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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
gatehouseoffleet · 08/08/2022 09:49

I will always highlight to people if they are at/very close to the limit for returns (especially so if they have other items on the receipt

that makes sense IF there are other things on the receipt but not if there aren't.

And yes I know that HQs have stupid policies and refuse to listen to customers or staff. Why is that? Nobody on MN ever seems to work in a shop HQ, even though they come from every other walk of life, so we never get an insight into why they wont' listen.

gatehouseoffleet · 08/08/2022 09:51

If you can't use contactless as opposed to being able to but choosing not to then it's not difficult to be explicitly clear as the number of cards which genuinely have no contactless functionality are in a tiny minority

You've clearly not read the thread because some banks allow you to choose your contactless limit. So just because a transaction is £80 doesn't mean the person can use contactless (for example one of my cards has a limit of £50). Also, if a transaction is quite large you might choose to use chip and pin on it so that you won't get asked "randomly" to put in your PIN next time when it's only £2.50.

And you can't catch covid from handling a card machine. Is it still March 2020?

In any event, it's up to a customer to decide how they pay.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 09:51

You sound really hard work. All these examples are just people doing thier jobs. The card machine is obvs as they are trying to limit contact. The reppair questions might be relevant to the repair he was making. And as for the salt, it's pretty bad manners to salt food without tasting it first and while she shouldn't comment on your manners she might be concerned that if you salted it before tasting it you would ruin it and complain about it.

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 09:57

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 09:51

You sound really hard work. All these examples are just people doing thier jobs. The card machine is obvs as they are trying to limit contact. The reppair questions might be relevant to the repair he was making. And as for the salt, it's pretty bad manners to salt food without tasting it first and while she shouldn't comment on your manners she might be concerned that if you salted it before tasting it you would ruin it and complain about it.

Once again for the too lazy/ignorant to actually read: The man in the mobile repair shop asked his questions AFTER the repair. If he’d asked before, I would have assumed the same as you. Afterwards would have been too late.

And again, my ‘manners’ are for me to worry about. It’s not for a waitress to comment.

OP posts:
BlueberryJammy · 08/08/2022 10:04

Yes, I agree with you entirely. I get really frustrated by shop staff as well who want to save me time by trying to make me use contactless payment rather than simply letting me take the card reader thingy and entering my pin. I don't like contactless, I don't use contactless, I don't need anyone else trying to save my time for me.

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 10:10

The first instance, I suspect they were making conversation - hard to tell tone in your description.

I do think tone is important. If he’d said ‘Ooh, just in time!’ or similar, I’d have also assumed he was making conversation. It was the fact that he’d said ‘Do you realise it’s the absolute last day you could have returned this?’ that made it seem like a ‘telling off’ when I’d done nothing wrong.

People have been very quick to tell me how I ‘should’ have phrased certain things (including the bizarre suggestion that I should have said ‘I’d actually really love a basket’ at the leisure centre), but these same people have been notably less keen to consider whether the tone of the assistants/waiting staff was appropriate.

OP posts:
apintortwo · 08/08/2022 10:19

YANBU OP

I'm fed up of 'chefs' and their entitlement. Saltgate would have made me mad.

Same with the basket, incredibly rude!

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 10:23

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 09:57

Once again for the too lazy/ignorant to actually read: The man in the mobile repair shop asked his questions AFTER the repair. If he’d asked before, I would have assumed the same as you. Afterwards would have been too late.

And again, my ‘manners’ are for me to worry about. It’s not for a waitress to comment.

I specifically said it wasn't her job to comment on your manners, but that she might be worried you'd ruin the food and complain about it. I would too, given your general demeaner.

FYI, I am not lazy or ignorant. Just got board of your rude and self entitled ramble, so skim read the rest. You are fine one to comment on the rudeness of others with that attitude.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 08/08/2022 10:26

Brefugee · 08/08/2022 09:36

Why on earth should the OP go round smiling at everyone all the time to get basic service for things she is paying for? How ridiculous. She’s not ‘surly’ - she just wanted some salt.

because it greases the social wheels if we are all a bit friendly. It's not rocket surgery.

