AIBU for being upset at my family for calling me lazy?

[prettybutditzy]

My parents are calling me lazy because I decided to take on a second job because I'm taking a gap year. They say taking on a second job is an American idea and that no one will want to hire me again bc I won't be available for extra shifts at my first job bc I'll be too busy with my second. They say I'm being lazy and have even suggested I move back in and give them control of my bank information which I really don't want to do) : honestly I just want to save up as much money as I can before I start uni next year bc my parents aren't going to help me and I won't get much in loans bc their income is high.. I think they're also mad bc I'll be 19 when starting uni and I'll be behind everyone else which is why I'm asking this question bc maybe they do have a point about some stuff

There must be lots of people starting uni at 19. If you don't start until late September or the beginning of October there will be people who have had their 19th birthdays by then.

You sound really sensible. Taking a gap year is absolutely fine as is working two jobs.

Definitely don't share your bank details and I'm not sure on why you are doing the childcare for your siblings!

As others have said this is not OK.

Distance yourself from them massively, when you are filing for student loan I would claim estrangement so you are entitled to the full loan. I would state that this is down to abusive, controlling behaviour citing everything you have stated here. Do you know where you are applying? Wellbeing support at your chosen uni may be able to help with this.

They aren't using lazy in the way you think they are.

What they mean is @prettybutditzy isn't available to watch the children the way she used to do, so now we have to take care of our own kids. I'm too lazy to do that though. It's called projection.

Do what you want - you are free, independent, hardworking and making your own way in the world. I would be so proud of you if you were my DD.

DO NOT SHARE YOUR BANK DETAILS!

Just noticed that bit. Sorry for caps but omg no. And please make sure any of your financial info is being sent to the rental, not your house. Echo what a pp said about applying as an independent student too.

have even suggested I move back in and give them control of my bank information
😂😂😂
Your parents are controlling nightmares & this is a batshit suggestion that only suits THEM & has nothing to do with your welfare OP.

Note how illogical their premise is, & don't get upset - laugh at it. Laugh at your parents. Full in their faces if need be. How on earth does it stack up that a person taking on a second job is LAZY? It makes no sense & the PP who observed it is an attempt to undermine & control you is bang-on.

They are not worried about your second job getting in the way of your first job btw.
They are worried it might interfere with all the childminding you do for them.

Have a think about that, & spread your wings as soon as possible & as far away from your parent's house as you can manage.

Please don't let them bully you any more than they already have done. Retain your independence and don't let them anywhere near your money. If they push tell them it's all under control and you don't need any help with that side of things. No drama, just repeat as often as necessary.

Quite apart from doing the right thing for you by working hard and becoming independent you are being an excellent role model for your siblings.

The only lazy ones here are your parents, this is really sad you are 19 live your life to the fullest by your own terms, stop giving free labour to 3 kids you didn’t even birth and force your parents to be parents to there kids. Don’t give them your money and deffo don’t move home and let them hold you back in life for their own convenience

Carry on with what you are doing your parents are lazy and want to control you, working for a year before Uni gives you valuable real world experience and isa big advantage.

I would cut back on helping with younger siblings and claim as much loan as you can. And never give them your bank details

They sound like the lazy ones if you have been getting younger siblings ready for school and ferrying them there and back!

Don’t let them have any control or knowledge of your savings, else they’ll be badgering you to lend (I.e. give them the money) or there will be one ‘crisis’ after another that they will want to fritter it away on.

Be careful what gets sent to their address (statements, car license etc.) so no one can take out loans in your name. Put yourself on the electoral register of where you are living now and get stuff sent there.

Never get into any situation where they persuade you to open say a joint account with them or for them to have power of attorney over your finances!

Of course you will be far to busy attending Uni to help getting your siblings to school!

give them control of my bank information

Woah, major red flag. It sounds like they want to just control you, they can't handle the fact you are now a legal adult, plus they are worried about losing their free child care.

It is clearly nonsense to call someone lazy for having 2 jobs. Loads of students take gap years, it's really common. Indeed, when I was applying for university we were told universities look favourably upon people who've done a gap year as they have more life experience and are a bit more mature.

Live your life the way you want to. Do NOT under any circumstances give them control of your bank information.

You sound amazing! Good for you. Just have a think about what your parents ask from you and if it’s fair. We obviously only know part of the story but it sounds like they are controlling. Maybe worth chatting it over with some non involved friends? Stay on the boards here and you’ll get great advice.

Bloody hell, I can see why you don't live with them!

So much wrong with their attitude.

Someone who works two jobs isn't lazy, exactly the opposite.
What they mean is they are pissed off that you won't be their free nanny and housekeeper. THEY are selfish and lazy.
You are going to uni and can't get full loan because of their income but it doesn't sound like they will contribute - so if you don't work/ save you won't be able to go. (Again, selfish of them.)
I'd normally say move back home as it will be easier to save but in this instance, unlikely. They want to have charge of your banking WTF!?! Let me guess, your earnings/savings would pretty quickly disappear in the "rent" they decide you owe them!
Awful people.

You know they are full of shit don't you?

They want control of your money and time.

Don't allow it.

@prettybutditzy I wouldn't be annoyed with them, I would leave them to manage your siblings themselves. Do whatever you want to do with your own life and good luck with uni :)x

'Lazy' here = 'is doing something for herself [to smooth her path to freedom] rather than being available to us as our childcare machine'.

I'm so sorry your parents are not giving you the support, for your start in life, that you need and deserve. Hold on to your freedom. Do your second job. Do NOT share your bank details with them. And keep disentangling yourself from this toxicity (with therapeutic/counselling support if at all possible).

You need to run a million miles from these people.

@prettybutditzy I graduated at 34 and met a lady in uni who was doing her second degree in her 80's. Her first one in English had resulted in a First class honours degree!

They want their house elf back.

You need to stop enabling them by taking on a parental role with your siblings. Most 19 year olds are still financially dependent on their parents and get largely looked after by them too, / family meals provided, may be expected to do a bit round the house but they are largely still “cared for”.

it sounds like your parents see things very differently and you have done incredibly well to grow into the diligent, responsible and thoughtful person you are but you must protect yourself or they will sabotage you and drag you down.

Doing 2 jobs is the opposite of lazy. What on earth are they talking about?! Perhaps they should look up the word in a dictionary. They sound very controlling.

(I meant driving license which is used to certify identity).

I’d be prepared for some family “emergency” that they will use to try and stop you going to University (DM is ‘ill’ and needs you to look after younger siblings, do the housework and needs your savings to pay for boiler repairs etc.)

And this.

I'd go as far as to say your parents are abusive, OP.

Also helping out your parents with childcare now and again is normal and part of being a family, but what you're doing is full-on childminder or au pair duties. IMO parents should be paying their child for that amount of work and level of commitment. IMO it certainly shouldn't be something you're expected to do to the detriment of your own life.