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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
NoodleDoodleDo · 06/08/2022 22:17

You do know everything she said is true, don't you?
I hope you realise how much time, commitment and thought a dog takes

Travis1 · 06/08/2022 22:17

YABU sounds like your friend is more
sensible than you and maybe you need to think things through a bit more. I wouldn’t touch a bulldog though. Lots of issues due to breedinb

Goldencarp · 06/08/2022 22:21

She’s right though. Dogs are a huge commitment. I’ve had dogs all my life and currently have two but we don’t have anyone to look after them and I won’t use kennels so we don’t go abroad on holiday. I love them but won’t have any more once they’re gone.

Animals bring a lot of joy but are a big commitment and can be very expensive too.

also you’re too easily offended!

Moonisdown · 06/08/2022 22:23

It doesn’t sound like your friend has said anything untrue. I have a dog and everything she said there was true. Considering your childrens needs v dogs needs also sensible and your partner sounds dreadful if what she says about him is true as well.

I doubt she is jealous. Jealous of what? She sounds like a great friend who tells you the truth about things.

Cheeseandlobster · 06/08/2022 22:25

The more I think about this the more self centered and lacking in insight I think you are. Particularly since your updates. You seem to make poor decisions and then label people as jealous and interfering when they gently suggest you are making unwise choices. Get over yourself op and stop funding animal cruelty

SushiSuave · 06/08/2022 22:25

Randomthoughts992 · 06/08/2022 20:45

Honesty, i will NEVER get a dog again. Everything ruined, all my time spent with a dog that needs my attention 24/7 .. worse than children.

I feel the same. OH and I both agree that it will be a relief not to have to walk the dog and pick up multiple shits a day. We love him but not enough to want another one any time in the next half a century!!

SushiSuave · 06/08/2022 22:26

I still think this has got to be a reverse. I can't understand how you can take offence to any of this unless you are actually 14.

TaVeryMuchLove · 06/08/2022 22:32

100% reverse. Nice try though!

CrocodilesCry · 06/08/2022 22:35

I don't think she's being unkind, it sounds like she's just very blunt.
As a dog owner it's awful you're buying such a breed - with climate change and hotter summers these poor dogs suffer so much.

Livelovebehappy · 06/08/2022 22:35

I said the exact same thing to my adult daughter as your friend said to you. Wish she’d listened. Her relationship broke down wfh job changed, and me and DH now find ourselves the main carers of a dog we didn’t want ourselves due to the exact same reasons your friend gave. They’re a huge commitment.

VioletInsolence · 06/08/2022 22:36

As well as the health issues with French Bulldogs, they are very unpopular with other dogs because of their heavy breathing and strange looking faces. So they have to deal with aggression as well as breathing difficulties. It’s very sad. All that and for what? The poor souls are very ugly.

StClare101 · 06/08/2022 22:44

Everything she said is true. If you don’t know this you shouldn’t be buying a dog.

When I’m asked the same question by friends with dogs I just say my life is busy enough and we simply don’t have the time or the energy to look after a dog properly. Basically the same thing your friend said really.

She may also be judging you for the breed you have chosen.

Bournetilly · 06/08/2022 22:44

You asked her a question and she answered it. She’s not wrong. Why on earth would she be jealous?

StClare101 · 06/08/2022 22:48

Read your updates. This friend has your back. Why the fuck would you ever consider buying a house with someone with a dodgy track record of paying bills?? Insanity! And getting a dog with your existing load of home schooling etc? She’s exactly right!

You should run all decisions past her going forward….

Singinginthesnow · 06/08/2022 22:50

I agree with her tbh

User149543 · 06/08/2022 23:11

Is this a reverse?

Marvellousmadness · 06/08/2022 23:15

Yabu to be offended
Yabu also to buy a dog which has been breeded into oblivion and now suffers his entire life because it can't breathe properly

sidheandlight · 06/08/2022 23:43

Dogs are fucking hard work. I have seen so many people get a pup and get rid of it, some even after 2 months of having the dog. The dream never ever matches the reality. I have owned dogs all my life and even a year ago when I got a new pup (at 16 weeks already practically toilet trained) I felt a bit depressed at having to do all the other training again and the responsibility. It's really hard when you want to do it right and do right by the dog and the breed. She is probably telling you, in a nice way, maybe you haven't thought it out enough.

Original poster
creamysauce · 06/08/2022 23:49

No. This is not a reverse. I don't think many posters understand. Those are just two examples I gave. She is a very very critical person, she has an opinion on everything, even when you don't ask for it. I felt her response about not wanting to get a down, was another way of her (indirectly) criticising my decision. I like that she's honest but there's a difference between someone being honest and own that always has an opinion in every aspect of your life,

No. I do not think she is jealous of my partner. There was a long back history and my partner is now clearing off his debt (which I refuse to help with). I felt she may have been a bit jealous that I am moving on, and saving to get a house. She was critical with the boyfriend, and was right then, but I would have expected her to say "Creamy, put the house in your name... not on his name, let him prove to you first". Instead, it was like " no no no don't get a house with him".

