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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want service, not unsolicited advice or comments?

450 replies

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 12:04

This is frustrating me more and more lately when it comes to the service industry. Everyone has to chip in or feels they know better. A few incidences recently:

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

Is it really too much to ask to just be served without commentary, questions or tips on how to do it better?

OP posts:
PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 19:05

Because all chefs/waitresses have experienced idiots who get food, cover it with salt and then complain that it's too salty and make a fuss.

But that’s not my problem.

OP posts:
melj1213 · 07/08/2022 19:11

A lot of the issues are that there will be a reason people are asking/offering something or wanting things done a certain way but either customer's don't want to hear the detailed reasons behind the policies, they just don't care or the employee doesn't want to get into a big discussion explaining it all so customer's think staff are being awkward/inflexible/rude for the sake of it.

I have worked in retail where head office insist every customer is greeted within 20 seconds of entering the store and you must make at least one approach to every customer to ask if they need help/offer advice. Staff hate it, store management hate it, customer's hate it but we get mystery shoppers multiple times a week and if we don't follow the script with every customer we fail (even if we greeted/approached the mystery shopper but they saw us not greet/approach another customer then it would be a fail) and that would lead to employees being disciplined and would affect the employees bonuses. We were on little more than NMW and the annual bonus could be up to about £500 so nobody wanted to risk losing their bonus which was over two weeks wages.

I returned an item to a shop; a gift from a friend that was the wrong size. The assistant checks the date on the receipt, starts processing the return and then says ‘You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought it back?’ I said yes, that’s why I’d come! He sort of laughed as if this was somehow cheeky, rather than me just returning something within the set period.

Or maybe he was trying to make conversation during the transaction but when you spoke to him it was clear in your tone that you would object to whatever was said so decoded to say nothing further - I work in retail customer services and after a while you just know from a customer's tone that they are going to find fault no matter what you say. I will always highlight to people if they are at/very close to the limit for returns (especially so if they have other items on the receipt) as many people don't always pay attention to return limits and get pissed off when they come back past the limit and you won't make an exception for them.

I don't usually open the conversation the way this person did but they were probably expecting the conversation to go:

"You know today is the absolute last day you could have brought this back?"
"Oh is it? I didn't realise"/"Yes, I checked to make sure I was still in the returns period."
"Yes, our policy is X days for returns, just for future reference, so its good luck you came today and not tomorrow ...anyway your refund due is £X"/"That's good, you'd be surprised how many people don't and then end up being a day or two out but you timed it perfectly ... anyway your refund due is £X"

In a restaurant I asked for the salt when they brought out the food. Waitress narrows her eyes, pauses and then says ‘Have you tried it?’ I said ‘Not yet - but when I do, I might want salt. Please can you bring the salt?’ I don’t want her opinion, just the bloody salt!

Whilst the waitress could have been more tactful and just brought the salt immediately we don't know the context. I have worked as a waitress in the past and it would be 7pm on a Friday night, the dining room would be full, we would be short staffed, three tables meals would all be ready at the same time and someone would be asking you to immediately bring something they "might" need.

I'd still get it but I'd be muttering under my breath the whole time as I was already busy and many people think "its just salt" but don't realise there are other tables waiting and/or that it's not like at home where you just walk in the kitchen and grab the salt from the cupboard - they may be out of the way or stored in an awkward place/there may not be spares just sitting at the server station so the waitress may have to go and make one up (all while others are waiting) just so you "might" use it.

Another restaurant. The waiter brings out the card machine; I move to take it so I can insert my card to pay. He pulls it away from me and says ‘You can use contactless’. I say ‘No, I can’t; I need to use the PIN’ and go to take the machine again. He pulls it back again and says ‘No, you can for that amount’. I say ‘Yes, for that amount - but not with this card’. He then finally lets me have the machine. If he’d just let me pay how I wanted it would have taken seconds.

Especially since covid a lot of places are asking that if you're using a card then you use contactless payments to reduce reduce amount of people handling the machines and/or amount of sanitising required for the machine. Also a lot of places don't like customer's handling card readers unless they have to in case they're dropped/broken/wrong buttons are pressed etc that can either damage the machines or make the transaction take longer. The staff have probably been told to encourage people to use contactless and only hand over the machine if absolutely necessary- ie if they have no contactless, it's over the contactless limit or contactless fails.

