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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Jollygreen · 06/08/2022 18:00

Fucking hell I wish the breeding of French bulldogs was illegal. The poor little things. They have so many health problems.

Go and adopt a mongrel in need of a home from a shelter.

gamerchick · 06/08/2022 18:00

She's right though. I feel exactly same about dogs.

Jalisco · 06/08/2022 18:00

heddgiemum · 06/08/2022 17:50

I'm with her. As much as I love dogs, I couldn't handle the commitment. So I have a cat instead. Much easier and less commitment. No walking, I can still do a night or two away by using the automatic cat feeders or a local friend to feed the cat (we have a reciprocal arrangement). My cat is Sat with me now, so I feel I get 3/4 of the benefits of a dog, with just 1/4 of the commitment. I wouldn't want the tie of a dog,

Once upon a time I had a cat - it just moved in, and was very young so we (me and the dog) let it stay. I think it must have thought it was a dog. It wouldn't go out much until we went for walks, when it came with us. She was a loopy cat. She also couldn't be bothered grooming herself. She'd walk up to the dogs face, lie in front of him, and if he didn't do the groom for her then she'd bat him with her paw until he did!

Etinoxaurus · 06/08/2022 18:01

“Enough of me wanging about my new puppy farmed faddy dog, tell me about your feeling about dogs so I can bring it back to meeee”

Pollythedoll · 06/08/2022 18:02

She's right but it sounds like you didn't like hearing it?

We have children and are tied down with them. When we got a dog, I thought it would fit into our lives without too much change but I was wrong.

While we can put the dog into kennels when we go on holiday, I didn't realise that the dog would also change plans for days out/overnight stays/even spending too much time upstairs while the dog is downstairs.

There are so many places we can't bring the dog if we want to just go somewhere for the day.

He randomly barks if left too long on his own and it isn't fair to leave him for any more than a few hours.

His insurance and vets bills add up too.

He is part of the family but your friend is absolutely right. I won't be in a rush to get another dog when this one passes away.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/08/2022 18:02

I have a feeling op will not be returning as these replies were not what she was expecting, I could just see her back in a few months or years though being 'offended' and asking aibu that she's been offered an unexpected weekend away/night out and no one will look after her fur baby because the reality of owning a dog is going to be a shock.

Tigofigo · 06/08/2022 18:02

I might have been more tactful but I agree with your friend 100%. I especially wouldn't get a French bulldog - they are set to be banned in the UK, that's how serious the issues with them are...

rainbowandglitter · 06/08/2022 18:03

She's absolutely true. I have a dog and feel all those things.

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 06/08/2022 18:03

She's right, and is there any way you would rethink supporting this cruel breed?

ScribblingPixie · 06/08/2022 18:03

If it was me I'd have told you that you're cruel to perpetuate the breeding of dogs with dreadful health problems, which I guess you'd be massively offended by.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2022 18:03

You should give sensitive and insecure

Sandysandwich · 06/08/2022 18:04

You asked and she was honest, and she wasn't rude.
Bit of a weird thing to find offensive-that she does not want a dog and had sensible reasons for it

Original poster
creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

OP posts:
goblinkinggoblinking · 06/08/2022 18:05

Neither - she's being honest. Having a dog is a huge tie.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 06/08/2022 18:05

This has to be a reverse. There isn't one single thing that she said that isn't sensible.

Cayennelikethepepper · 06/08/2022 18:06

She’s right. And you’re lucky to have a friend who can be honest with you, instead of only saying what you want to hear.

you’re massively overreacting

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 06/08/2022 18:06

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

It doesn't seem to bother you then, knowing what you know that the creatures life might not be a hapoy/healthy one?

Tiredmum100 · 06/08/2022 18:06

FWIW, I completely agree with your friend. I do not have the commitment to get a dog. Cats are much easier. I wouldn't be offended if I was you.

Fluffyboo · 06/08/2022 18:07

She doesn't want to be tied down by a pet, why does that have anything to do with you or what you are doing? I would say you are hugely overthinking her motives for what she said, and being a bit ridiculous to be offended

Astitch · 06/08/2022 18:07

So you don't care about participating in the cruel market of this dog breed, then?

You sound selfish and entitled. Your friend sounds entirely reasonable!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/08/2022 18:07

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

She sounds like she has her head screwed on and you live in cloud cookoo land after that update,she must have the patience of a saint!

Pollythedoll · 06/08/2022 18:07

It sounds like you have a good friend there.

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/08/2022 18:08

I agree with her, everything she says is true!

bubblescoop · 06/08/2022 18:09

That is exactly the reason I wouldn’t have a pet. Nothing to do with jealously 🤨

I just don’t want to be tied down by an animal. She’s right - you can’t just up and go on holiday. You have to be careful where you go and only go to dog friendly places. You can’t just leave it in the house.

I couldn’t imagine anything worse.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2022 18:09

She's a good friend @creamysauce . She's honest, not mean .

You're home schooling two kids one with additional needs and she sees that all the dog care will fall on you and is worried about you

You're contemplating buying a house with a man who doesn't contribute and has debt and she sees that all the financial responsibility will fall on you and is worried about you.

Nurture this friendship and listen to her