Many years ago, my friend did tell me that she was envious of me, that I took risks even though it may cause some back lash and that in some ways she wishes she was like that. That's the only reason why she feels jealous. Now that I'm getting a dog, it's just something else to put her foot in.

I am very very aware of the risks associated with French Bulldogs and I am happy to take on those risks. I have seen many French Bull dogs out and about and no way has anyone cursed or insulted the dog owners for getting the bulldog, most people are very nice and cooo over the dogs.

OP posts:
Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 06/08/2022 23:53

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 23:49

No. This is not a reverse. I don't think many posters understand. Those are just two examples I gave. She is a very very critical person, she has an opinion on everything, even when you don't ask for it. I felt her response about not wanting to get a down, was another way of her (indirectly) criticising my decision. I like that she's honest but there's a difference between someone being honest and own that always has an opinion in every aspect of your life,

No. I do not think she is jealous of my partner. There was a long back history and my partner is now clearing off his debt (which I refuse to help with). I felt she may have been a bit jealous that I am moving on, and saving to get a house. She was critical with the boyfriend, and was right then, but I would have expected her to say "Creamy, put the house in your name... not on his name, let him prove to you first". Instead, it was like " no no no don't get a house with him".

Many years ago, my friend did tell me that she was envious of me, that I took risks even though it may cause some back lash and that in some ways she wishes she was like that. That's the only reason why she feels jealous. Now that I'm getting a dog, it's just something else to put her foot in.

I am very very aware of the risks associated with French Bulldogs and I am happy to take on those risks. I have seen many French Bull dogs out and about and no way has anyone cursed or insulted the dog owners for getting the bulldog, most people are very nice and cooo over the dogs.

You should be a bit more critical of your life.

excelledyourself · 06/08/2022 23:56

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 23:49

No. This is not a reverse. I don't think many posters understand. Those are just two examples I gave. She is a very very critical person, she has an opinion on everything, even when you don't ask for it. I felt her response about not wanting to get a down, was another way of her (indirectly) criticising my decision. I like that she's honest but there's a difference between someone being honest and own that always has an opinion in every aspect of your life,

No. I do not think she is jealous of my partner. There was a long back history and my partner is now clearing off his debt (which I refuse to help with). I felt she may have been a bit jealous that I am moving on, and saving to get a house. She was critical with the boyfriend, and was right then, but I would have expected her to say "Creamy, put the house in your name... not on his name, let him prove to you first". Instead, it was like " no no no don't get a house with him".

Many years ago, my friend did tell me that she was envious of me, that I took risks even though it may cause some back lash and that in some ways she wishes she was like that. That's the only reason why she feels jealous. Now that I'm getting a dog, it's just something else to put her foot in.

I am very very aware of the risks associated with French Bulldogs and I am happy to take on those risks. I have seen many French Bull dogs out and about and no way has anyone cursed or insulted the dog owners for getting the bulldog, most people are very nice and cooo over the dogs.

No, you've misunderstood many of us. Certainly me.

I'm not concerned about any risk to you, by purchasing that breed. But I'm doing so, you are part of the problem of them being bred in the first place. Can't you see that?

Ace56 · 07/08/2022 00:11

No offence OP, but you seem a bit thick.

Your friend is right about all the choices in your life (they are bad ones) and is trying to warn you. You’re annoyed at this because deep down, you know there is some truth to what she is saying. She’s not jealous, she’s being sensible and honest.

You also don’t seem to remotely understand the issue with getting a bulldog. Do you get why it’s bad to contribute to the trade by buying one?

Cw122 · 07/08/2022 00:13

It just comes down to priorities. We have pets and she's absolutely right in what she's saying but the joy and the benefits are so worth it for us and suit our way of life and personalities I wouldn't be offended, she just has different life goals and priorities than you and was being open about that.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 07/08/2022 00:19

Many years ago, my friend did tell me that she was envious of me, that I took risks even though it may cause some back lash and that in some ways she wishes she was like that. That's the only reason why she feels jealous. Now that I'm getting a dog, it's just something else to put her foot in.

Aw… you thought this was a compliment and she genuinely wishes she was more like you🤣

Your friend was trying to be nice.

TimeTravelExpert · 07/08/2022 00:20

@creamysauce You failed to reply to my question…..I think I have a rough idea of what your “checks” were though 😔

You are as guilty as the greeder.

A little light reading for you…
www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/pets/brachycephalic/health

The world needs more people like your friend. Like hell did she tell you years ago she was jealous. You carry on fooling yourself though, that’s ok….because you’re not fooling us.

To be offended by a comment my friend made?