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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 07/08/2022 15:48

Bellezza · 07/08/2022 14:57

Ah well, op, when all these jobs have been replaced with robots you won't have to interact with anybody at all.

I have loved the replacement of service workers with automation in some areas - checkouts, banking, ticket machines at the train station and cinema, lifts (almost entirely automated long before my time, but I’ve still come across a few at places like Claridges) are normally way better with self-service. Am really looking forward to driverless cars.

TowelChair · 07/08/2022 15:49

You sound grumpy

Astitch · 07/08/2022 15:51

You just come across as a bit snotty, OP.

Those in customer facing roles are humans, not robots.

DuchessDarty · 07/08/2022 15:51

YANBU.

As for the salt one, I’m surprised so many people think it’s acceptable for a waiter (of either sex) to police whether people have tried the food BEFORE asking for salt.

Asking for the salt doesn’t mean the OP was guaranteed to add salt, it means she wanted the option to and was asking when convenient. The alternative is either the waiter waiting while the OP tries the food, or the waiter going off, the OP trying the food and wanting more salt, then having to flag the waiter down whilst waiting to eat or eating food that she wants to season. Neither is time efficient or putting the customer first,

gatehouseoffleet · 07/08/2022 16:06

Onandupw · 07/08/2022 14:51

@mam0918 oh I was waiting for the Karen comment and there it is!!

you’re totally right. If only middle aged women (I’ve made an assumption OP!) would just shut up learn that there place is to just to smile and not make a fuss.

remind me again what the male equivalent is of the Karen put down? I shall wait.

Karen was trending on Twitter this morning.

I will repeat this for those at the back who can't heat: using Karen as an insult if ageist and sexist (and rather horrible for women called Karen). Stop it, and find another way to criticise behaviour you don't like (but before you do, consider if you are merely thinking that women over 45 should put up and shut up).

gatehouseoffleet · 07/08/2022 16:06

hear not heat!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2022 16:07

Onlylyingtrout, your post wasn't the one I was referring to as vacuous, it was the a-hole poster.

That said, you comment as to how I treat people when you have no idea but to clarify, I treat service staff (and anybody else) politely and I get that same treatment back. I expect it. I don't want to be held up with chit-chat and I wouldn't like the questioning that OP refers to. Some might, I wouldn't.

I loathe the phrase 'read the room' but it's apposite and if customer-facing staff don't do that then they run the risk of annoying their customers who might say something - or silently seethe.

gatehouseoffleet · 07/08/2022 16:09

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 14:30

Missing the point of the thread entirely… which cards don’t allow contactless? Even my daughters student account has contactless.

You can opt out of contactless; and some banks allow you to reduce the limit from £100 (I have reduced one of mine to £50).

AlexandriasWindmill · 07/08/2022 16:10

You must find life very difficult if such mundane interactions cause you this level of angst.

gatehouseoffleet · 07/08/2022 16:13

OneTC · 07/08/2022 13:53

Couldn't imagine going round my life being this pissed off at everything

I think the issue is that once one person has annoyed you, you start seeing it everywhere. Isolated incidents, you would probably shrug off, but if you have all of these happen in a short space of time, you start getting annoyed. And there's confirmation bias of course - you might read things into situations that aren't actually there.

But I don't think the OP is unreasonable in any of the situations she's mentioned (except possibly the salt but I agree it's usually on the table so she should not have had to ask in the first place).

Arenanewbie · 07/08/2022 16:24

I agree with you OP, your post is a bit emotional and looks like you are against low paid workers in service industry but it’s not. It’s about you having options and choosing the one you like not the one the other party assumed you would like/choose.
Imagine that Ive asked my DH for a black tea and then he asked me again and again to check and then said : I’ll better make you white tea, less caffeine so safer before bedtime. The stories about credit card, the basket and salt they are approximately the same - the other party knew better then you what you needed. It’s very irritating.
I often get myself in similar situations because my choices are often not standard. I wouldn’t claim they are perfect , they are just mine. I want to know what options are available and then I choose what’s suitable for me, I don’t care if the other option is the most popular and don’t want to know about this, the other party doesn’t have right to know about my logic unless it’s really relevant.
in mobile phone situation I would actually give him a benefit of doubt and answer his question in case it’s relevant.

