Am I normal- Never had sex

[Glitterdiamonds]

this isn’t a troll post (although I know that’s exactly what a troll would say) but MN can verify im a regular poster but I’ve just changed my username.

im worried that there’s something wrong with me, or that im really ugly or weird or something.

im still a virgin and im 24 and a half years old. All my friends my age have had sex and im the only one who hasn’t.

ive had boyfriends but the relationships were very short term so whilst I’ve obviously kissed and been intimate with a guy before, I’ve never actually had sex. I’ve got lots of guy friends and I get on really well with them. I’m definitely not asexual because I do feel attracted to guys and I’ve got nothing against having sex, it just feels like the opportunity has never really happened (I guess covid hasn’t helped either but that’s only the last 2 years). But it’s happened for everyone else so it must be me that’s the problem

lifestyle-wise I’m like most of my friends. I get acrylics, lashes, fake tan, go to the gym (I’m not saying that’s the only way to have sex obviously I just mean I’m exactly the same as my friends and they’ve all had sex and I haven’t.)

the only thing I can really think of is that growing up, I was a bit too obsessed with having a successful life as an adult- I had a really shit childhood and had this picture in my mind of what I wanted my future to be like and I was determined nothing would get in my way. I wanted to have a really successful career in a city where I can wear louboutins everyday, a big house, and to basically have my shit together! I remember telling myself when I was a teen that I should study and work until im making a 6 figure salary so I have a successful life before I think about getting dragged down by a boyfriend! This attitude carried on until I was early 20s and by then all my friends had had sex and i was left behind. I was popular and went to parties and was the same as everyone else, I just didn’t want any to have casual sex (I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with casual sex, it just isnt what I want) and I guess I see sex=tied down with a relationship and I don’t want that.

Obviously this attitude changed softened as I got older and I did have some boyfriends, but the relationships ended before we got serious enough to have sex. I think I got scared that if the relationship got serious they would be a distraction or something, I dunno, so we broke up and I never had sex. Repeat that situation a few times and then covid hit and I’ve been single ever since.

i studied really hard in and after school and am starting my dream job- but all my friends did the same AND had boyfriends and are not virgins at 24 years old!

im so scared there’s something wrong with me, or that I’m a massive freak or even uglier than I already think I am. I don’t want to be a virgin at 50 but it’s looking like that’s going to be me😥I’m so scared of sex now as well- nobody will expect me to be a virgin at this age so I won’t know what to do and it’s going to be awful. I honestly think I’ll freeze and completely panic.

i dont know why I’m posting this, I’m just having a bit of an identify crisis at the moment and feel like such a freak compared to my friends.

I waited for someone I truly loved before I had sex and there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. He’d waited too so it was perfectly awkward and we’ve learned some moves since then, together. ;) There are many people who wait for someone special Op, and like others have pointed out, for religious reasons only. You should not feel like a freak. It will happen when the time is right, with the right man, who won’t have a problem showing you what he enjoys. It will be fine and one day you will look back at this and say you’re happy you waited for someone special.

MORE importantly, well done on your achievements!

You're fine, love. I was 23 nearly 24 when I lost mine to the love of my life and father of my children who was 21!

One day you will find the right person who won't care that you're a virgin, but who cares about you and making your experience a pleasant one.

So you had a dream and you worked hard for it and are about to start your dream job. Just that alone is achieving/doing more than many 24 year olds. Well done to you!

Honestly you are still young, there is still time. Try not to focus on finding the one and only, sometimes it's good to know what you like and to be able to compare - I'm not saying have sex with lots of random people but I think there can be alot of pressure in finding your lifetime partner.

I wish you all the best I really believe within a couple of years you'll look at this post and think what was I worried about. You'll hopefully meet new people in your new job that will broaden your friendship circle too and maybe something more.

I don’t think your a freak at all.Everyone is different and while people may not publicise it there will be people in your situation all over for differing reasons.

Now you’ve found your dream job maybe if you want to, think about dating and taking that side more seriously. Have fun meet people and see what happens.

Don’t go out get drunk and pull to get it out the way it will probably be very crap and that’s terrible advice.

Just because you had shit sex doesn't mean everyone does

Everyone's first time is shit

Omg please do not worry, you’ve just had other things. Plus two years have been covid anyway so that’s that. My friend was the same, she found someone at 27 so just concentrate on you💕 And please don’t just sleep with a random that’s ridiculous xxx

Op I would suggest seeing a therapist to talk it though.

Having achieved such a pertinent to goal can lead to feeling a bit lost. You have also manifested a fear of sex due to the pressures you have put yourself under.

there is nothing wrong with you but having someone to help verbalise thoughts and talk through what you are feeling can be extremely helpful.

for me the issue isn’t sex, it’s the fact that you have sabotaged relationships over the fear.

Wow your two comments just proved how stupid you are. Well done. You admitted that publicly too. 😂

There's nothing wrong with you op, you've made it into a bigger deal than it is and now scared yourself that you'll lose your career by having sex. You won't. You'll find the right person, and when you do, you'll have sex and realise it wasn't a big deal. By the way if a guy makes a big deal about you being a virgin or makes a snide comment, like the uneducated person above, they are not worthy of your presence. Do not sleep with them. Just dump them and walk away.

I was a virgin at 25. You are normal.

