Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

I understand they need to accompany you, but why do you need to stay? Can't your 5 year old stay at the party w/o you?

No, she can’t.

Of anyone is stupid cheeky enough to do that, then OP can reply ‘sorry, only the child named on the invite is included in the booking’.

I can see a party at a hall being one where parents think it’s fine to bring extra, but when it’s clearly stated that it’s by booking only, the named child on the invite is the one!

£360 for a child's birthday party? Just say no to your DS on this one. Perhaps tell him that there are people who are on lower incomes than you, and some will struggle to pay bills, and you don't want them to feel embarrassed that they cannot do something similar for their son's birthday.

Why? Unless it’s an specific activity that needs 1-1 ratio, 5 is an age they can attend usual types of party alone eg hall, soft play.
Obviously if child has additional needs that’s different but 5 year olds will be fine for 2 hours at a party venue.
Mine’s a teen now but drop off at 1pm pick up at 3pm parties were the norm not children needing to be accompanied.

I’ve been to about 12 birthday parties this school year. Not a single one has a parent left their five year old old without parental supervision.
It’s not just me wanting to sit in a party hat steal all the balloons and shove the kids off the big slide. All the parents stay.

Absolutely agree with this. There are CFs about, but this is so specific to me that it clearly being stated what type of activity it is and the child's name on the invite should shout loud and clear that it does not include siblings

I’ve often had to bring my other kids to parties as my ex worked away a lot, unless I could drop them off and pick them up. Places that I could stay and pay for I sometimes did for my other children. Just make it clear that you are only paying for the invited child. I can’t see anyone having a problem with that.

You could also give a list of names to the people on reception. Quite a few of the parties we’ve held have asked for them anyway for waivers.

It absolutely happens and it shouldn't at any party. It doesn't matter whether it's in a hall, home, paid for activity, you don't just turn up with extra people to a party! If you have asked the host fair enough but to say "oh its in a hall a couple more won't matter" when food and party bags have already been catered for is not on. If everyone took that approach you could end up with 20-30 more kids that the birthday child doesn't even know!

If people wanted siblings they would write theie names on the invite. If its only Paul's name on the invite its because they only want bloody Paul to attend.

Rant over (can you tell this has happened to me? And I stood my ground and said if you have no other options then child can stay but there is no food or party bags. Mum muttered a lot under her breath and then left with younger child, and apparently bad mouthed me at school to everyone).

Like @Dontwanttoberudeorwastetime all parents stayed at soft play parties for 5 year olds when DD was that age.times

a) I think it is a massive imposition and probably a safeguarding concern to have just one parent responsible for 12 over excited 5 year olds in a soft play barn. What if one child is injured?
b) a child of that age in a big soft play barn would need taking to the toilet, leaving no adults responsible for the other 11
c) all the soft plays round here are a 25 minute drive away so it doesn't make sense to make that journey 4 times

‘Drop off only, no siblings’ should do it!

Well what do you suggest then? If you have other children it's not always possible to have someone look after them so you can take one child to a party. In my case as children have special needs I either had to take both or not go at all. This is why I just used to have a bouncy castle in a hall or disco. I understand they might have to bring siblings so there was always plenty of room and food to cater for all.

Why do you have to take your uninvited children?

^this^

I think it’s frowned upon to leave a one year old and a four year old home alone while I go to a party, isn’t it?

I don't get this. How old is DS? If it is a specific activity rather than a party in a church hall or similiar I don't see why parents are expecting additional children to be included. Surely it's easy to say - this is an invitation for x only, unfortunately no siblings can be accommodated due to restrictions on numbers

There were some chancers at DS 6th birthday who tried to get younger siblings to be part of the activity but I said 'sorry no, we are at maximum numbers', but most parents dropped and ran, those that stayed were welcome to have a coffee / drink and most waited outside the main hall.

Why would you leave a five year old with people you don't know?

Because you do it regularly at playdates, Brownies or swimming lessons?

I really don’t like being directed to drop my child off and leave them there. I just wouldn’t pay for any additional siblings. Give the venue a list.

@Wetblanket78 I used to stay outside the party hall / elsewhere in the venue when DS was 5 so close enough if needed but wouldn't be in the room with all the kids. why would you not give them some freedom when there are adults around and activity provided by reputable organisations.

I would leave my 8 year old happily but wouldn’t leave my 5 year old. It’s normal here that parents stick around for R/Y1 parties and often Y2. By Y3 it’s generally smaller groups of kids. My Y1 child is having a drop and leave party later this month but it’s at home so a contained environment. I’d also happily do a drop and leave for private hire soft play and check we had a few extra adults around but no way would I want to be responsible for a dozen 5-6 year olds in an environment with loads of other people.

Do you think wetblanket follows her five year old around the soft play? Or do you think it’s more likely she goes, let’s them get on with it but is within a reasonable proximity to offer support if needed?

Way it was done 10 years ago was party mum and her friends and/or relatives would supervise. So you just dropped and collected - 3 adults are fine to supervise ten 5 or 6 year olds at a soft play it doesn’t need 1-1.

Because its a party and thats generally what happens at a party. I think if Your kids are not ready to be left with the party host for 2 hours then you should politely decline rather than inflicting uninvited siblings on the host and making things awkward.

I have been hosting kids partys for 25 years and never have I expected parents to stay, in fact I would hate it, I would be far too busy to be making small talk with random parents I didn't really know. I always made sure there were enough adults to supervise but I wouldn't dream of asking other parents to do that.