If you can't use contactless as opposed to being able to but choosing not to then it's not difficult to be explicitly clear as the number of cards which genuinely have no contactless functionality are in a tiny minority (I now work in a supermarket and I maybe get one card transaction every few months where they have to use the PIN due to no contactless)

"You can use contactless"
"This card doesn't have contactless, I have to use chip and PIN"

Local leisure centre - there’s a counter where you get a basket for your things and hand it to the cloakroom attendant. I take my bag over to put in a basket and the attendant tries to grab it before I can. ‘All bagged up?’, she says, then ‘Ooh no, one of your zips is open’. I say ‘I know, it’s broken. But it’ll be in the basket anyway.’ She says ‘Oh, you don’t need a basket; I’ll just put it on the side’. I say no, something might fall out; I’ll take a basket. She says ‘No, it’ll be fine on the side; nothing will fall out’. I say I’d still prefer a basket. She says ‘Can I ask what the issue is with me just putting the bag on the side?’ I say - pretty coldly by this point - ‘Please can you just give me a basket?’ She eventually does, muttering something about ‘It just makes more work for us’. There would have been zero extra work if she’d just let me hand her a basket like everyone else instead of picking an argument!

Genuinely don't understand why you insisted on a basket. It's a bag going in a shelf, why do you need a basket for it? If you had a gym bag, yoga mat and a raincoat that you wanted to keep together I could see why you would insist on a basket to make sure they stayed together and didn't get separated accidentally but for a single bag then it makes no difference whether it was in a basket or not.

I went to get my mobile phone screen fixed. When I return later to collect it, he asks ‘How long have you had the device?’ I say ‘Abour four months; why?’ He says, ‘And this is your first repair?’ None of your damn business! I’m not asking you to do it for free - you don’t need to know if I’ve dropped my phone once or do it on a weekly basis!

The repair guy may have been asking for many reasons but again, if you were snippy and brusque with him he may have decided it wasnt worth it.

It could have been idle curiosity; he wanted to advise how best to prevent further/repeated screen damage; market research - trying to find out if you'd used another repair service previously and why you changed to him; there may have been something unusual/not right he found inside the phone when he opened it up and was trying to find out if it could be another repair man's work to advise you to keep an eye on xyz; trying to find out if you had a warranty/insurance he could advise you to claim the cost back from etc etc.

99victoria · 07/08/2022 19:14

I'm pretty gobsmacked that you've remembered all these incidents in enough detail to recall them all in your original post. If something like that happened to me I might be momentarily irritated but I would have forgotten about it an hour later :) You need to Let it Go OP

achillestoes · 07/08/2022 19:15

‘I'd still get it but I'd be muttering under my breath the whole time as I was already busy and many people think "its just salt" but don't realise there are other tables waiting and/or that it's not like at home where you just walk in the kitchen and grab the salt from the cupboard - they may be out of the way or stored in an awkward place/there may not be spares just sitting at the server station so the waitress may have to go and make one up (all while others are waiting) just so you "might" use it.’

But these are excuses for putting the consequences of being under-staffed or under-prepared on the customer. This would be a bad restaurant arguing with the customer about something they have every right to ask for, and that should be easily available. You just wouldn’t go back to a place that had to make up a salt cellar while your food got cold, would you?

LoveMyPiano · 07/08/2022 19:20

@achillestoes I see your point - and it is true, she doesn't have to. BUT, and as say this as a famous nit-picker, the problems must seem worse when they are collated like this (and in her mind, as well).

Ye, I have encountered over-familiarity on the one hand and continued rudeness on the other. But I personally have so many other worries, that I cannot dwell on these poor interactions which, it has to be said, I am 50 per cent of.

I was in TK Maxx the other day - and the sales assistant was soooper-friendly to every customer. There was only one till, and not many customers, so I was not annoyed at all. The item I had did not have one of their swing tickets, so I said, "I would like to know the price please?" - She put her hands to each side of her head and closed her eyes, humming, and said "Well, I'll just see if it's in here [meaning her mind]. I did try to say that there was only one, so I couldn't have got another to bring to the till, but she wasn't listening...... I thought about just walking away, as I could not figure out how she was behaving..... But the new, more patient me just let her get on with it, and she summoned (shouted, that is) another member of staff to look for a price. I did not enjoy the exchange, which is why I remember it. But I suppose that was her way, so I bit the bullet and bought the top, and left. It was weird though. I definitely don't think @PalourGamer would have liked it either.

achillestoes · 07/08/2022 19:25

@LoveMyPiano

That’s unbelievably rude behaviour and I would complain. I’m not even that fussy - that’s just unacceptably rude.