This!

apintortwo · 08/08/2022 10:29

And trying to imply the OP needs HRT is incredibly passive-agressively vile and akin to calling her a 'Karen'

balalake · 08/08/2022 10:33

Other than the salt example, they are as noted just doing their job, and probably have little discretion in some of the things they are required to ask. Some of it no doubt comes from people who try to make spurious claims about matters, so in a sense you have to receive such questioning because of the actions of other customers.

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 11:07

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 10:23

I specifically said it wasn't her job to comment on your manners, but that she might be worried you'd ruin the food and complain about it. I would too, given your general demeaner.

FYI, I am not lazy or ignorant. Just got board of your rude and self entitled ramble, so skim read the rest. You are fine one to comment on the rudeness of others with that attitude.

If you don’t read the opening post and miss key details, but STILL think your opinion is so important that we all have to hear it, you’re not only beyond ignorant, but incredibly arrogant. Your opinion is worthless.

And I’ll comment on the rudeness of people like you all day long.

OP posts:
Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 11:12

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 11:07

If you don’t read the opening post and miss key details, but STILL think your opinion is so important that we all have to hear it, you’re not only beyond ignorant, but incredibly arrogant. Your opinion is worthless.

And I’ll comment on the rudeness of people like you all day long.

😂"your opinion is worthless". Jeez! Are you ok?

Anyway, go ahead, and continue being oblivious to how ridiculously hypocritical and rude you are coming across.

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 11:15

I’m fine, thanks. I just don’t see the point of people like you who just spew out ill-informed nonsense.

OP posts:
Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 11:16

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 11:15

I’m fine, thanks. I just don’t see the point of people like you who just spew out ill-informed nonsense.

You don't see the point in people like me.

Hmmmm.

You are doing an awfully good job in proving my point with your replies.

Ponoka7 · 08/08/2022 14:58

OP, I totally emphasis on the salt thing. I like my food over salted, it helps with my low blood pressure and since having lost of sense of taste through Covid, salt brings out the flavour. If I'm paying for food, I don't see why I should eat food I won't like, even if It is "just a taste". Posters need to people watch for a few weeks in different venues. This smiley, friendliness attitude to just get what we are paying for, is only put on women. Men either side of the customer experience, don't have to indulge the people who they are interacting with. As for a lesser service being given to women who don't play the game, anyone who has neuro-diverse girls, or are neuro-diverse, know all about that.

ldontWanna · 08/08/2022 15:07

I'm with you OP. I know what I'm doing and what I want. If I don't, then I ask for help. It's that simple.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 08/08/2022 15:07

Blimey, OP. You're not covering yourself with glory in your recent posts.

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 16:10

I’m not interested in glory. If you’re happy to have people who are too lazy and ignorant to even read your posts jumping in to criticise you, that’s up to you. I’m not putting up with that.

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 08/08/2022 16:32

I would get annoyed too at this salt situation. Jesus. What a weirdo waitress.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 16:35

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 16:10

I’m not interested in glory. If you’re happy to have people who are too lazy and ignorant to even read your posts jumping in to criticise you, that’s up to you. I’m not putting up with that.

again, not lazy nor ignorant. Already explained why.

It's odd you can get so worked up over someone asking you how many times your phone has been repaired but can't see how offensive and rude you are yourself. That's nothing to do with standing up for yourself.

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 16:39

again, not lazy nor ignorant. Already explained why.

And I have read your ‘explanation’ and still think you’re both lazy and ignorant. How can you not understand that?

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 08/08/2022 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 16:44

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 16:39

again, not lazy nor ignorant. Already explained why.

And I have read your ‘explanation’ and still think you’re both lazy and ignorant. How can you not understand that?

Well, I guess you are entitled to your opinion, as this is an opinions board. As am I. Without being being told I am worthless and there isn't a point in people like me.

You seem very agressive and rude and I would assume this is why you get negative comments from people. Sometimes, if something happens enough, you need to wonder whether it's not a problem with them, but with you.

Lineala · 08/08/2022 16:52

Op, I absolutely agree 100%, I can do without the pseudo niceness, sometimes 'I just want to pay'.

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