Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

Asking if you can pay for your child to attend a public space is height of bad manners? What a sheltered life you lead.

If it's a public space then you don't need to ask. Anyone can go. If it's a public space with a separate party area /arrangement and you ask to actually add them to the party that's a bit CF

And I don't understand why people are saying to put things like "siblings are invited to attend but will need to be paid for".

Your child doesn't want their friends siblings at their party!!!

The trouble with asking permission from the host to bring a sibling at your own expense is that you're putting them in an awkward position, however much you insist that you're offering to pay.

Any party my kids have been to it has always been very clear if siblings are invited or not.

It has also been clear if siblings could possibly attend if parents are willing to pay or if it’s strictly no siblings at all.

This has never caused any problems and everyone has always known where they stand.

Yeah you said but I wasn't even speaking to you 🙄

Party invitations are not compulsory. If you’re not happy to drop and leave then you make an excuse not to come. None of this stuff is that tricky.

Give the party list to the organisers and let them tick the children off as they arrive?

Well, if the choice is my daughter not being able to attend any birthday parties for the next couple of years because fully grown adults are too delicate to be asked a question, I’m going to ask the question and expect the adult use their big girl/ boy voice.

Why would you leave your younger children at home? You take them with you, drop off older child, take younger children home, or do something else with them.

Additional needs are different, if your child can’t be left alone then you stay.
DD was at a small school so I knew the mums. They wouldn’t have 1 mum supervising 20 kids. But 3 adults supervising 10 children in a soft play is absolutely fine.
Obviously some parties needed higher ratios eg swim party I went in water.
Swim lessons used to be parents in seating gallery not right on the poolside so kids would listen to instructor.

The favoured soft play venue around here expects parents to stay for ratios.

They do round here as well. The soft play barns here are huge.

I wouldn't have been impressed if all the parents expected me to be responsible for their 5 year old DC at a party. One or two maybe, but no more than that.

And all of our DC have grown up to responsible adults in spite of parents staying at soft play parties for 5 year olds.

The older one is only five so we’re not in a drop and leave position.

There are a lot of posters assuming that parties are held near to home.

The nearest soft play to here is a 25 minute drive away. It made sense to stay and have a coffee and pay for any siblings to play. The parents also brought food or paid for food from the cafe for the siblings. Only the invited children got to eat with the birthday child.

I've never had extra kids turn up to a paid activity party. It's a non issue, just don't pay for them.

If it is a public soft play though with other children around and age appropriate for the sibling I cant see any problem with the parent paying for the child themselves but avoiding the party room!

If it is a closed event then of course you cant

I have another friend who did a party at a trampoline park, paid for something like 15 children with a party room/sandwiches and cake at the end but it was also open to the public to buy a ticket. She gave the venue a list and two cheeky twats brought siblings and just ticked them off the list! They bounced but didn't go to the party bit so my friend didn't notice she assumed they'd come in as 'public'. So two genuine party childrens mums ended up paying to get them in (the desk is a way from the bounce bit) because all the party spaces were 'gone' when they arrived and they didn't mention it to my friend until afterwards. She was mortified and tried to give them the cost of the tickets back but honestly, peoples entitlements knows no bounds.

That's appalling cheeky fuckery, actively stealing two other children's paid for places so her kids could play at your friend's expense. I really hope words were had and money recouped!

OK - than that's quite unusual once they start main stream school IME and if I was in that position then indeed you'd have to take their younger siblings and you've said you would check with the host/venue and would pay.

Your situation is entirely different to parents rocking up and expecting the host to pay £30 for siblings.

What is the point you are making?

Yeah, see how long it takes before you don't need to ask as your dd will end up not being invited if Parents constantly see you turn up with your whole family in tow

Well they might not have a choice. My mum was going to look after my son once so I could take my daughter to a party. But the day before she was admitted into hospital so obviously couldn't. My older sister and brother in law were away and there was nobody else to help me out. It was a choice of take both or not go at all. He was only a baby. He had been fed and I took snacks for him. He was too young to understand anyway. Oh and the birthday boys mum said it was fine. The birthday boy himself was an only child and the older children loved playing with him and making him laugh.

If you are worried about her alone at 5 you could ask party organiser or another mum to watch yours rather than taking uninvited siblings each time. Your DC will know some of the other mums from school and play dates.

...and this situation is NOTHING akin to what the OP is talking about.

I don't why people are posting their unique reasons why they had to take younger siblings and that it was all OK.

The OP doesn't need to have her eyes opened to all these reasons why people bring siblings, she's asking for advice on how to politely but firmly make it clear that she's not paying £30 for the younger siblings of CF parents.

It’s really not an issue where I live. It’s expected that not everyone has people they can rely on to leave their kids with. It’s expected that you supervise your own five year old.
If parents are so spiteful that they’d not allow their child to invite my child because I would ask to pay for my two younger children to also enter the public building, then shame on that parent.

Literally not a single parent, in all the parties I have ever been to, has ever left their five year old without parental supervision.

Hire a minibus to transport ONLY the invited child guests.

On the invitation to named child guest, request parents to drop off and collect them at the minibus collection point.

I was in a similar situation one year and spelled it out on the invite, along the lines of: 'Due to numbers, we unfortunately cannot accommodate siblings. Any additional children in attendance will have to be paid for. Please note the cost is £xx per child.'