Page 7 | To ask, was it rape?

ivneverspokeaboutthisbefore · 2022-08-09T09:08:26+00:00

Iv never spoken about this other than to my now husband who talked me into telling my mum for the protection of my younger siblings. When I was 14 a family friend was doing work on our house, he watched me grow up and was in his late 20's at the time. I didn't have the best upbringing and was already sexually active and had an older boyfriend (we wasn't together at the time) I ended up doing sexual things with this man that I consented to, my husband say's it was rape as I was under 16 and therefore couldn't make that decision, the thing is I text this man for years in my teens and not only that but from what iv heard he had a thing for my older sisters to! I'd never be able to come out in the open with this but the reason I'm asking is because my dad still speaks to this man, but if I told my dad he would probably end up getting arrested! I dont know what to do.

cheekychatta · 09/08/2022 12:59

ivneverspokeaboutthisbefore · 09/08/2022 10:22

@Festoonlights I would never come out with it he was married at the time and has 2 teen daughters now, not to mention his family are toxic and would make my life a living hell!

He will just deny it . But take some comfort in knowing that you can report it and you will be believed . You have the power now not him . Also tell him this if he ever mentions what happened the past to you

Dotjones · 09/08/2022 12:59

Generally if it's rape you know it. If you're unsure, it's probably not rape. It's creepy that he was so much older than you but then it's "only" an age difference of 15 years or whatever - a lot of couples have a bigger age gap than that and it's treated as being normal or near-normal (I know a 60 year old married to a 30 year old for instance - it's weird in a way, but perfectly acceptable to them).

girlmom21 · 09/08/2022 13:01

Dotjones · 09/08/2022 12:59

Generally if it's rape you know it. If you're unsure, it's probably not rape. It's creepy that he was so much older than you but then it's "only" an age difference of 15 years or whatever - a lot of couples have a bigger age gap than that and it's treated as being normal or near-normal (I know a 60 year old married to a 30 year old for instance - it's weird in a way, but perfectly acceptable to them).

It's creepy because she was a child. Not because she was 15 years younger.

Blue4YOU · 09/08/2022 13:06

@Phos
WTF??? All the #metoo media storms? Did it affect her… did she not say what her concerns and life is and was like?

Blue4YOU · 09/08/2022 13:10

@Dotjones
if it were that obvious to know what is rape you wouldn’t be making such stupid remarks.
The age gap point is not the issue.
Anyone under 16 who has sex with someone over 18 REGARDLESS of “consent” - if person who is over 18 does not believe them to be over 16 has acted against the law.
In a world where people aren’t sure if women can sexually assault men and whether consent is the only relevant consideration for sexual offences to be identified you should perhaps have a quick look at the Sexual Offences Act - if you are referring to Uk law

CornishTiger · 09/08/2022 13:13

Some of these comments are awful. The media storm one and if it was rape you’d know it.

FYI no you don’t always know it and the media storms just hurt like hell.

whumpthereitis · 09/08/2022 13:19

I don’t think most people are defending this man, he did something very wrong and it’s no wonder that what happened plays on your mind. It was a predatory action and it’s indefensible.

Not incorrectly calling him a paedophile (which is clearly defined) isn’t defending him. Nor is saying that it likely wouldn’t legally be considered rape, based on what you have said. Him not being a pardophile doesn’t make him any less of a repellent human being.

Namechangehereandnow · 09/08/2022 13:22

I’m pleased @FinneusMum has been shown the door …

Original poster

ivneverspokeaboutthisbefore · 09/08/2022 13:22

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/08/2022 12:47

OP: Regardless of the murky legalities, this situation was wrong. All the people insisting that you were capable of consent would never accept this sort of relationship between a man and their own children.

The more pressing issue here is the protection of your siblings.

Your parents can at least claim ignorance of what was going on and therefore were not complicit. You however, have learned to your cost that this man should not be around children. If your own siblings suffer the same treatment, you are complicit.

You have a moral obligation to tell your parents. They are surely not so useless that they cannot be discreet about this to avoid a massive fall-out?

My mum knows now and has blocked all contact I told her years ago so he won't be getting near my younger siblings! Its just my dad I did not tell as I was worried about the out come on this man.

OP posts:

Marvellousmadness · 09/08/2022 13:25

You consented
So no.
No rape!!
But the guy was probably breaking leal laws. Not to mention moral ones 🤔

Qik · 09/08/2022 13:30

Whatever the definition, the OP is describing sexual assault which is illegal.

Otherwise, what was all that about with Prince Andrew?

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/08/2022 13:32

Thanks for letting me know, OP. I can see your mum will look out for your siblings. I'd leave it to her to decide whether to tell your dad, as she will be able to gauge his reaction.

LooseGoose22 · 09/08/2022 13:39

You consented, and were only 14, the offence was of unlawful Sexual intercourse. These offences were seldom prosecuted and generally dealt with by the police by a good talking to.

