Am I normal- Never had sex

[Glitterdiamonds]

this isn’t a troll post (although I know that’s exactly what a troll would say) but MN can verify im a regular poster but I’ve just changed my username.

im worried that there’s something wrong with me, or that im really ugly or weird or something.

im still a virgin and im 24 and a half years old. All my friends my age have had sex and im the only one who hasn’t.

ive had boyfriends but the relationships were very short term so whilst I’ve obviously kissed and been intimate with a guy before, I’ve never actually had sex. I’ve got lots of guy friends and I get on really well with them. I’m definitely not asexual because I do feel attracted to guys and I’ve got nothing against having sex, it just feels like the opportunity has never really happened (I guess covid hasn’t helped either but that’s only the last 2 years). But it’s happened for everyone else so it must be me that’s the problem

lifestyle-wise I’m like most of my friends. I get acrylics, lashes, fake tan, go to the gym (I’m not saying that’s the only way to have sex obviously I just mean I’m exactly the same as my friends and they’ve all had sex and I haven’t.)

the only thing I can really think of is that growing up, I was a bit too obsessed with having a successful life as an adult- I had a really shit childhood and had this picture in my mind of what I wanted my future to be like and I was determined nothing would get in my way. I wanted to have a really successful career in a city where I can wear louboutins everyday, a big house, and to basically have my shit together! I remember telling myself when I was a teen that I should study and work until im making a 6 figure salary so I have a successful life before I think about getting dragged down by a boyfriend! This attitude carried on until I was early 20s and by then all my friends had had sex and i was left behind. I was popular and went to parties and was the same as everyone else, I just didn’t want any to have casual sex (I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with casual sex, it just isnt what I want) and I guess I see sex=tied down with a relationship and I don’t want that.

Obviously this attitude changed softened as I got older and I did have some boyfriends, but the relationships ended before we got serious enough to have sex. I think I got scared that if the relationship got serious they would be a distraction or something, I dunno, so we broke up and I never had sex. Repeat that situation a few times and then covid hit and I’ve been single ever since.

i studied really hard in and after school and am starting my dream job- but all my friends did the same AND had boyfriends and are not virgins at 24 years old!

im so scared there’s something wrong with me, or that I’m a massive freak or even uglier than I already think I am. I don’t want to be a virgin at 50 but it’s looking like that’s going to be me😥I’m so scared of sex now as well- nobody will expect me to be a virgin at this age so I won’t know what to do and it’s going to be awful. I honestly think I’ll freeze and completely panic.

i dont know why I’m posting this, I’m just having a bit of an identify crisis at the moment and feel like such a freak compared to my friends.

Who says it's fear?

There's nothing wrong with waiting until you're in an actual relationship, and for some that doesn't happen until they're into their 20s. The pressure to get it over with as a teenager is far more damaging.

There is nothing wrong with you OP. I was 31 when I had sex for the first time. I wasn’t waiting for marriage but I did want a meaningful relationship. As it happened my first is my only as he asked me to marry him around 14 months after we met.

Everyone is different and that means there is no right or wrong time. You’ll know when it feels right for you.

Honestly I was a virgin at 21 and my boyfriend (now DH) didn't care. I expect whoever has sex with you eventually wouldn't care. And yes with Covid you lost 2 years of dating opportunities so I think being a virgin at 24 today is the equivalent of being a virgin at 21/22 pre covid. I have never had sex with anyone but my DH and I am sure that is unusual but who cares.

OP herself said it. She writes in her opening post that she had a rough childhood, that she's scared of sex, and that she has repeatedly broken off relationships when they get intimate. And she's not a teenager.

There's nothing wrong with her, but it's not helpful to brush it off as normal and fine because if she has a fear of intimacy she would benefit from help in overcoming that.

Maybe you need to go and read about distributions
The average height of a woman in the UK is 5'3". My DD is 5'7". Does that make her not normal? Of course it doesn't.

If op lived in Malaysia, she'd be average. Are you saying Malaysians are "not normal"?

www.thesun.co.uk/news/1861997/brazilians-do-it-youngest-and-brits-at-18-according-to-world-map-showing-average-age-people-lose-their-virginity/

I have no idea what percentage of people are still virgins at 24 but I bet its not uncommon.

op you've waited this long so I'd keep waiting til you find the person who makes you want them. But maybe step up the dating a bit and get to know some people.

