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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
Onandupw · 07/08/2022 14:51

@mam0918 oh I was waiting for the Karen comment and there it is!!

you’re totally right. If only middle aged women (I’ve made an assumption OP!) would just shut up learn that there place is to just to smile and not make a fuss.

remind me again what the male equivalent is of the Karen put down? I shall wait.

ilyx · 07/08/2022 14:51

But people who work with food - chefs, waiting staff - generally want their work to be appreciated

The waiting staff have nothing to do with the food

user1497207191 · 07/08/2022 14:54

Re the restaurant, I'll ask for condiments if they're not on the table, if the waiting staff don't bring them with the meal. At that stage, I don't know what I'll want to add, but I don't want to be hanging around, whilst the meal is getting cold, to catch the attention of waiting staff. Sometimes they go AWOL as soon as they bring your food or pretend to ignore you as they come and go to other customers. So you could have a long wait. Best to ask whilst you've got their attention.

JemimaPuddlegoose · 07/08/2022 14:54

Can DM if you want specifics but basically freelance artist.

ChampagneLassie · 07/08/2022 14:56

I get you and I'm kind of like you, but I don't think this is a good part of me, quite the opposite when I catch myself thinking like this I try to think & act more positively. Also you're only seeing things from your perspective eg for every person who needs to put in their pin, there are probably 5 who haven't realised that the limit has gone up and if everyone did contact less it saves so much time so I get why he'd fo that. Simmilary the wait tress and salt I've watched people do this then sag it's too salty!

Bellezza · 07/08/2022 14:57

Ah well, op, when all these jobs have been replaced with robots you won't have to interact with anybody at all.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/08/2022 14:59

Oh I’m so with you OP. The only one where I thought maybe was the salt one - as they probably preferred to only get it if needed - but otherwise totally yanbu.

The one I find annoying is where people stop you just to say “your zip is open” - there’s nothing in that pocket! It doesn’t matter if the zip is open.

I hate unsolicited advice though.

NoSquirrels · 07/08/2022 14:59

BronwenFrideswide · 07/08/2022 14:46

But people who work with food - chefs, waiting staff - generally want their work to be appreciated. Adding salt before tasting says you don’t think it will be any good.

No it doesn't it just means you want salt. The Chef has produced the food to his/her taste their job is done, the waiting staff have taken the food to the table their job is done. What the person eating it adds to it or not is down to the person eating it which is their prerogative and none of any one else's business or concern.

OP can ask for salt, the waitress shouldn’t have commented. But the reason she commented is that it’s generally accepted to be rude/ignorant to add salt before tasting.

Is it? The waitress was the rude one here, not her job or her business to police how people want their food and whether or not they've tasted it first.

Honestly, I’m not making it up- it’s generally accepted to be rude to add salt to food before tasting it.

It’s got nothing really to do with if you can - you totally can! Or to do with whether you’re paying or anything, or if the server has ‘done their job’. It’s just a socially accepted etiquette thing.

I think the OP was within their rights to ask for salt, I think the waitress should have brought it (but just privately rolled her eyes). So the OP’s not wrong about that. But as it is considered impolite/ignorant to salt before tasting then that’s why I said they should suck it up.

I don’t care, really! Salt away, salty people!

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 15:00

I'm taking OP's version of events with a pinch of salt.

Lucky you. I had to justify it before I could even get any!

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 07/08/2022 15:07

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?

I have never been in a restaurant that doesn't have salt and pepper on the table. In over 40 years of dining out and working at these places, it's standard practice. I can't imagine a situation where a member of the serving staff would ask such a question.

As for the others, how unfortunate you come across people apparently making these comments so often.

wishmyhousetidy · 07/08/2022 15:12

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2022 14:12

You and the others doing it, would dream of dismissing the OP if she were male. If the customer were male they don't have to put up with a stream of consciousness about every little thing.

If service staff do behave like this then it's hardly surprising that customers get tired of it. There's just no need; do the job and move on to the next. That's all anybody wants from you/anybody else doing a job.

I haven't experienced many instances as the OP describes but I don't doubt it. I've been in many a checkout where the cashier is having an extended chat with whomever they're serving. It's annoying and other than a polite hello, I don't engage with it when it's my turn to be served as everybody behind me has already been waiting.

Telling the OP she's 'over-thinking is reductive and just rude.

We are all allowed an opinion, that’s surely the point of this site. If the poster had been a man my opinion and comments would have been exactly the same. I go to shops, cafes, cinema etc and rarely am I offended by comments by staff I meet, I find some friendly, some just do their job without any chat- both fine. I just find it incredible that you are offended so often, and also bizarre that you brought in gender.

BronwenFrideswide · 07/08/2022 15:13

I think the OP was within their rights to ask for salt, I think the waitress should have brought it (but just privately rolled her eyes). So the OP’s not wrong about that. But as it is considered impolite/ignorant to salt before tasting then that’s why I said they should suck it up.

The OP must just suck up a waitress being rude?

Honestly, I’m not making it up- it’s generally accepted to be rude to add salt to food before tasting it.