I believe Ian Huntley had a few of those good talkings to.

LooseGoose22 · 09/08/2022 13:41

And personally i think the age of consent is too low.

It should be raised and_or a law that takes into account the relative ages if the parties until both are over 18.

LooseGoose22 · 09/08/2022 13:44

Blue4YOU · 09/08/2022 13:10

@Dotjones
if it were that obvious to know what is rape you wouldn’t be making such stupid remarks.
The age gap point is not the issue.
Anyone under 16 who has sex with someone over 18 REGARDLESS of “consent” - if person who is over 18 does not believe them to be over 16 has acted against the law.
In a world where people aren’t sure if women can sexually assault men and whether consent is the only relevant consideration for sexual offences to be identified you should perhaps have a quick look at the Sexual Offences Act - if you are referring to Uk law

I see it is like that then.

I was puzzled nybthe posts it, given I'd previously thought the age of consent was 16.

Namechangehereandnow · 09/08/2022 13:44

Dotjones · 09/08/2022 12:59

Generally if it's rape you know it. If you're unsure, it's probably not rape. It's creepy that he was so much older than you but then it's "only" an age difference of 15 years or whatever - a lot of couples have a bigger age gap than that and it's treated as being normal or near-normal (I know a 60 year old married to a 30 year old for instance - it's weird in a way, but perfectly acceptable to them).

Honestly 🙄🙄🙄 stop spouting idiotic nonsense! Ffs

Naunet · 09/08/2022 13:46

Dotjones · 09/08/2022 12:59

Generally if it's rape you know it. If you're unsure, it's probably not rape. It's creepy that he was so much older than you but then it's "only" an age difference of 15 years or whatever - a lot of couples have a bigger age gap than that and it's treated as being normal or near-normal (I know a 60 year old married to a 30 year old for instance - it's weird in a way, but perfectly acceptable to them).

No wonder child abuse is so prevalent with attitudes like this. Police turning a blind eye to groom gangs just reflects ignorant public opinions.

Phos · 09/08/2022 13:47

Blue4YOU · 09/08/2022 13:06

@Phos
WTF??? All the #metoo media storms? Did it affect her… did she not say what her concerns and life is and was like?

Its a long thread. Missed some of her subsequent comments.

LooseGoose22 · 09/08/2022 13:49

Dotjones · 09/08/2022 12:59

Generally if it's rape you know it. If you're unsure, it's probably not rape. It's creepy that he was so much older than you but then it's "only" an age difference of 15 years or whatever - a lot of couples have a bigger age gap than that and it's treated as being normal or near-normal (I know a 60 year old married to a 30 year old for instance - it's weird in a way, but perfectly acceptable to them).

It's quite spectacular how you've managed not just one but two ridiculous comments in one post.

First off, lots of rape victims are unsure if was rape, possibly the majority.

Secondly pretty muchveveryine within brain see a 15 yr age gap between sexual "partners" of eg 35 and 50 differently from eg 14 and 26.
14 is a school child who can't vote etc.

Not sure why you need that explained.

LooseGoose22 · 09/08/2022 13:54

Naunet · 09/08/2022 13:46

No wonder child abuse is so prevalent with attitudes like this. Police turning a blind eye to groom gangs just reflects ignorant public opinions.

Show quote history

Sure they're all little attention seeking sluts who know what they're doing. It's not the menz faults.

excellentday · 09/08/2022 13:57

Dotjones · 09/08/2022 12:59

Generally if it's rape you know it. If you're unsure, it's probably not rape. It's creepy that he was so much older than you but then it's "only" an age difference of 15 years or whatever - a lot of couples have a bigger age gap than that and it's treated as being normal or near-normal (I know a 60 year old married to a 30 year old for instance - it's weird in a way, but perfectly acceptable to them).

Jesus christ. Its not about the age gap. Do you seriouly need that explaining? Theres a big huge massive difference between a 30 year old woman and a 14 year old child.

By your logic then, its ok is it for a 25 year old to have a relationship with a 10 year old. I mean, its only a 15 year age gap. I despair, I really do.

Naunet · 09/08/2022 13:59

LooseGoose22 · 09/08/2022 13:54

Sure they're all little attention seeking sluts who know what they're doing. It's not the menz faults.

Show quote history

I know! Leading the poor menz astray, how could we ever expect them to control their dicks and not put their desires first? 🥺

Blue4YOU · 09/08/2022 14:01

This thread is making me think education needs to focus on sexual offences as much as as any other part of sex education

Herejustforthisone · 09/08/2022 14:06

Has @FinneusMum been banned? They’ve been posting absolute shite all over threads for ages and always seemed to go for OPs, whatever the situation.

girlmom21 · 09/08/2022 14:09

Herejustforthisone · 09/08/2022 14:06

Has @FinneusMum been banned? They’ve been posting absolute shite all over threads for ages and always seemed to go for OPs, whatever the situation.

I'd guess so - they're gone from every thread