I also think therapy might be a good idea in case you are subconsciously self-sabotaging relationships

Gosh, the Internet knows everything
www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/millennials-lose-virginities-later-age-26-a8340156.html%3famp

Research suggests one in eight are still virgins at 26.

So OP is not unusual at all.

Virginity is a misogynistic concept invented to pressurise women and make them feel 'abnormal' if they haven't had sex! I haven't been to Brazil , tried jellied eels or seen Star Wars but there's no 'title' for that. Try to stop thinking of it as a big millstone round your neck and practice some fun by yourself so you know what you like. Go on a few dates but no pressure. Good luck !

Any man who loves and respects you OP will never judge you for not having had sex before.

I shouldn't worry just yet, OP. My situation might give you some perspective. I'm more than twice your age (male) and I still haven't done the deed. I'm sure that is unusual and I can't accurately explain. I'm either exceptionally unlucky or unpopular or maybe I just don't want it badly enough. Who knows ? But at 24, you're doing fine. You are.

Yes it's unusual. 1 in 8 means that 70 out of 80 would have had sex.

But does that matter?

Perhaps stop worrying about fake tan, nails, eyelashes and Loboutins & concentrate on finding out who you really are inside & what type of relationship you are looking for?

Join some activities, meet some likeminded people & you will find the right person for you op.

They won't care that you haven't had sex.

What's having sex or not got do with being normal. I personally don't agree with the advice of "go to a bar and pick someone up". Unless you want to of course. The it's our body argument works both ways (shagging 100 men a week to being a virgin)
However some may say if you've waited until now you're first time, it may as well be with someone you connect with. Also Please dont use the words freak and ugly about yourself.

I was 18 when I lost my virginity, I was drunk and it was with a friend. I didnt even fancy him I just wanted to get it out the way tbh. In hindsight it was silly (i got together with my now husband ahes 20, and i think if i had still been a virgin it wouldnt have made any difference, i wasnt exactly experienced!). If you want to wait for the right boyfriend there is nothing wrong with that, he might even like that you're a virgin. It's your body so don't do anything you're uncomfortable with!

I get it op. I lost mine at 21 which was a lot later than others I knew. I, like you, was holding out for a proper relationship, and it just didn’t happen. In the end I lost it a random night, in a really random way and was pleased I did.

One of my closest friends didn’t lose hers until early-mid 30s.

So I actually started therapy at 25, and met my exDP soon after and had my first relationship. We were together for a couple years and had a beautiful baby together :)

The relationship did end and I'm not currently in one but would like to meet someone.

I think OP's story resonated with me because it sounded very similar to my experience, and it was frustrating to be told it was all fine - which I always was when I talked to people about it - when I just had a feeling that something was off.

I had known before that I had a bad childhood etc but I hadn't really thought about how much I had absorbed the idea that relationships are dangerous, and something to escape from, rather than something positive.

OP's experience is of course her own and like I said there's nothing at all wrong with her, but I hope if she does feel that it's more of a hangup than a choice that she can feel like it's ok to get help with it.

@FinneusMum people disagreeing with you doesn't make them stupid.

My overriding concern is that your insistence on proving the definition of "normal" is just resulting in a string of posts from you telling the op that she isn't.

Given the context of thread and in the interest of the op, maybe let your point rest now.

Awww there is definitely nothing wrong with you . You have standards ! And you prioritised the things that matter the most to you and that’s fantastic. I know plenty of attractive people who waited to have sex and I know plenty of unattractive people who didn’t . When you meet the right guy , he won’t mind in the slightest that you lack experience ( if he even notices). 24 is very young and I wouldn’t say it’s unusual at all that you are still a virgin ! Go on tiktok and search virgins and I have no doubt you’ll find your people 😊

Seems one poster is on a vendetta to make OP feel shit about herself. I cannot understand that mindset.

Maybe therapy would be beneficial to deal with past trauma, but making out like anyone who is a virgin past their teens is some kind of abnormal creature is frankly bizarre.

Lots of happy, well adjusted women lost their virginity well into their 20s, because they wanted it to happen in a relationship with someone they trusted. Why on earth does that seem to bother some posters so much?

Would you describe someone who plays an instrument as unusual? Or someone who drives a Nissan as unusual? Or someone who shops at Sainsbury's as unusual?

I don't use tiktok but maybe make sure safe search is on first? 😆

@theveg

Why ever not

sex can be fun and meaningless though