Fairyliz · 07/08/2022 19:29

toffeechai · 07/08/2022 12:24

PS it’s amazing how much difference it makes if you smile and say please and thank you.

Oh yes the op is a woman so she needs to be smiley and happy all of the time then staff will do the job they are paid to do 🙄

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2022 19:37

LoveMyPiano, I don't necessarily disagree with your points but what the a-hole comment suggests is that these are repetitive nuisances and the OP is subject to them (and is the subject of them), all the time.

That's not how it works. Imagine OP's thread if she'd posted Issue 1 followed by 23 stress-free happenings before issue 2 and another 50-70 non-issues. It's the highlights (or low-lights), however you want to see it. She's kindly those compiled those annoyances; that's how I read it anyway.

I see so many non-issue threads on Mumsnet. So many. I mostly don't post on them. I sometimes think to myself, 'goodness me, how does that person manage to get dressed in the morning' but, say nothing because I get that people want to chat on a chatboard.

OP has been very gracious about the non-entities who've posted so caustically about how they wouldn't give this headspace. They've had the headspace though to find the thread, read it (presumably) and bash out their pithy retort, all the while making it clear that they do not give a tiny little hoot. It's baffling. I can't imagine how slow their synapses must move or even if they do? But there you go, we're all different.

LoveMyPiano · 07/08/2022 19:38

achillestoes · 07/08/2022 19:25

@LoveMyPiano

That’s unbelievably rude behaviour and I would complain. I’m not even that fussy - that’s just unacceptably rude.

I know! Buuuut - new me, and all that.
I'd seen how she was like I said, super-friendly prior, so was a it surprised, as it wasn't clearly nasty as such - just weird.
It was fail in customer service skills though, let's say.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2022 19:43

LoveMyPiano, reading your TKMax story, you are indeed a zen master... Shock

achillestoes · 07/08/2022 19:45

@LoveMyPiano

Well, people are tolerant of different things, I suppose. The OP doesn’t like people starting up a debate with her when she asks for something basic (I don’t like that either). I don’t like rude service but I’ll eat food that’s a bit cold, missing an item off the dish or whatever. I don’t like surly service but I’ll live with it. Not argumentative service, though. If I want salt I expect to just be given some salt.

LoveMyPiano · 07/08/2022 19:45

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
I have to say, I posted my comment (not an actual soundbite, I don't think....) quickly and didn't come back until later..... Because, given the compilation of these disappointing experiences, it seemed that this is something of an issue for her. And certainly seems so when compiled in this way, despite there probably having been many many positive interactions in between each of them. And that's all I am going on - in THESE exchanges, the others are deemed to be in the wrong, for some reason. And it is on that that I based my very very (and in a kettle-pot-black moment ,as I have said) off-the-cuff remark, which is not original from me, but has been said to me ,about me (even on here I should think).

LoveMyPiano · 07/08/2022 19:50

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2022 19:43

LoveMyPiano, reading your TKMax story, you are indeed a zen master... Shock

Only some of the time.....
I am trying to choose my battles wisely, as they say.

Brefugee · 07/08/2022 20:15

But that’s not my problem.

I think i can see what your actual problem is though

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 07/08/2022 20:30

The trouble with being literal and tetchy is that you'll get many, many incidents like this in your life.

It might help you to digest some of these responses and have a long hard think about the common denominator in the incidences that you described . Even your subsequent posts sound tetchy.

You clearly have a low tolerance threshold.

PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 20:31

I'd still get it but I'd be muttering under my breath the whole time as I was already busy and many people think "its just salt" but don't realise there are other tables waiting and/or that it's not like at home where you just walk in the kitchen and grab the salt from the cupboard - they may be out of the way or stored in an awkward place/there may not be spares just sitting at the server station so the waitress may have to go and make one up (all while others are waiting) just so you "might" use it

I still don’t see how saying ‘Have you tried it?’ made life any easier for her. If I’d said ‘Yes, and I’d like some salt’, she still has to fetch the salt. If I’d said ‘I don’t need to try it - I just want the salt’, she’d have still had to fetch it. When I said I hadn’t, but still wanted it, she still had to fetch the salt. The only way she could have conceivably save any time is if I’d tried it and said ‘No, actually I don’t need it’ - in which case she still would have had to wait for me to try it and decide; not to mention waiting to check if anyone else at the table wanted salt (who might not have asked for it because I’d already done it).

The easiest, quickest course of action was to fetch the salt.

