Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

[Keyansier]

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

When you’ve been ID’d in the past has it typically been by cashiers who are older than you? I think that sometimes when people look young for their age they will look a lot younger to people older than them, but then won’t pass as young to people of younger generations. I find I am awful of guessing how old people are, apart from people who are of a similar age to myself. I can usually tell when someone’s age is just a few years either side of mine, but then once the age gap between me and them gets bigger I find it much harder to gauge whether they are for example 10 or 15 years older/ younger. You might look young to a person in their 40s/ 50s but they’re not familiar enough with the slight generational differences between a person who is 16, 18, 24 or 28 to accurately gauge you age and so they ask for ID to be on the safe side. To somebody who is 20 it is probably much easier to gauge when somebody is obviously several years older than 18.

If the cashier was only in his late teens or very early 20s himself he probably recognised that you were not the same age as him, not necessarily just from the way your face looks but things like dress sense and mannerisms even can give away which generation somebody belongs to. If the cashier was 18/19/20/21 he could probably recognise that you were older than him and that therefore you didn’t need to be ID’d, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you look old or that he meant it as a put down, it just meant he could tell you are not the same age as him - and considering you are 28 it’s not really unreasonable of him to think you didn’t need to be ID’d as clearly you didn’t!

Telling the friend was the attention-seeking part. Asking, even jokingly, if they weren't going to ID you for the wine was self-sabotage Now you know that maybe you're starting to show your age, like the rest of us mere mortals. It's not that bad to look like an adult, and the only alternative is death.

You're 28? What is the point in people this infantile? I can't stand these affectations in certain circles. Also, is this the place to post this?

The over sensitive drama queen thing is cute when you're 17
No. Not even.

This is the one thread I honestly hope gets picked up by the press.

During plague I asked someone for id because I couldn't see their face clearly and they chucked a wobbly and removed their mask at which point I said don't worry about the id and they went into an apoplectic rage that I didn't need to id them after seeing their face.

Reminder that this was a troll thread and the OP has given up.

But you still told people for attention. How embarrassing. Are you sure you're 28 and not 5?

If you cry over not being ID'd then your life is going to be very miserable.

This has to be the most pathetic post I have ever read. For goodness sake GROW UP !!

The seeking attention was because you told your friend how upset you was

I’m turning 37 in just over a month, I still get ID’ed for alcohol every bloody time,
even for rice wine vinegar a few weeks ago.

even with I have my 15yr old with me.

I do see it as a compliment, I don’t cry if I don’t get IDed,
you are just very dramatic op, and you need to calm down and not get yourself so worked up about things.

I absolutely look young for my age. I’m 28 too! Although when I see actual 20-21 year olds I think they look like children 😂 I mostly go to the same local supermarket so often don’t get ID’d but I would say the amount I am getting ID’d in general is decreasing. Helpful as I keep my ID in my phone case and I don’t want to keep getting it out!
Don’t worry, YABU but it’s not the end of the world. It can be hard getting older and looking older, and you just had a random reaction to it. I really like the 0.2% retinol from the ordinary if you feel like doing something about it 😂

And off he flounced!

🍪

What on earth were you crying about?

I've always looked young for my age and was getting ID'd well into my 30s. Anyone I knew in the same bit considered it a massive ballache - not the ID part, but the patronising, condescending crap that came with being mistaken for/treated like a teenager as an adult working in an adult role. Maybe it's a female thing - the double whammy of being mansplained and childsplained.

Can't imagine anyone seriously crying at the age of 28 because a shop assistant didn't think they were under 25.

This will deffo go on Mumsnet Madness and fairplay

It wasn’t in private though, ultimately, because you told your friend all about it. Don’t you think their blunt response might be quite telling?
Welcome to the real world where you don’t get ID’d at 28.

Christ knows what you were expecting posting this nonsense, but even though this place is called mumsnet we are not your mums. When grown men cry cause their feelings have been hurt, we really don't care.

If you weren't attention seeking you wouldn't have mentioned it.
Haven't rtft yet so this has probably already been said multiple times.

Were you upset at a man thinking that you are 28 (your age)
or at actually being 28?

28 isn't a bad age to be or to look... unless your DBH prefers teen lovers.

I'm 44 and got asked for ID (happens a lot) by the young guy on the till the other day when buying wine for a friends dinner party ( I don't drink myself, very aging). Its easy to look young when you are 28 because you are young and especially if you are asked by someone a lot older than you because if you are 50 nearly everyone under 30 looks so young to you.

I think its silly to get upset about the ID thing its not important, I've had a good run but it can't go on forever. I would think that if your friend said that you must be acting out at other times and its a pattern they have picked up on.

You must have had the most blessed life in existence to think not being IDed at 28 is worth crying over.

OP you are being ridiculous.can’t see a problem. Now pick yourself up and move on nothing to see here .

Why did you post if you already decided you were not being unreasonable?