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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not accommodate Very Important Neighbour's new home office?

739 replies

Knitwit101 · 09/08/2022 14:35

We've lived next door to these neighbours for years. Know each other well enough to say hi, put bins out on holiday, but we're not friends. We've been using our garden in the same way for years. No changes on our side, nothing new.

We've come back from holiday to find neighbour has re-organised his home office and he now sits at a massive (open) window right on the boundary between our gardens. That must have been a spare bedroom before maybe, I don't know. We never saw anyone in it.

I sat outside at our patio table this morning to have a coffee and I could hear every word he said through his open window, could hear every word his colleagues said on their online meetings. He might as well have been sitting at the table with me. Not sure there's much I can do about that, he can use his house however he likes.

Ds10 and his pals are sitting outside at the table trading Pokemom cards. There's 4 of them, they are laughing and chatting but they're not shouting or being silly. And it's a sunny afternoon in the school holidays, they can be outside laughing in the garden if they want to be.

Neighbour has just come to the door to ask me if I can take them inside because he has a full afternoon of work meetings and their noise is distracting him.

I said "what, the whole afternoon? You want them to stay indoors all afternoon?"

He said completely straight-faced "I'll be working till 6.30pm"

I laughed and said "well no, that won't be possible".

At this point he said in a very slow, careful, mansplaining voice just in case I couldn't follow him "I don't think you understand. I have a Very Important Job. These are very important meetings. I negotiate multi-million dollar contracts every day, I need to be able to concentrate."

Seriously? I always though he was a bit of a twat but who talks like this? Who actually says "Very Important" like that? Twice? He has no idea what my job is or how important dh or I might be.

I just said "no, we'll carry on using our garden as we always have. Maybe you could close your window when you're needing to concentrate. And just so you're aware, I can hear you and your colleagues when your window is open, I hope you're not saying anything confidential. I must get on, thanks for doing the bins while we were away" then shut the door.

He's gone, I can hear him on his Very Important Meeting. I could join in, I can hear every word on both sides. I suspect he'll be back, probably when dh is back from work so they can talk man to man.

He's unsettled me though, he was so self-confident when he came to the door, so sure that he would get exactly what he wanted. How do you get that kind of confidence? I wish I had it. Or is it arrogance? He made me think I was in the wrong at first.

We love our garden, we use it all the time. I'm not sure how we'll deal with this one, but I wasn't BU by refusing to bring the kids inside, was I? He's the one who has made the change, not us. I don't think wfh is new for him, he was just somewhere else in his house before I guess. Now he's on top of our patio with his big booming voice. I feel quite sad about it, if he's there all day every day it's going to be awful.

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 11/08/2022 11:19

There will be likely no change required on house insurance if the neighbour is doing admin / office work. IT equipment is just standard and would be covered per normal domestic contents.

needacorset · 11/08/2022 11:25

Well done OP for being assertive at the precise moment you needed to be assertive, not aggressive, not passive, but assertive👏And not rolling over, then thinking it over afterwards about what you could have said, like I do🙁
Your response was spot on. You are not being unreasonable, your neighbour is being unreasonable.

TabithaTittlemouse · 11/08/2022 11:41

I would have pretend very important meetings in my garden every day.

deedeeweewee · 11/08/2022 13:08

This is brilliant, lucky old him being able to work from home in his office. Not only is he being a git re the kids, what about breaching GDPR when his conversations are wafting around the neighbourhood?

He needs to shut his windows. Enjoy your summer and I hope your DS has lots of fun fun fun! x 😝

Mrangrylivesnextdoor · 11/08/2022 17:11

Abracadabra12345 · Yesterday 23:22
LuaDipa · Yesterday 11:44
Another one who thinks your response was perfect op.

I will be wfh with my doors open today and fully expect to hear the neighbours enjoying their gardens on a sunny day because I’m not a twat.