OP posts:
PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 20:33

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 07/08/2022 20:30

The trouble with being literal and tetchy is that you'll get many, many incidents like this in your life.

It might help you to digest some of these responses and have a long hard think about the common denominator in the incidences that you described . Even your subsequent posts sound tetchy.

You clearly have a low tolerance threshold.

But the responses have been very split, as is the vote. What if my ‘long, hard think’ leads me to think those who agreed me with were right?

OP posts:
PalourGamer · 07/08/2022 20:36

Brefugee · 07/08/2022 20:15

But that’s not my problem.

I think i can see what your actual problem is though

And I yours.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 08/08/2022 07:37

You are like a child. "i know i am but so are you!" kind of thing.
So again: i can see what your problem is. You are unwilling or unable to enter the nicieties of superficial social interaction.

And that is fine. But stop whining about it and develop a strategie. How about
"this is the last day you could return it!"
"yes, just as well i paid attention." smile, take refund

with the waitress - "i'd really rather have the salt now ready if i need it, thank you" smile

etc etc
light tone, smile. And then people don't get their backs up at what looks like a grumpy/surly attitude. Social interactions make the world go round. You are an adult, presumably, this cannot have come as a shock to you. You don't have to enter into a great conversation and regale them with anecdotes about your life. but you should be polite, at least.

achillestoes · 08/08/2022 08:01

‘with the waitress - "i'd really rather have the salt now ready if i need it, thank you" smile’

Why on earth should the OP go round smiling at everyone all the time to get basic service for things she is paying for? How ridiculous. She’s not ‘surly’ - she just wanted some salt.

Notjustanymum · 08/08/2022 08:25

It’s part of the social contract: in terms of social interactions , we gain our own civil rights in return for accepting the obligation to respect and defend the rights of others, giving up some freedoms to do so.
In the original post and in answers to PP’s, the OP appears to regard their own rights regarding their social interactions as superior to the rights of those they are interacting with.

That comes across as quite rude to many people - especially those who have experienced similar levels of entitlement from customers they have interacted with.
By taking umbrage at being questioned, the OP is asserting that they are more important than the people they are interacting with, which is quite unreasonable in a civil society; imagine what life would be like if everyone decided that they didn’t need to be polite to anyone else?
I much prefer living in a place where social interactions are pleasant, so I voted YABU for this one…

PalourGamer · 08/08/2022 08:47

Brefugee · 08/08/2022 07:37

You are like a child. "i know i am but so are you!" kind of thing.
So again: i can see what your problem is. You are unwilling or unable to enter the nicieties of superficial social interaction.

And that is fine. But stop whining about it and develop a strategie. How about
"this is the last day you could return it!"
"yes, just as well i paid attention." smile, take refund

with the waitress - "i'd really rather have the salt now ready if i need it, thank you" smile

etc etc
light tone, smile. And then people don't get their backs up at what looks like a grumpy/surly attitude. Social interactions make the world go round. You are an adult, presumably, this cannot have come as a shock to you. You don't have to enter into a great conversation and regale them with anecdotes about your life. but you should be polite, at least.

But how is what I said in response any different to what you’re suggesting?

It still seems to be putting an awful lot of onus on the customer.

OP posts:
floridana · 08/08/2022 08:57

I have days when I notice things like this, OP. Some days flow smoothly, other days people seem needlessly nit picky and difficult to interact with. I find it happens more when I feel a bit tired or listless, every conversation that doesn't need to happen leaves me feeling drained and irritable. You probably didn't come across as rude. I also think sometimes people have their own agenda in everyday conversation. The waiter probably imagined you would thank him for telling you about contactless and he would feel good, and the other one probably imagined you would humour her and try the food before she inevitably brought you the salt. When you didn't follow their expectation they felt wrong footed and the rapport is lost. Next time you go back it will probably all be fine.

Brefugee · 08/08/2022 09:36

Why on earth should the OP go round smiling at everyone all the time to get basic service for things she is paying for? How ridiculous. She’s not ‘surly’ - she just wanted some salt.

because it greases the social wheels if we are all a bit friendly. It's not rocket surgery.

EsmeSusanOgg · 08/08/2022 09:46

The first instance, I suspect they were making conversation - hard to tell tone in your description.

The salt, basket and pin ones sound super annoying. As in them, not you. You shouldn't have to argue the point to ask for a reasonable service. If someone won't let me do chip and pin, and insists on contactless I become super suspicious that the amounts do not match up.

The phone. As it was after the repair, sounds like they were being rude.