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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at DH over his stupid fucking car

258 replies

Shutuppppp · 08/08/2022 06:50

Years ago DH bought a ridiculously expensive (and loud) car with a huge roaring engine. The sound this stupid thing makes when he starts it up is embarrassing.

I am absolutely ready to take a baseball bat to it. We have a young child (13 months) and I do 99% of the overnights as DH works a lot.

He sleeps better than he used to as a newborn obviously but he's been ill the past couple of weeks and has been up and down, often waking at about 3 and then going back to sleep, or trying at least.

But then 6:30am comes and this stupid fucking beast on our driveway starts up and wakes him up and I've just had enough of it. I'm so mad about this ridiculous fucking car.

DH doesn't know what I expect him to do and I don't really know either, all I know is it pisses me off and I'm mad at him about it. Get the fucking bus or something, I don't care just don't wake DC (and me after being up and down all night) with your stupid fucking toy.

Honestly I often wish I'd wake up in the morning to someone having stolen it in the night.

OP posts:
Whadda · 08/08/2022 18:06

Agrudge · 08/08/2022 07:53

Let him enjoy his car. If hes earnt the money to an buy and run an audi r8 . It's up to him what car he owns.

And Elon Musk has earned the money to put a dome over the planet and pipe-in Save Your Love 24/7. That doesn’t mean he should do it.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/08/2022 07:27

Sigh. It's not only a few seconds when you're then having to deal with the now awake baby for however long afterwards. I'm not sure what's hard to understand about that.

Sigh. I've had 3 DC, I get the dealing-with-awake-baby is tough. But you are making an excessive fuss about this.

DH is starting the car and driving away. Not idling it or procrastinating or doing so at a wildly unsociable time (630 is quite normal for people to leave the house).

It wakes your baby - but lots of things wake babies, and while I appreciate your argument is that this is a thing that can be rectified, I still think the idea that he should change his car for this is mad.

Now, as I said in my PP, the other stuff - the car not working for family reasons, him not pulling his weight at night - that's very valid & you should talk to him avoid this. I think the car-noise-in-morning has become the focus of a lot of your other frustrations.

Sisisimone · 09/08/2022 10:01

The car noise every.single.fucking.morning though waking the baby is something that would wear away at you until it became a major issue. I'd be starting every day off in a bad mood because I'd be so pissed off. We had a previous neighbour that during the winter would crank up his noisy old van and leave it running for 15 minutes to warm up. Every, single day waking up to that noise was enough to send everyone in the street batty. So I have every sympathy with the OP and all the 'let the ickle boy play with his toy' comments are both sad and hilarious. The car doesn't work for the family anyway so it's ridiculous not to change it. We all have to make sacrifices like that to fit in with family life when we have children

SirChenjins · 09/08/2022 11:52

Why does the number of children you’ve had have any bearing on this @EarringsandLipstick ? It’s completely irrelevant - 1, 3, 12, doesn’t matter one jot. It’s an unnecessary start to the day for the OP when with a bit of care and consideration for his partner and child this could be avoided. That’s not an ‘excessive fuss’, that’s a fully justified and completely understandable request that decent partners wouldn’t have to have spelled out to them.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/08/2022 13:40

@SirChenjins

Why does the number of children you’ve had have any bearing on this

Er, it doesn't? Not sure why you think that I thought this! I simply mentioned having DC meaning, I get stuff with kids is hard. But it is utterly precious to be so wound up about a car starting (a car starting NORMALLY) waking up the DC at 6.30. Load of DC wake up at that time. Sure, her DC is sick at present - and it sounds likes DH isn't helping out at night - that's the key issue, surely, which I've said a few times.

His car might be impractical for other reasons (again, I've said this 3 times) but it is ridiculous to complain about the noise it makes for a few seconds when he starts it, doing what you do normally with a car.

There could equally be a neighbour with a motorbike or a similarly noisy car, and there would be nothing OP could do about it.

Again, babies wake for all sorts of reasons - it goes with the territory and I do think in this specific instance she is unfair to DH (not so in relation to her shouldering all the night wakings, and the car not working for the full family - but they are not what she asked about).

EarringsandLipstick · 09/08/2022 13:42

We had a previous neighbour that during the winter would crank up his noisy old van and leave it running for 15 minutes to warm up

Not the same though - her DH just starts his car and drives away. Like you are meant to. It is apparently a noisier-than-usual car and so makes a noise that wakes their baby but it's still not reasonable to say get rid of the car on that basis alone [again, I note there may be other factors which make the car unsuitable]

pictish · 09/08/2022 13:55

I agree with you lipstick - load of fuss over fuck all.

pictish · 09/08/2022 14:01

And I mean the thread and all the replies, not even the OP whose baby will be fine. Typical Mumsnet, big handwringing and dramatics over small stuff, making it seem much worse than it actually is.

The next door neighbours could buy a bloody R8 tomorrow. Get a grip ladies.

SirChenjins · 09/08/2022 14:04

Er, it doesn't? Not sure why you think that I thought this! I simply mentioned having DC meaning, I get stuff with kids is hard

The OP has already explained how hard it is and I'm sure that she is well aware that babies wake for all sorts of reasons - her husband turning on the engine of a powerful and unnecessary car every single working day at stupid o'clock doesn't need to be one of them. The key issues isn't that he's not helping - the key issue is that he's an inconsiderate arse whose V8 is more important that his wife and child, and despite knowing that the noise of it leaves his wife to deal with his crying child every day he simply doesn't GAF.