Generally accepted by whom? What business is it of anyone's what other people choose to do with their food? It's rude and bad manners to comment or point it out. If a diner chooses to cover their food in any condiment before eating it that's down to them, neither the Chef nor the waitress are being asked to eat it are they?

Is it the business of Chefs, waiting staff, other diners to watch whether people taste their food before putting condiments on it and then comment on or roll their eyes at this dreadful failure of social etiquette?

JemimaPuddlegoose · 07/08/2022 15:17

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/08/2022 14:59

Oh I’m so with you OP. The only one where I thought maybe was the salt one - as they probably preferred to only get it if needed - but otherwise totally yanbu.

The one I find annoying is where people stop you just to say “your zip is open” - there’s nothing in that pocket! It doesn’t matter if the zip is open.

I hate unsolicited advice though.

Yes, I have a suitcase that had a tiny bit of damage to the zipper where the zips doesn't meet in the middle, so you have to leave a gap of perhaps a inch. It's not a big deal since the gap is too small for anything to fall out of (anything really small like a toothbrush would be inside a smaller bag or tucked into a pocket).

The amount of times I've had to stop "helpful" people from grabbing my suitcase and trying to force the zips together. Someone actually did that halfway through my last trip which broke the case completely, and I had to duct tape it shut the whole way through the rest of the trip then pay to have it wrapped in plastic at the airport, then had to run around a foreign city looking for luggage shops. Wouldn't have happened if they'd just minded their own business.

As for this salt nonsense, I fail to see why liking salt means you are poorly educated/lacking in knowledge.

ToddlerTimes · 07/08/2022 15:18

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Onandupw · 07/08/2022 15:21

@ToddlerTimes yes women in middle age - what are they like! Amiright?

ThinWomansBrain · 07/08/2022 15:23

You do sound a bit grouchy OP - did all of these things happen on the same day, or is it a eant that's been building up over a while?
agree with PP that I couldn't expend that much energy being so hacked off with everything.
Hope the rant has helped you feel better :)

Sooverthisnow · 07/08/2022 15:25

I don’t think I could go through life finding so much fault with everything- it must be exhausting for you OP!
Everyone is human, no one is perfect and people are generally just getting through their day as best they can.

ToddlerTimes · 07/08/2022 15:26

Yup! So I've been told. It's nobody's fault but people can get irked by the smallest, inconsequential things and project onto the waitress fir example. I think OP needs to chill out 😎

stuntbubbles · 07/08/2022 15:29

Salting food you haven’t tasted is rude. Of course, it’s your prerogative and probably the waitress should have just brought it with no comment as you’re a paying customer. But it’s rude to salt food you haven’t tried so… suck that one up, OP.
Unless she carries her plate into the kitchen, looks the head chef in the eye and doesn’t break eye contact while pouring the salt on, it’s not remotely rude to salt restaurant food.

I’ve always thought this one was odd anyway: it seems far ruder to me to try a bite of something then add salt to it, implying that that taste drove you to need to change it. Salting first just says “I am a person who can’t eat food without extra salt”.

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/08/2022 15:30

Other than the first bloke, who appears to have been mildly annoyed re his stock, everyone is just being conversational or trying to help. We don’t live in ye olde Downton Abbey times you know, the people who serve you are people and they need to interact the same as workers in an office need to interact (you miserable being you).

Isaidnoalready · 07/08/2022 15:33

After the second time I would have tapped it and said oh no! Looks like I will have to put pin in my non contactless card 🙄

I am a trained waitress though and I'm a horror in restaurants according to my family I once sent back food that was frozen in the middle my family squirmed about it but it was fucking FROZEN and I didn't order ice cream 😂

pedropony76 · 07/08/2022 15:35

How is the OP being difficult?

Literally none of these things needed to be said by these people. I’m also one who just wants to return/pay, do whatever I need to do without all this unnecessary input. YADNBU

Speedweed · 07/08/2022 15:37

Were these staff all younger than you? If so, it's because, to them, you're an 'old woman', which means you're probably stupid (menopause or dementia or both), definitely bigoted and responsible for the terrible state of the world. So of course they know better than you!

Wait until you also have grey hair - then they'll marvel you know what a mobile phone is, offer to cut up your dinner, carry your basket etc 😂

TheOGCCL · 07/08/2022 15:41

I think some people do not understand the role of serving. They can treat customers as if they were their mates down the pub. I was in a restaurant the other day and the waitress wanted to know of we liked the falafel, not because she was being polite but because she'd apparently never tasted one, seemingly highly suspicious of items in the menu of the place she works. Just a bit odd.

I think it's because we don't recognise these types of roles as being valuable, that they are important for the economy and for giving customers a top notch experience (important of they are having a treat). Everyone is supposed to get a degree and a professional job these days.

user1497207191 · 07/08/2022 15:45

Bellezza · 07/08/2022 14:57

Ah well, op, when all these jobs have been replaced with robots you won't have to interact with anybody at all.

We can live in hope!