Surprised at a couple of the replies you've had, especially given the overwhelming responses on similar threads I've seen in the past!

You are normal op.

And very modern (which makes me sound ancient, I'm only a few years older than you 😄)

More and more younger people are waiting til they're older these days, its a backlash against increased sexualisation.

So many people who have sex at a younger age later say that they never really enjoyed sex until much older. They did it because in some way they felt they should. Its ridiculous. I would always rather wait and go through a 'dry spell' and have quality sex over quantity.

There is nothing wrong with you and you're not going to be a virgin the rest of your life :)

My advice?

Focus on self pleasure while you're single. Learning what you like will mean that you're more confident and will enjoy it more when you do sleep with someone. It will also help you keep in touch with your sensual side.

Don't avoid dating because you've not had sex yet. When you're with someone you're attracted to, just take things as they come. You can stop anytime. You can tell them you're inexperience if you feel comfortable, but you don't have to.

Just don't stop yourself going further for the sole reason that you've not done it before.

Life is not a race and, contrary to what we all seem to be told, you don't need to experience and achieve everything before you're 30!

I really don’t think being a virgin is going to put any man off if that’s what your worried about OP. I think a lot of men will respect you for that and feel very flattered that you have chosen them to have sex with when you do meet someone special.

I was a virgin till 21, and used to say the same as you about not having had the opportunity, then it all fell into place. Looking back now (I'm 30) I realise how daft it was to put so much on the label of 'virgin' or 'not virgin'. It was much more about who I was in that stage of my
Life, and the man I got close to.

You're only 24. There are people older. Not everyone is sexual and some have to have a connection with someone first and perhaps you haven't found that person whereas some people can have sex with anyone.

Get out and have fun and wait and see. If you pick some random up take care not to get any of a number of sti's. By the way drunk sex just isn't the same and sex with a connection. I've done both and know which is far, far better. In fact a vib or a vaginal swirler rather than a bloke in a bar.

More and more younger people are waiting til they're older these days, its a backlash against increased sexualisation.

I'm not sure this is the reason.....I know that fewer young people are having sex but I thought it was more to do with impact of porn and social media meaning they are more isolated and spend less time physically in the company of other young people.

Do you understand that:

You don't have actual facts on which to base the probability you gave?
So, you may think one thing based on your peer group but you don't know what the "norm" is outside your personal bubble.

The word "normal" has massive connotations and telling someone she's abnormal based on your assumptions can be quite damaging?

The doing - or not doing - one thing in one's life which is against the grain of typical social expectations does not make one abnormal. It takes more than that.

"""Marvellousmadness · Today 02:32
If you really want sex. Go to a bar. Have a few drinks.. find a nice guy and..
It's not that hard to find a guy that would be up for it
You just have to rip the bandage of.
Don't forget you ARE normal
NOT a freak
But it is kinda weird that you still are a virgin at 24 considering you say you would actually want to do the deed
Just plan a weekend. Have a few girlfriends there with you at the pub.
Wow your two comments just proved how stupid you are. Well done. You admitted that publicly too. 😂
There's nothing wrong with you op, you've made it into a bigger deal than it is and now scared yourself that you'll lose your career by having sex. You won't. You'll find the right person, and when you do, you'll have sex and realise it wasn't a big deal. By the way if a guy makes a big deal about you being a virgin or makes a snide comment, like the uneducated person above, they are not worthy of your presence. Do not sleep with them. Just dump them and walk away."""

Totally agree with the answer to this stupid post. You are not weird OP there is no bandage. Shit sex with a random drunk guy won't make you feel better.

You are not weird @Glitterdiamonds the person who wrote the above is the weird one here.

I was a virgin until I met my now husband at 27. I felt like you.

Recently I watched this and it totally shifted my perspective, and I feel much kinder towards my younger self. Perhaps it will help you too:

@theveg essentially the same thing,it was a slightly generalising term, but more porn is increased sexualisation - especially when combined with greater isolation. Valid point though.

Its fine.

I was older than you when I married and I was a virgin when i married, as was he. We learned about what we enjoyed physically together.

Lots of people see sex as a recreational sport or part of a night out. As @FinneusMum mentions you could go to a bar pick up a guy have sex and say bye afterwards. (possibly followed by a trip to the sexual health clinic) Depends on you but I suspect that that's not you.

Find someone you can love and who will love you as well and shares your outlook on life. Try to be happy with who you are, someone will love you for being you. Better to be celibate than in a shitty relationship that seems so common on MumsNet.

I can see why you would feel this about your situation , especially with what is in the media and how open people are about their sex lives. I am old and I can remember the pressure I felt as an older teen to have a boyfriend etc.
You aren't a freak however ,opportunities haven't come your way. The poster who mentioned lockdown etc also has a point, it has delayed life stages for some people. All you can do is be open to new opportunities to meet people and enjoy the life you've worked for. I am sure it will happen. I suspect there are more people around like you than we know . Good luck!

nothing g wrong with you at all - it just hasn't happened yet for you for a variety of reasons and you're not into casual sex which is also fine. Just concentrate on meeting someone you like and fancy if thats what you want to do and develop a relationship - the sex will happen. If you're dating guys of a similar age and type to you they're also perhaps not massively experienced anyway and it'll be abit shit until you can see what you both like and what works. Congrats on getting your shit together at a young age and good luck