To go abroad without DD?

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DH has a big birthday next month. I booked us a surprise trip abroad (we are UK based, its in Europe) and asked in-laws to have 18-month old DD for 2 nights while we are away. All seemed like a great idea.

We are due to go next month and as the trip approaches i am feeling really bad about leaving DD. In laws are great and she knows and likes them. However we have left her twice recently where it hasn't gone so well and it's niggling me about leaving her again. The first, we left her from about 2pm to 11pm, she was well when we left but within a few hours she'd suddenly become ill and MIL ended up in A&E with her. She was discharged that night after a steroid but it was rattling. The second time we left her overnight with DM. She had a great time, loves DM and was fine when we collected her but as the day went on she seemed out of sorts, fussing quite a lot, cried at bedtime (unusual). Because of those two things, particularly the second where she wasn't herself, I'm worried that leaving her for 2 nights is the wrong thing to do and that maybe she's at an age where it's affecting her emotionally to not know where we are/she misses us.

I've wondered about taking her on the trip, as she's only 18 months i assume i could ring the airline and get her added to my seat. The problem is it's not a toddler-friendly trip. Quite a lot of travel - 1hr30 drive to airport, 2 hr flight, then 2 hr drive, one full day in the country and then travelling home again. Also, the full day we are attending a sporting event and it wont be fun for her. Prefer not to say exactly what but imagine something like a tennis tournament, so there's something going on all day long (not like 90 minute football match type thing). There are some stands but we'll be spectating from viewing points with TV screens and get glimpses of the courts here and there. It will be hot and crowded and is really not something a toddler would enjoy.

So my AIBU I suppose is: given the last couple of times we've left her where it hasn't gone really well, are we being selfish to leave her again? Or would it be selfish to take her on a trip she will not enjoy when she could be having 2 nights with her doting grandparents? I'm really torn.

Cancelling isn't an option. It was a lot of money and was meant to be a big exciting treat for DH (and hopefully on some level still will be)! DH knows about the trip now and thinks we should go without DD. He isn't worried about leaving her but does agree she was a bit upset after we collected her from DM. This is so long thank you for anyone who got to the end! Trying not to drip feed i've included so much info!

Luckily most parents aren't like you and realise that an 18MO won't spontaneously combust if left with a loving relative for a couple of nights.

Ignore this. In the run up make sure she gets lots of time with gp. But ultimately it's a couple of days and she will be fine it's only a couple of days. She will get use to spending time with family and she won't be affected long term or even short term. She will likely enjoy a lot of it.

@SleeplessInEngland luck to for who? Most mothers wouldn't leave a newborn who wouldn't know they'd been left. Why leave an 18 month old who will?

Motherhood is not about pandering to your own selfish wants.

Just go on your trip OP as planned. Your DD will be safe and well cared for and she would be miserable (and I suspect, ruin) your expensive and much-anticipated trip. The A&E visit the first time you went away was very unlucky, but your MIL did exactly the right thing, so please take a deep breath and go and enjoy yourselves.

I've noticed on MN that the first comment on any thread is often the one that goes against the grain or is deleted altogether and this is no exception. She'll be fine. Enjoy your time away.

She won’t combust but get ready to pay a price when you get back. I went to a conference in Europe, away two night, when DS was 18 months old. He was at home with DH. Fine for most of it but as the weekend went on DH said that he was increasingly clingy. By the Sunday night he wouldn’t go to sleep. I got back at 10pm to find him still up , tearful and clinging to DH. He grabbed me as soon as I walked through the door and for weeks afterward we had a sleep problem . He must have thought I’d gone for good and was scared that DH would go too.

Six months later I went away again , so it didn’t put me off a repeat, but this time we prepared him better and it was ok.

Rubbish
It would be selfish to take her and there’s no need to cancel if she is with sensible abd loving GPs
just go and enjoy it

I think you should go without her. Taking her sounds like a nightmare given the planned activities!

I wouldn't personally DH and I both go abroad yet and our youngest is 9.

We've been independently for other trips with work/friends.

But I'd worry about travel delays etc etc and not being able to get back to them.

If your concern is just about illness, I would go. Your mil has proved herself very capable. Your dd also by the sound of it has a good relationship with her and your mil could love and care for your dd properly if necessary. If it’s because you’ve decided your dd is too little or you don’t want to be apart from her and especially a plane ride away, that’s different.

I wouldn’t have left dd at this age as I didn’t have anyone to cope with her, apart from dh, who had her for a couple of nights alone.

Honestly the people saying don’t leave her aren’t serious, they are wind up merchants. No one seriously thinks that leaving an 18 month old with doting grandparents for 2 nights is selfish. She will be fine. Have a good time.

Absolutely go! She’ll be fine and she’s with people who love and care for her.

I left my toddler with my mum while I went away and enjoyed my 30th birthday with my partner.
he was fine, I just brought his back a couple of presents and made a fuss of him when we got home.
He was fine, my mum stayed the night we got home so it wasn’t like we are back now she’s gone type of thing.
Hes now nearly 3 and we all went on holiday last week and decided we would sleep with her in her room most nights!
Take the opportunity!

Yes I assume it's someone who spends all their time on Mumsnet judging others by their high standards

1st time.. she would likely have been ill even if you had been there.

2nd time... tiredness.

Go. Enjoy. She will be tired when you get home.

It's 2 nights. Some people are acting like you're leaving her for a month! Have a great time

Haven’t voted because I don’t understand which way round the AIBU is. But you should go and leave her with your in-laws. The illness when she was with mil was just unlucky and mil dealt with it correctly. The fussing when she came back from your mum’s is a normal response to a change in environment.
It’s not affecting her emotionally for more than a moment. She’s with familiar people in a familiar place. And it’s only 2 nights.
Sometimes people have no choice but to leave their child with GPs or others for a while - illness etc - and the children are absolutely fine!
Have a great time and try no to worry.

Yes, two. I would never dump them just to go frolicking abroad.

Absolutely!

She will be absolutely fine

Has to be a wind up

Oh heck just go and enjoy yourself. No checking your phone every 5 minutes neither! Granny has it covered!