SirChenjins · 09/08/2022 14:04

pictish · 09/08/2022 14:01

And I mean the thread and all the replies, not even the OP whose baby will be fine. Typical Mumsnet, big handwringing and dramatics over small stuff, making it seem much worse than it actually is.

The next door neighbours could buy a bloody R8 tomorrow. Get a grip ladies.

Typical pictish.

Duchess379 · 09/08/2022 19:02

It must be really annoying but an Audi R8 is an awesome car. Just not very practical for a family. Do you have a second car? 😬

Duchess379 · 09/08/2022 19:04

despairingdonut · 08/08/2022 08:36

Aren't R8s like £100k?

Yup, but that's not the issue. Or any of ur business tbh.

Duchess379 · 09/08/2022 19:11

Reading all your posts, it's coming across that you're really tired. Is hubby doing his bit in the night, or are you a sahm & expected to do nights & days with grumpy baby whilst DH swans off in the R8?
And you have older kids?! How the heck do you all get in it?! A trailer? A roof box?
I'm all for having fabulous cars as long as it's suitable. I'd love a Porsche convertible but with2 frail parents & 3 dogs, I've had to settle for an SUV instead. Men - defo from another planet! 💞

SafeHeaven · 09/08/2022 19:13

Dh used to have a van that never went anywhere as he worked from home. He fitted this fancy alarm on it were it made a noise if someone went near it. Because it did this, the battery used to drain and would then sound an alarm on his phone to alert him of a low battery. To shut the alarm up, you had to start the van up and let it run to charge the battery up. So this could be maybe 4am in the morning …

it was really annoying for the neighbours him starting the van up and leaving it running (he used to start it from his phone) at say 5am on a Sunday morning. What was also irritating was the van used to give a whistle every time it started up.

dh couldn’t see the neighbours point of view when he banged on our door about it and was complaining about it.

Glittertwins · 09/08/2022 19:28

Once the DCs are at uni, I'm getting my R8!

Agrudge · 09/08/2022 20:16

Duchess379 · 09/08/2022 19:11

Reading all your posts, it's coming across that you're really tired. Is hubby doing his bit in the night, or are you a sahm & expected to do nights & days with grumpy baby whilst DH swans off in the R8?
And you have older kids?! How the heck do you all get in it?! A trailer? A roof box?
I'm all for having fabulous cars as long as it's suitable. I'd love a Porsche convertible but with2 frail parents & 3 dogs, I've had to settle for an SUV instead. Men - defo from another planet! 💞

Swans off in his r8???

You mean going to work

And she has a car for the family

DysmalRadius · 09/08/2022 20:45

Agrudge · 08/08/2022 10:33

So what was his response to getting a 2nd car?

Show quote history

One has to assume that if he had bought a second car for work, the op would probably not have started this thread...

Original poster
Shutuppppp · 09/08/2022 21:10

And she has a car for the family

Oh that's okay then! So long as I'm always the practical one. What if I fancy an R8? (I don't. But hypothetically, why do I have to be the one to think of the family?)

OP posts:
YesJess · 09/08/2022 21:46

Shutuppppp · 09/08/2022 21:10

And she has a car for the family

Oh that's okay then! So long as I'm always the practical one. What if I fancy an R8? (I don't. But hypothetically, why do I have to be the one to think of the family?)

Well, presumably the reason he has a fancy car and you don't is because he wants one and you don't. It wouldn't make sense for you to have a fancy car you don't appreciate at the cost of him not having one.

It's like saying 'why does she get to spend hundreds on a designer handbag whilst I don't?' Women and men tend to like different things.

YesJess · 09/08/2022 21:49

I'd much rather be woken by the sound of a V8 than a screaming child.

YoureEntirelyBonkers · 09/08/2022 22:03

It's like saying 'why does she get to spend hundreds on a designer handbag whilst I don't?' Women and men tend to like different things.

It's nothing like that. Because in this case both parents can't have a fancy car like this can they? Even if they both wanted one. Because someone need to consider the needs of the family which isn't a small sports car. Thats what annoying about 'it doesn't matter because she has the family car'.. well YES. Someone has to.

YesJess · 09/08/2022 22:29

But she'd still have a family car even if he didn't buy the sports car. She said she doesn't want a fancy car. All this moaning rather than just buying some earplugs.

YesJess · 09/08/2022 22:31

DysmalRadius · 09/08/2022 20:45

One has to assume that if he had bought a second car for work, the op would probably not have started this thread...

Show quote history

She'd have started another about the unnecessary cost of running three cars.

SirChenjins · 10/08/2022 08:07

YesJess · 09/08/2022 22:31

She'd have started another about the unnecessary cost of running three cars.

Show quote history

Quite the little imagination you have there.

Agrudge · 10/08/2022 09:57

DysmalRadius · 09/08/2022 20:45

One has to assume that if he had bought a second car for work, the op would probably not have started this thread...

Show quote history

Your basing that on the assumption that shes actually asked him to get a 2nd car for work.

I've not seen any mention of this ,just the op having a tantrum because shes not getting her own way

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