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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Superbabe64 · 06/08/2022 18:40

YABU. We don't have a dog for those same reasons. Couldn't be asked with all the hassle of it and picking up dog shit...no thank you. DC are grown up and I do not need another 24hr commitment in my life.

Quia · 06/08/2022 18:40

She's absolutely right. For some people, the pleasures of having a pet outweigh all those restrictions, but they still exist, as you'll discover. Trust me, she's not in the least jealous

slowquickstep · 06/08/2022 18:41

So you asked a question, was given an answer and now you are "offended" You sound like bloody hard work.

Blanketplease · 06/08/2022 18:41

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

This has to be a reverse because who in their right mind would think the OP has anything for the friend to be jealous of after the opening post and update.

berksandbeyond · 06/08/2022 18:41

You're off your head

IncompleteSenten · 06/08/2022 18:41

Since your follow up posts suggests this is a habit she has of giving her unsolicited opinion on things you are just talking about doing (as opposed to asking for her input) I'd start saying I'm not asking for your opinion you know. I'm just chatting about my plans.

But I should probably mention I don't have many friends ,🤣 apparently it's ok for people to stick their oar in and tell you what they think you should do when you never fucking asked them but if you tell them you don't care what they think, suddenly you're the rude one. 🤷

Behappyplease · 06/08/2022 18:45

you asked her the question, she answered. Confused why you are offended.

not sure what to say to you OP…

mam0918 · 06/08/2022 18:46

Shes not jealous shes simply stating FACTS... they are all the same reasons I dont have a dog and I have zero jealousy to dog owners.

Ironically they are similar arguments to what my child-free friends say about children, dispite the fact many of them have dogs (something I will never understand). I don't for one second though think they are 'jealous' of my children or trying to make me stop being a mam though lol. They made a conscious choice ergo 'not jealous'.

Why ARE you getting a dog?
Have you not thought all these thing through previously?

Surely what she said isnt a shock or news to you right.

SavingsThreads · 06/08/2022 18:46

Jesus she's not jealous!!!!

Your life sounds chaotic and full of bad decisions. Maybe take her advice.

DorisWallis · 06/08/2022 18:46

of course she’s jealous 🙄
you are getting something she doesn’t want ,need or desire
give me strength…
I must remember it the school holidays

LeaveIt · 06/08/2022 18:46

Have you got twins?

AverageJoan · 06/08/2022 18:46

Jealous 😂😂
Sounds like she was just being honest. Animals do take away the spontaneity from your life, dogs especially are massive commitments.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 06/08/2022 18:47

Sorry op but you asked for her opinion!

Quia · 06/08/2022 18:47

Does your partner rack up debt and not bother paying bills? If so, it sounds to me like you need to listen to your friend.

DeadbeatYoda · 06/08/2022 18:47

She's bang on. I am an animal person, wouldn't be without them ( I have cats, dogs and horses), but they absolutely take away your spontaneity. They are a huge commitment. Even just one dog. You can't go out for the day let alone decide to go on somewhere with friends because you have to get home to feed the dog / pick it up from daycare / pick it up from your mum's / the dog Walker texts and says they can't pop in to let the dog out for a pee ... whatever type of arrangements you have, you always need to put them first.

WaitingForWinter1 · 06/08/2022 18:48

Jealous? No. She was telling you straight. Or didn't you think of the years of commitment?

joojitzoo · 06/08/2022 18:48

YABU your friend is very sensible and likely to be an excellent pet owner because she appreciates the level of commitment and responsibility. I really don't think she's jealous about it but it sounds like you want her to be jealous of you?

mam0918 · 06/08/2022 18:48

IncompleteSenten · 06/08/2022 18:41

Since your follow up posts suggests this is a habit she has of giving her unsolicited opinion on things you are just talking about doing (as opposed to asking for her input) I'd start saying I'm not asking for your opinion you know. I'm just chatting about my plans.

But I should probably mention I don't have many friends ,🤣 apparently it's ok for people to stick their oar in and tell you what they think you should do when you never fucking asked them but if you tell them you don't care what they think, suddenly you're the rude one. 🤷

but OP DID specifically ask her the question.

DoverShortcutPlan · 06/08/2022 18:48

Clueless!

ScurryfungeMaster · 06/08/2022 18:48

Yabu, I've got 2 dogs and I think she's right tbh. You can't leave them alone for hours because you want to go out for the day and you have to find someone to take care of them if you go on holiday. They are expensive to take care of too. I love mine to bits but having them inevitably impacts on your freedom a bit.

Brented · 06/08/2022 18:50

I don’t think you’re being clear on what you think she’s jealous of? Honestly, I would not be jealous of someone getting a dog (I would hate to have a dog for the reasons your friend has outlined), especially when the rest of your life sounds quite hectic. Why would she be jealous of you having an unreliable partner? If anything it sounds like you’re jealous of her and just want to bad mouth her.

Redglitter · 06/08/2022 18:50

Everything you've quoted her as saying makes her sound sensible & a good friend. She doesn't sound in the least jealous, she sounds as if she has your best interests at heart

Svet19 · 06/08/2022 18:50

She's just pointed out how things are when owning a pet. I have a fabulous dog, almost 11 years old. Most of our holidays here or France- he comes with us.. Passport, vaccines, insurance etc part of the process. I've booked a last minute holiday abroad for end of August and now I'm stressing that I cannot find a kennel for him. My point is, expect to dedicate time and money to your pet. enjoy your bundle of joy when you get him.

MustBeThin · 06/08/2022 18:51

Your friend is completely right about the dog!

I've just had my old girl put to sleep, she brought so much joy to my life and I miss her terribly but dogs are a massive commitment. I understand the excitement when getting a puppy, but you have to work your entire life around them for the next 10+ years.

They cost a fortune in insurance, food, toys, treats, maybe kennel/daycare/dog walking fees. You can't ever be spontaneous. They need to be walked even when it's freezing cold and raining.

The last 6 months of my dogs life I barley left the house, she had to have medication 4 times a day at set times and have her meals timed around her meds. One of the medications she was on was a diuretic which she took multiple times a day and she'd need a good wee within an hour and half of taking it so I obviously had to be in to let her out for that too. Fortunately I don't have children and I work from home so I could easily do all these things but I'd have been in real trouble otherwise.

I'd do it all again for the rest of my life if it meant I could have her back, I love her to bits. Dog ownership is hard, and not to be taken lightly. It's not just about the cute exciting puppy stage, you need to think long term.

MeenzAmRhoi · 06/08/2022 18:51

You asked her a question and she answered. I feel exactly the same as her as so many I'd assume. So yeah yabu. Majorly.