I doubt he’ll be back round now he knows you’re not going to be a pushover so don’t worry.
Do you make work calls or have work meetings? I find the wfh trend deeply depressing. I have 3 close neighbours who wfh and although it’s not all day, I am subjected to their booming calls and meetings because the sunshine is endless and patio doors or windows are open. Then there’s one who’s semi retired and he’s making speaker phone calls. In the not so long ago “old days” they’d be in an office and there wouldn’t be good enough mobile signals to take the phone outside. The days of quiet enjoyment of a garden seems a fantasy for anyone with neighbours.

I hate wfh and the impact it’s had on neighbours

👏👏my next door neighbour not only paces around the garden loudly on a call repeating the same ‘erm so yeah’ over and over in his calls (in a normal-ish calm voice which is the only time he manages to speak normally , he hides his true character for when he’s not on work calls, which is the point I’m getting to) But , maybe a bit off point to OP’s issue , he has the most angry/aggressive sounding flare-ups I have had the misfortune to hear and it’s Every time he’s home , without fail! There is something wrong with him .
. I introduced us to the lady of the house when they moved in but they’ve (he ) has avoided making any contact and it’s been 7 years , so actually don’t want to speak to him knowing how horrible he is to his kids and dog ☹️. What is obvious is how up himself he is, and thinks in his four walls all the neighbours around can’t hear him - yes we can- when he’s outside angry sometimes he tries to tone it down - but fails, til he steps back inside.

We used to have normal neighbours, rant over 😤Yes OP your neighbour is out of order, should have got a detached house in the country if he thinks he can use his house his way but people close by can’t!

Mrangrylivesnextdoor · 11/08/2022 17:17

Trumpetsatdawn · Yesterday 17:52
Last time my child was abused verbally by a neighbour for being noisy playing football alone (!) I gave them a recorder and told them to blow on it as loud as possible whenever the man started shouting. Neighbour soon stopped.
🤣🤣🤣

Tiani4 · 11/08/2022 17:22

@Knitwit101

Absolutely live your family life and use your garden as is reasonable

Your NDN will have to do his VIP job with his window shut and a fan on him using headphones with microphone when wfh same as the rest of us who work on confidential and Very Important jobs do!!!

Jeez does he think his job is more important than my life saving and hugely confidential work?? I never walk around the garden making phone calls and would never have windows open with NdN outside who could overhear. That's my responsibility as an employee and professional and I would lose my job if I breached confidentiality

If he's complaining that he can hear you out in your garden from his newly positioned office, then you can definitely hear him!!! Mr Mc Shouty..

It's your home, your garden you use it as you see fit.
I can understand if you had a noisy party with loud blaring music 🎶 outside from 2pm onwards bc that might be unreasonable unless it was a birthday party or one off, but normal every day life? He is an entitled prick who didn't think it through when he moved his home office and decided to leave his windows open!

Tiani4 · 11/08/2022 17:22

@Knitwit101

Absolutely live your family life and use your garden as is reasonable

Your NDN will have to do his VIP job with his window shut and a fan on him using headphones with microphone when wfh same as the rest of us who work on confidential and Very Important jobs do!!!

Jeez does he think his job is more important than my life saving and hugely confidential work?? I never walk around the garden making phone calls and would never have windows open with NdN outside who could overhear. That's my responsibility as an employee and professional and I would lose my job if I breached confidentiality

If he's complaining that he can hear you out in your garden from his newly positioned office, then you can definitely hear him!!! Mr Mc Shouty..

It's your home, your garden you use it as you see fit.
I can understand if you had a noisy party with loud blaring music 🎶 outside from 2pm onwards bc that might be unreasonable unless it was a birthday party or one off, but normal every day life? He is an entitled prick who didn't think it through when he moved his home office and decided to leave his windows open!

Tiani4 · 11/08/2022 17:23

Whoops MN failed to save
1 sorry it has now done it twice!

Tiani4 · 11/08/2022 17:24

Whoops MN failed to save
1 sorry it has now done it twice!

Petlover9 · 11/08/2022 17:53

OP find some details of large houses set within at least an acre, mark them as suitable for men with Very Important jobs and post through his door. Meanwhile perhaps you could develop a liking for radio plays/talking books while you sit in your garden sipping a drink - just saying...!