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 16:57

AlexandriasWindmill · 07/08/2022 16:10

You must find life very difficult if such mundane interactions cause you this level of angst.

I’ve seen quite a few of these ‘Oh goodness, I could never go through life letting the little things get to me like this, it must be exhausting, I just let things wash over me, life’s too short’ type posts on this thread. To be honest, you all sound a bit wet. I don’t see putting up with any old crap just to demonstrate to the world how chilled you are as a virtue. If you let yourself get trampled on for the sake of a quiet life, people will indeed trample.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 07/08/2022 17:10

NoSquirrels · 07/08/2022 14:59

Honestly, I’m not making it up- it’s generally accepted to be rude to add salt to food before tasting it.

It’s got nothing really to do with if you can - you totally can! Or to do with whether you’re paying or anything, or if the server has ‘done their job’. It’s just a socially accepted etiquette thing.

I think the OP was within their rights to ask for salt, I think the waitress should have brought it (but just privately rolled her eyes). So the OP’s not wrong about that. But as it is considered impolite/ignorant to salt before tasting then that’s why I said they should suck it up.

I don’t care, really! Salt away, salty people!

no it isn't! Where in heaven's name did you get that nonsense from?

Onandupw · 07/08/2022 17:12

They tend to be the Cool Girls of mumsnet OP. Tend to also be chilled with bantz from the lads too.

such be internalised misogyny…

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 07/08/2022 17:17

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 16:57

I’ve seen quite a few of these ‘Oh goodness, I could never go through life letting the little things get to me like this, it must be exhausting, I just let things wash over me, life’s too short’ type posts on this thread. To be honest, you all sound a bit wet. I don’t see putting up with any old crap just to demonstrate to the world how chilled you are as a virtue. If you let yourself get trampled on for the sake of a quiet life, people will indeed trample.

But nobody is trampling on you in any of the situations you describe.

godmum56 · 07/08/2022 17:26

OneTC · 07/08/2022 13:53

Couldn't imagine going round my life being this pissed off at everything

couldn't imagine going around putting up with that much bollocks every day

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 17:33

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 07/08/2022 17:17

But nobody is trampling on you in any of the situations you describe.

In three of the cases, they tried to push me into doing what they wanted instead of just following a simple customer request. I didn’t let them.

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 07/08/2022 17:33

Oh God, not the ‘cool’ shit. ‘Ooh, their cool mums, cools girls’. Tittish.

rumplestiltskinp · 07/08/2022 17:35

You sound very unlucky. Once or twice such things wouldn't bother me, but all those it could well get to me yeah. I make a little joke out of things; same thing 'no it's contactless' 'yeah, but thing is my card isn't' hahaha much hilarity (for them for some reason).

midsomermurderess · 07/08/2022 17:36

And as for ‘internalised misogyny’, give over. Some days on here feel like running into teenagers who have just discovered feminism and, what do you know, we’re all doing it wrong.

Burgoo · 07/08/2022 17:38

Calm down! There's much more important things to get worked up over than someone asking if you have tried food before giving you salt! I'd be terrified to give you any suggestions/comments if I knew you in real life. Hardly a good trait is it?

People just want to be polite, say something nice or offer a suggestion. These jobs are boring AF so it gives them something to get up for!

Just get a grip, smile and nod and move on. the OP sounds so rude.

Scabetty · 07/08/2022 17:40

You sound bright and breezy 😂. To be honest I am not known for my patience but I wouldn’t get upset at this stuff.

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 17:52

Calm down! There's much more important things to get worked up over than someone asking if you have tried food before giving you salt! I'd be terrified to give you any suggestions/comments if I knew you in real life. Hardly a good trait is it?

She was a waitress, not my friend. All she had to do was bring the salt as asked. Any ‘terror’ at my reaction to her comment could have been avoided by just doing her job.

OP posts:
fizzywat · 07/08/2022 17:55

You appear to be on high alert and looking for trouble at every move. Please get a life.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 07/08/2022 17:57

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 17:33

In three of the cases, they tried to push me into doing what they wanted instead of just following a simple customer request. I didn’t let them.

Go, you. Honestly, I don't envy your world view.