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Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
WhereAreMyAirpods · 06/08/2022 18:17

Magicandspiders · 06/08/2022 17:41

Why on earth do dog owners think that every person NEEDs to love dogs. Not everyone likes them..I certainly don't want one and totally agree with your friend.

Totally agree. I would have responded much in the way as your friend did. No interest in your dog, they are a huge tie, and owners have to consider what to do with their animal when they go away, consider when it needs walked and so on.

The immediate leap to "she's jealous" is crazy talk. I am so not jealous of dog owners.

QuizzlyBears · 06/08/2022 18:18

You know the breed will likely have health issues but you’re still willing to pay into that awful market because you ‘have the money’ to cover the vet fees. Grim. That’s my biggest issue with anything said on this thread!

Eiapopeia · 06/08/2022 18:18

Your friend is absolutely right about the dog, and about the house purchase.

And as PP have said, you are massively missing the point about French Bulldogs.

RuthBrenner · 06/08/2022 18:18

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

If this is true about your 'partner' then surely you can see she's just trying to save you from a world of hurt? You seem a little dim tbh or you've completely made this whole thing up.

ninjavspirate · 06/08/2022 18:19

I don't like dogs and I think the breeding of French Bulldogs should be banned like it is in some countries and wouldn't hesitate to answer honestly if my friend asked me the same question you asked your friend.

Shade17 · 06/08/2022 18:19

I also would never, ever choose a brachycephalic breed. I don't think they should be being bred at all.

Absolutely this. Mainly bought by idiots as a fashion accessory.

SarahSissions · 06/08/2022 18:20

You asked the question!
dogs are a huge commitment.
I would never get a frenchie, too many health issues and badly bred dogs.

Svolvaer · 06/08/2022 18:20

I would add that having money and being able to throw that to the vet when your pet’s problems get overwhelming in no way mitigates the fact that even at it’s healthiest a dog who has been bred to have such a squashed face and skull that it has breathing problems every single day of its life means it suffers EVERY SINGLE DAY OF ITS LIFE.

Original poster
creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

OP posts:
IndieSkree · 06/08/2022 18:21

Maybe she is simply stating the obvious, and testing whether you have thought about the life changes you will need to make and the astronomical costs involved. I am 100 percent people having dogs if they are 100 percent committed.

3amAndImStillAwake · 06/08/2022 18:21

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life.

You asked her if she wanted a pet though. You asked her to have a say

StillHappy · 06/08/2022 18:21

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

You just aren’t getting it, are you? People are not against you buying the breed because of the cost, so your “worth the money” comment makes no sense. They are against it as these dogs are deformed, and suffer because of these deformities. Buying one ensures breeders will keep breeding them, which is unequivocally cruel.

Still, what does the suffering matter if you get your fashionable dog, eh?

As to the rest, you asked her about whether she would get a dog, not whether you should, and everything that she said was right.

I’m not sure why you posted if you are so sure that you are in the right, but for what it’s worth I agree with every other poster here, you are being ridiculous.

TonyChestnut · 06/08/2022 18:22

I think she was just being honest and that she's not at all jealous.

But just out of interest, are you planning a wedding in October, in Europe (Spain / Portugal type thing)?

BaileySharp · 06/08/2022 18:22

She doesn't want to impact her lifestyle with a dog, a perfectly acceptable response. Clearly you don't mind all the way your life changes with a dog (arguably the highest maintenance pet you can get) so great you don't have to have everything in common

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/08/2022 18:24

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

Ok so you are obviously on the wind up. Good job, you got me.

DarkDarkNight · 06/08/2022 18:24

She’s just being honest. It’s true, you don’t have the same spontaneity with a dog. You can’t be out of the house for a whole day, have a last minute weekend away or book a holiday without planning a dog sitter or kennel. In my family a couple of people have dogs and think it’s ok to dump them on relatives they know don’t really want to dog sit instead of make proper arrangements. Not everybody loves you dog like you do.

I know dogs bring a lot of joy and are part of the family, but having had them before I wouldn’t get another.

pjmasksitsthepjmasks · 06/08/2022 18:24

Sounds like she's quite switched on tbh. Everybody needs a friend like that who will be honest and talk some sense to them every now and then. 👍🏼

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 06/08/2022 18:25

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

Why ask her opinion if you didn't want to hear it? 🙄

BlueKaftan · 06/08/2022 18:26

She’s not jealous. She just thinks you make questionable decisions and she’s right.

GrandSlamFinalee · 06/08/2022 18:26

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

But OP, what do you think a friend is, if not that? Someone who gives their opinion on what's going on in your life. Is that not what you look for in a friendship? I like the people I'm closest to to tell me exactly what they think. It helps me make decisions, it helps me to consider things more carefully and think with different perspectives.

Would you prefer a friend who just sits back, nods, and goes for dinner with you every now and then, instead? Because I wouldn't call that a friend.

A good friend cares about you. They will tell you their opinions, even if that makes them draining.

notforonesecond · 06/08/2022 18:26

Sounds like you have a smart friend who tells the truth and gives good, sound advice.

Perhaps you should listen to her.

NumberTheory · 06/08/2022 18:26

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

None of the comments you’ve quoted her as saying make her sound at all jealous. But you sound like you want her to want to be more like you to validate your choices.

StillHappy · 06/08/2022 18:27

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

Gets in the way of her decision making?

You seem to be the one who has been making the bad decisions here, your poor friend must despair, giving you good advice that you ignore and that you then hold against her.

If it wasn’t for the site rules I’d be posting a speculative opinion about this thread at this point.

Please, don’t buy this dog, it is cruel to do so, and you seem incapable of managing your life as it is now let alone also looking after a distorted pet.

Furrydogmum · 06/08/2022 18:27

My dogs are a bigger commitment than my children in terms of planning holidays, days out etc. I didn't get them until the children were older - 8 & 12 ish - but they were, in their own way, more life changing than the children! Also the breed you have chosen is potentially very labour intensive in terms of health issues..

ChristmasSirens · 06/08/2022 18:28

I think she is probably much more realistic than you about the reality of getting a puppy.