LadyDanburysCane · 11/08/2022 18:00

I hate wfh and the impact it’s had on neighbours

DH works from home. I don’t even think the neighbours realised! The only impact on the neighbours is that he sometimes takes in parcels for them….

Hoffcope · 11/08/2022 18:23

If DH is anything like my husband, (I had a similar conversation with my relatively new WFH neighbour which went pretty much the way yours did, well done btw!) he'll agree to whatever t**t neighbour is asking for an easy life.

balalake · 11/08/2022 18:24

Any developments today, OP?

fetchacloth · 11/08/2022 20:21

Glittertwins · 11/08/2022 11:19

There will be likely no change required on house insurance if the neighbour is doing admin / office work. IT equipment is just standard and would be covered per normal domestic contents.

Not necessarily. My insurer insists on a declaration if I'm working from home.
I had to do that a couple of years ago during the pandemic.

LaDamaDeElche · 11/08/2022 20:23

Your answer showed equal confidence and that you are very self-assured! Great answer to him to be fair!

LadyDanburysCane · 12/08/2022 08:39

fetchacloth · 11/08/2022 20:21

Not necessarily. My insurer insists on a declaration if I'm working from home.
I had to do that a couple of years ago during the pandemic.

Our insurance went DOWN (only a tiny bit) when we told them DH was now WFH “because your property will be left unattended less often”.

Blantw · 12/08/2022 14:58

You've done well, don't worry about the confrontation or what he thinks. If quiet is so important to him, he'll move his office elsewhere. If I was you I'd arrange a games morning for your children and friends, to make a point that you will not be intimidated.

SouthernComforter · 12/08/2022 16:16

I feel for you, OP. You are definitely right to stand your ground. I have a different but similar problem in that my neighbour in the next door downstairs flat (she's about my age I think, which is early 40s) has never really grown out of her emo kid years (multi coloured hair, volunteers in a cat rescue centre, has various rescue animals about the place). All of these this is totally fine/her business - but she also sits out in the garden every evening listening to heavy metal. It's loud enough to hear from my garden or either of my back bedrooms (upstairs). I haven't really had friends around recently because of it. Do I say something or not? She goes indoors at about 11pm every evening.

mollythedogsmum · 12/08/2022 18:09

Sadly I work with a LOT of people (men) like this. Keep the faith. Its ur garden, get them out there playing loudly

Hidingawaytoday · 12/08/2022 19:01

SouthernComforter · 12/08/2022 16:16

I feel for you, OP. You are definitely right to stand your ground. I have a different but similar problem in that my neighbour in the next door downstairs flat (she's about my age I think, which is early 40s) has never really grown out of her emo kid years (multi coloured hair, volunteers in a cat rescue centre, has various rescue animals about the place). All of these this is totally fine/her business - but she also sits out in the garden every evening listening to heavy metal. It's loud enough to hear from my garden or either of my back bedrooms (upstairs). I haven't really had friends around recently because of it. Do I say something or not? She goes indoors at about 11pm every evening.

I'd say something, just politely ask her to turn it down as she might not realise how loud it is. And if that doesn't work sit in your garden and play cheesy pop music - S Club 7, Spice Girls etc.

Endlesslypatient82 · 12/08/2022 19:07

SouthernComforter · 12/08/2022 16:16

I feel for you, OP. You are definitely right to stand your ground. I have a different but similar problem in that my neighbour in the next door downstairs flat (she's about my age I think, which is early 40s) has never really grown out of her emo kid years (multi coloured hair, volunteers in a cat rescue centre, has various rescue animals about the place). All of these this is totally fine/her business - but she also sits out in the garden every evening listening to heavy metal. It's loud enough to hear from my garden or either of my back bedrooms (upstairs). I haven't really had friends around recently because of it. Do I say something or not? She goes indoors at about 11pm every evening.

Very very odd post!!

Handyweatherstation · 13/08/2022 08:47

Not odd at all. I'd absolutely hate it if my neighbour played heavy metal in the garden until 11pm every night.

Endlesslypatient82 · 13/08/2022 08:49

Odd she mentions the dyed hair and fact she works at a rescue centre!!

Handyweatherstation · 13/08/2022 08:52

Artistic license 😅

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