantage of.

This is why they don't want you to get a second job, because then they night have to actually, you know, parent, rather than have free childcare to do it for them.
YANBU get the second job, go to uni next year and keep forging your own life.

You are the very opposite of lazy, and your parents don’t want you taking on a second job because they want you to be available to do free childcare for them. Never move back in with these people. I’m sorry you don’t have nicer, more supportive parents OP. 😞

I had a year working as my DP weren't able to or expected to contribute. It was a good idea. Do have some holidays too tho, as I went to Uni frazzled.

There is definitely something going on with your parents tho. Get some counselling through student services when you get to Uni.

My mum was 34! And got a masters at 47. 19 is absolutely fine.

Doing 2 jobs and looking after 3 youger siblings? Is this a wind-up?

Your parents are a pair of abusive bellends and that's all there is to it.
If you were my child, I'd be immensely proud of you and supporting you in your very sensible decisions and I bet every PP would say the same.
You do you, keep doing you, you will flourish and leave them behind and feel so much better for it. 💐

They sound very controlling have you posted before sounds familiar

get on with your own life you dont owe them childcare or anything else

Keep being you OP. You sound like you have your priorities right and a good work ethic and are very kind. Don’t let others make you doubt yourself