Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

It's funny how different things are in different areas.

There was almost a collective hurrah when our kids went from pre-school/nursery to main stream school, as it was regarded as the time when you could leave them alone.

What age do they leave them then? 6? 7? Maybe it's a covid thing - they're just not as socialised as previous cohorts.

Its hardly spiteful, is it?

If someone rocked up to one of my kids parties with younger probably irritating siblings they would not be invited the next year. Its not about your uninvited dc and hosts being spiteful, you are forgetting the main part of the party is about the child who's birthday it is, this child has chosen who to invite and your dc are not included. And there is also the fact of your invited child who now can't enjoy their party because they have a younger sibling following them around as they are the only other child they know!

No, it’s not a covid thing. I have friends with older children who were the same pre-covid.
I think you’re expected to stay and supervise until they’re about 7/8. Maybe it coincides with not having soft play parties any more and the party group getting smaller and more select as they get older.

@samsmummyhere something like this in the invite “if you would like a sibling to join in, the charge is £30 per child (we have covered the cost of the named child’s activity and food/drink but as you can appreciate, any more would be too expensive for us to cover).”

I was always the mum who would help out I’d not have thought twice if another mum asked if I’d keep an eye on ‘Jane’ at the party. That’s how it was done.
Like I said earlier we’ve definitely noticed difference post Covid at Brownies - mums expecting to accompany on activities or ‘needing’ to come for ‘Jane’.
If norm is now for parents to stay with 5 and 6 year olds at parties I can see why Brown Owl is getting this age 7.

I don’t just turn up, I ask.
My older kid is perfectly happy playing with her classmates, her sibling or sometimes new friends she makes at the party. Although, I’ve never been to a party where the host monitors who my child is playing with and making sure it’s a adequate amount of time don’t with the party child in order to have earns their invite.
If the party child doesn’t want my younger children in a public building 🙄 all the parent has to do is say “I’m sorry, but I can’t accommodate siblings. Shall we arrange a play date or meet up instead?”

Why should ops ds have kids attending that he has not invited, even if they do pay for themselves?

I definitely think it’s a post Covid knock on effect.

It’s really not 😂 I’m 35 and parents came to parties until we were 7/8 back in the 90’s here.

It seems to be a mainly MN thing where a party is considered an outing for the whole family.

If you have a partner or childcare at home, you should just take the invited child. I think it's cheeky to rock up with siblings, particularly much older or younger, even if you pay as it changes the dynamics of the whole party. You often also end up with awkwardness over the party tea and bags.

While there are exceptional circumstances for some kids, I think some parents don't think of the impact on the birthday child and their parents. I find parties stressful enough without lots of extras.

People dropped at four or five years in my elder son's year, depending on the type of party. The younger son's school year had more parents inclined to come with partners and siblings, not really sure why.

People are conflating two issues here child being invited to a soft play and parents staying with siblings bur paying for siblings and not expecting expecting them to join in with the party food etc is one thing
Parents bringing siblings and expecting them t9 be catered for and paid for is quite another!

Just make it clear on the invitation that it’s booked for a set amount of children so siblings can’t attend.

Agreed

I'm assuming siblings can do the activity seperate to the party That way the parents will be close by to supervise the child. If they are just paying for the activity it won't be £30 anyway.🤔🙄

Maybe very area dependant? I’m talking 10 years ago. Up north.
Parties for that age were at the same few venues - soft play, themed party place, or hire a room with an entertainer.
They were drop and go from school age. Obviously some mums or relatives would stay it wasn’t 15 kids and just party mum but it certainly wasn’t norm for mum of every single 5 year old to stay each party.

It really must be! I’ve honestly only heard of the drop and leave parties for five year olds on MN and Motherland.
I’m up north though. In South Yorkshire

Love that motherland episode where the genius solution to childcare is to have a whole class drop and leave party in anticipation of getting 29 drop and leave party invites back but it all backfires.
The all mums staying is making me think of that old 80s comedy bit of a do with David Jason. Same cast different party each week.

How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

Some excellent suggestions upthread, but I wouldn't be confident they'll make any difference; the type who'll dump siblings and expect you to pay are unlikely to care

According to friends with younger DCs, the only thing that works is to have someone on the door who'll turn "extras" away. It could mean your DS losing a couple of the planned guests if the parents take them all home, but short of booking somewhere else for the party there may not be much alternative

DS could say when he hands out the invitations ' this invite is just for you, right? Strictly no brothers or sisters allowed'. And you write that on the invitation to reinforce it.

OP has paid for a party for 10 kids at £30 per kid, says in the OP that they cannot afford anymore, so your solution is to hire a minibus?

I did put it on the invitations when this cropped up. Had a couple of CF's who were previously pushy with their older kids attending unannounced/joining in/ expecting to be fed and I couldn't be arsed with having to head it off on entry on the day so I just put 'due to numbers being pre-arranged, siblings cannot be accommodated due to insurance purposes' on the invite.

Feck 'em!! Pushy sods!!

I'm going to make an assumption here that they are not being invited to a randomer's party but to a party of a class mate from school or some other after school activity so to the 5 year old they are not being left with people they don't know. They are being left with Billy and Billy's mum or dad (who organised the party).
Just because you might not know them doesn't mean that your 5 year old wouldn't recognise them or know them.

I think this wins the award for the most ridiculous entitled post I’ve read on here in a while. 🤣🤣

Absolutely do not do this.

If a child cannot attend because their sibling isn't invited then tough.

How and when did organising a child's party become such a palaver?

I was delighted (as were my kids) that I was leaving them with their friends at a party and wasn't hanging around with them or that I paid for their sibling to stay at the venue and essentially wave over at them while they were doing their thing with their friends. Even to parties in other people's houses - I dropped my son/daughter to the house, said my hello's and asked what time they wanted me to collect said son/daughter at. Then I waved bye bye to my kid and returned at the designated time. I would never assume to leave one with the other.

NO! You take all children to the party. Leave 5 year old there as he’s invited and take other 2 home with you! Do you take your others to school that your 5year old attends and have them there all day? No I thought not.
A 1 year old at a 5 years old party changes the whole dynamic!