To ask, was it rape?

[ivneverspokeaboutthisbefore]

Iv never spoken about this other than to my now husband who talked me into telling my mum for the protection of my younger siblings.

When I was 14 a family friend was doing work on our house, he watched me grow up and was in his late 20's at the time.

I didn't have the best upbringing and was already sexually active and had an older boyfriend (we wasn't together at the time)

I ended up doing sexual things with this man that I consented to, my husband say's it was rape as I was under 16 and therefore couldn't make that decision, the thing is I text this man for years in my teens and not only that but from what iv heard he had a thing for my older sisters to!

I'd never be able to come out in the open with this but the reason I'm asking is because my dad still speaks to this man, but if I told my dad he would probably end up getting arrested! I dont know what to do.

“Why do you think he is a danger to children now?”

Wtf? Because men like this leave a trail of damage behind them. They don’t grow out of being abusers or predators. He was a danger to the OP and her sisters and to any young girls he can control.

I know this is a really silly question, but I am serious, how is it statutory rape if both parties are underage, I really dont understand?_

LEGALLY - IT IS NEITHER RAPE NOR STATUTORY RAPE

See my posts above. This is what I do for a living.

This place is dangerous sometimes.

Thank you everyone

At the time I didn't feel anything around the situation other than disgusted with myself as he was married with children.

When I told my now husband about the WHOLE situation which I have not done here as it would be pages long obviously.

I did realise that the man did in some form groom me, one of the things we used to talk about was how his wife didn't love him, was lazy and did nothing whilst he worked hard providing for their children and was never intimate with him EVER, I felt sorry for him I truly did. 2-3 months after this happened with me his wife was pregnant.

Thank you

He wasn't an abuser or a predator based on what the OP has put on her post

HE KNEW HER FROM THE AGE OF 4. WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER HE BEGAN A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. HE WAS AN ADULT MAN. How is he not a predator?

She's said she was vulnerable and wasn't well protected. This man took advantage. No adult man who's not a predator has sex with a teenager.

Weren't you claiming to be a psychologist yesterday?

To be clear. The label doesn't change your status as the victim in this. He is still a criminal.

"Why do you think he is a danger to children now"

Because I'm the age now he was then, with my own children and would never in my life go near an older teenager let alone a 14 year old! The thought of it makes me feel sick.

He has known me since I was born.

Absolutely yes.
You were a child.

Well which ever way you frame it, guys a pedophile. Normal men in their late twenties don't want to fuck a 14 year old.

This is what my husband said, he also said he would rather be skinned alive than go near a 14 year old girl!

He wasn't an abuser or a predator

What????? He was a much older married man. He groomed OP from an early age, had sex with her when she was a troubled 14-year-old, and seems to have been hanging around her siblings too. No way should he be allowed near children.

Why or why is the myth of Statutory Rape trotted out time and time gain on this site? You consented, and were only 14, the offence was of unlawful Sexual intercourse. These offences were seldom prosecuted and generally dealt with by the police by a good talking to. Sexual intercourse with a girl under 13 is a far more serious offence.

He is definitely a predator.

I think some posters missed part of the op, as I did initially. He was late twenties, not 20. He knew op since childhood. There's no room for benefit of the doubt here, he's a creep.

Even 20 and 14 is weird but I wouldn't assume that person is necessarily still a threat. But in this case- yes, 100%. Nearly 30 and doing sexual acts with a 14yo is not remotely excusable.

Op 'consented' but we don't know what would've happened if she didn't. Likely forced on coerced if she didn't want to.

This

@FinneusMum I was 14 when this happened because he was doing work on our house, I started talking to him online at 12.

@FinneusMum you're a human behavioural psychologist who thinks this man's behaviour was appropriate or acceptable or ok?

You don't need anything more than basic common sense to know it's not, but your education should help you to understand that even if common sense didn't.

Op the legal reference is only relevant if you feel you were violated and/or if he is a danger to children/teenagers.

Only you can know if you felt capable of giving consent or not at the time - and then how to proceed. I have a similar experience and I didn’t feel like a victim of anything, I felt empowered by the experience. Even though I was legally below the age of consent and it was a criminal act. Many girls were sexually active in my youth, with many very dubious experiences. The laws are being tightened up. No one cared in my day. The prosecution rates of rape are appalling atm.

@FinneusMum

'A paedophile is an adult with sexual attraction to children, a child being a person aged under 16 years'. What about that isn't a paedophile?
These people don't usually grow out of their tendencies!!