Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

529 replies

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:10

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

OP posts:
whumpthereitis · 09/08/2022 13:29

You cried in private and then went and told someone about it. It’s a weird thing to console someone over, what was he expected to say? “Sorry you look your age?”.

Based on what you’ve said it sounds like this was a last straw event for your friend, and he wasn’t at all inclined to offer sympathy for a complete non event. It’s ridiculous.

AlexandriasWindmill · 09/08/2022 13:29

I'm having flashes of 'if a tree falls in a forest ...'
'If a person cries in a toilet and doesn't tell anyone ...'

Very ott OP. All of it. From the crying to the telling your friend to the chat with your DP to this thread. Maybe there are other underlying issues making you particularly sensitive atm.

Ilovemycat1 · 09/08/2022 13:32

Whats wrong with looking over 21

weleasewoderick23 · 09/08/2022 13:32

Honestly, the absolute bollocks that gets posted on here Blush

BobDear · 09/08/2022 13:33

OP: I am not a drama queen
Mumsnet: You are a drama queen
OP: Massive Flounce and more ludicrous dramatic hyperbole "I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic"

OP - whether you know it or not, you are a massive drama queen. Realising you don't look 12 might feel like a seminal moment, but were you quietly melancholy for a couple of hours? No, you were not. You cried in the loos, told your friend, got upset that they weren't sympathetic enough, posted it on a forum and then had a flouncy fit when you were told you were being dramatic. Do you see....?

katepilar · 09/08/2022 13:34

I think the reaction of your friend wasnt very mature, in fact it was nasty.

But even I - very sensitive, cry prone and a lot younger looking person - dont understand why you cried? Are you feeling sad that you dont look ten years younger anymore? I find it kind of difficult sometimes not looking my age I never felt the need to cry because of it. Its ok to cry for any reason whatsoever!

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 13:36

katepilar · 09/08/2022 13:34

I think the reaction of your friend wasnt very mature, in fact it was nasty.

But even I - very sensitive, cry prone and a lot younger looking person - dont understand why you cried? Are you feeling sad that you dont look ten years younger anymore? I find it kind of difficult sometimes not looking my age I never felt the need to cry because of it. Its ok to cry for any reason whatsoever!

Who told you you don't look your age?

Wetblanket78 · 09/08/2022 13:38

I look young for my age. Until the last few years I only got asked for ID if I didn't have my kids with me. Did have someone think I was they're older sister once.

It's not something I like and have been refused drinks when I have been out. Even if had ID on me.

NashvilleQueen · 09/08/2022 13:38

Got to love the school holidays

He's way too old for school...

boyff · 09/08/2022 13:39

Get a grip

boyff · 09/08/2022 13:39

Upset about what ?
Your 28 and look 28 probably or at least over 25....

thefizz · 09/08/2022 13:41

School holiday boredom. Go out and play.

Maireas · 09/08/2022 13:42

Wetblanket78 · 09/08/2022 13:38

I look young for my age. Until the last few years I only got asked for ID if I didn't have my kids with me. Did have someone think I was they're older sister once.

It's not something I like and have been refused drinks when I have been out. Even if had ID on me.

But the ID stuff is not a measure of anything, really. That's why the OP shouldn't get upset.

femfemlicious · 09/08/2022 13:44

Bretonbear · 09/08/2022 11:33

This cannot be real.

My thoughts too. How can a person be this silly?

Testina · 09/08/2022 13:45

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

And that just makes you sound even more childish and stupid and given to attention seeking 🙄

bloodyunicorns · 09/08/2022 13:48

So you're a man? Going out with a man? Really??

And you cried because you weren't IDd at the age of 28?

Good Lord.

femfemlicious · 09/08/2022 13:51

Wheresthebeach · 09/08/2022 12:27

Wait til you get jowls - that'll give you something to cry about!

😂😂🤣🤣😅😅😄😄😃😃😂😂🤣oh my days!

honeylulu · 09/08/2022 13:53

I skipped to the end as I was sure this was a reverse with the partner friend irritated as hell by one who is constantly fishing for compliments akin to Size 8 woman who cries about putting on half a pound and being hideous (to her size 14 mates).

If it is real ... OP seems to have been flirting with the shop assistant and is dismayed by being rebuffed. Expected partner to empathise and to add another layer of drama cried secretly in toilet, then announced secret crying. Now all offended that required sympathy not forthcoming.

FFS.

DeadbeatYoda · 09/08/2022 13:58

Sounds like your friend is getting a bit fed up with your dramatics. Maybe?

waterbotherer · 09/08/2022 13:58

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

Grow up 🙄

venus7 · 09/08/2022 14:01

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:21

I don't think I've explained it very well in the OP - I didn't cause a scene at the shop, I didn't react until I got home in private and privately was a bit upset by it. So I don't see how that is trying to seek attention because it wasn't in front of anyone.

It wasn't, but everything subsequently has been.
'Crying to myself' makes it sound like a performance.....speaking to, singing to, waving to....we cry, we don't cry TO anyone. Even ourselves.

emmathedilemma · 09/08/2022 14:07

It sounds like it's not just your appearance that's immature.

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 14:07

@bloodyunicorns
So you're a man? Going out with a man? Really??

Yes, really. I don't know where it is on the planet you reside, but in the UK in 2022, this isn't really controversial.

To everyone else: I was absolutely NOT flirting with the (ugly, IMO) shop worker, so was not "hurt" or "angry" by him "turning me down" (as there wasn't anything to turn down.) Clearly most people are not recognising where I am coming from, so I'll just take that I'm BU and will not go out in public again and bother people by living my life.

OP posts:
xJoyfulCalmWisdomx · 09/08/2022 14:07

If this is real, you must have a fragile sense of yourself @Keyansier
I hope you can consolidate yourself and not get upset by what strangers may or may not think of you. Your friend was put in the position of having to say ''omg no! you don't look a day over 18 he should have ID'd you'' which would have been pandering to your NEED (?) to believe you do not look your age. Why should your friend prop up your belief that you look like a teenager. If you do, you do, if you don't you don't. But gettting upset that you weren't ID'd when you're 28 and getting upset that your friend didn't get why this was so obviously upsetting for you is not reasonable. When you see all of this written down do you still feel it's reasonable to be so upset?

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 14:08

FYI I didn't cry or have a meltdown, I had a little quiet few-tears cry to myself that lasted ten seconds, if that, in complete privacy, not a sob-fest like people are making it out to be.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread