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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Tabitha888 · 06/08/2022 20:50

She's being honest! There such hard work

Randomthoughts992 · 06/08/2022 20:50

sounds to me like you are putting your problems onto her, doesnt sound like jealousy AT ALL! instead it sounds like your friend cares for you and is wondering why on earth you put yourself through this crap. Partner who racks up debt and doesnt pay bills YET you talk about buying houses ( unrealistic)
2 teenagers both of which wont give a crap about that dog soon ( not enough to ever walk it or feed it and to TOP it off you have gone for a dog purely for the aesthetic. You are going for a breed known for its health problems.

Sounds like you don't make great choices and she knows it.

Tara336 · 06/08/2022 20:50

You asked her thoughts, she gave you them! Why are you offended that she doesn't make the same choices as you

RightsHoardingRaptor · 06/08/2022 20:51

Your friend sounds incredibly realistic and like someone I would want to bounce things off. Is she right about your partner?

GoodJanetBadJanet · 06/08/2022 20:52

If you have taken offence, that's your action. You asked your friend a question but didn't like the answer.

Next time, don't ask.

This. You asked her, she answered!
It's not all about you.

autienotnaughty · 06/08/2022 20:52

By the way she sounds like a great friend who has your best interests at heart.

RightsHoardingRaptor · 06/08/2022 20:52

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

But she didn't say initially about you, she explained why she didn't want a dog

SlagathaChristie · 06/08/2022 20:52

Your friend sounds brilliant, I'll be her mate if you don't want to be. You keep saying she is jealous of you (and your sponging, unreliable partner, as well as the likely miserable, struggling to breathe dog you're about to get), but I suspect you are jealous of her. I'm willing to bet that the steady, risk averse one has her life much more "together", so to speak.

And friends do offer opinions. Particularly when they've been requested.

PurpleCatCuddles · 06/08/2022 20:55

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

She's a bit blunt, but she's certainly not wrong on either point.

Darbs76 · 06/08/2022 21:01

I say this as a huge dog lover and my dog is my baby, I adore him. But she’s 100% right. Having a dog does stop spontaneity and even with a dog Walker I trust 100% it’s not as easy as just booking her in. Often she’s not free and my dog has anxiety so not easy to just find a new one. I’d think very carefully about getting another dog as hopefully when my current dog eventually passes my kids will have grown up and I’ll want to have that freedom back.

that said I adore having a dog, and if you think about it most of your 365 days is spent at home. Love the greetings, cuddles etc. He’s worth it 100% but I agree with your friends words

SoftSheen · 06/08/2022 21:01

YABU to get a French bulldog, for reasons that others have no doubt already laid out. If you want a dog, get one that has a better chance of living a healthy and happy life.

FatBettyintheCoop · 06/08/2022 21:02

Sorry OP, but I’ve read your updates and to be honest, your friend sounds like she’s got her head screwed on the right way round and she’s simply trying her best to save you from yourself.

You sound like your own worst enemy.

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".
^^
Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Seriously, it sounds like you’re in a very precarious financial situation and rather than tackling the source of the problem (your partner), you’re deflecting the blame onto your friend and hoping that a new distraction (puppy) will temporarily solve the situation.

You really don’t need more responsibility but you do need to figure out why you’re still living with a feckless man.

excelledyourself · 06/08/2022 21:03

I like the sound of your friend, and think we we all need someone like that in our life. Nothing she said was unkind. Not about the dog, and not about your partner.

She was bang on about everything, and you would do well to give her more credit than assuming she's jealous, because that sounds like the last thing she is.

Slutdrop · 06/08/2022 21:04

She sounds like a good friend - honest, straight to the point and caring. She just isn't telling you what you want to hear. Sounds like you need to go and find a new friend (a sycophant maybe?) and give the old one to me 😁

NeedAHoliday2021 · 06/08/2022 21:07

Dogs are a big tie and responsibility. I love our dog but in 15 years I’m not sure we’d get another as dc will be adults and dh and I will be enjoying our freedom. Your Df is stating the obvious and home schooling plus a new dog is full on. I also wouldn’t go for that breed.

excelledyourself · 06/08/2022 21:07

And please don't get a French Bulldog.

My neighbour has one and the poor wee soul is allergic to so much. It's horrible to see him so uncomfortable.

DangerouslyBored · 06/08/2022 21:08

Believe me, no one is jealous of you owning a French Bulldog. Aside from the obvious breathing / overheating issues that the breed suffers from, they are renowned for suffering from a myriad of health issues, including joint problems, dermatitis, allergies, terrible separation anxiety, and are often aggressive to other dogs. They are most expensive to insure that other, healthier dogs breeds. Also, you will be hugely judged by animal lovers everywhere you go.

They are problem breeds, that’s all there is to it. They also have a reputation of being owned by, erm, how do I put this..a certain demographic that no one wants to be associated with.

surreygirl1987 · 06/08/2022 21:11

Eh? I agree with her! You did ask...

Redbone · 06/08/2022 21:12

Totally agree with your friend! Also agree that it is cruel to have a breed that will , undoubtedly, have so many health problems.

thisisit77 · 06/08/2022 21:15

Grow up

JaceLancs · 06/08/2022 21:15

I would have said something similar
Jealous?? Getting a dog would be my worst nightmare
I’m a cat person and know people who detest cats but that’s their choice

oranmore · 06/08/2022 21:21

I agree with her

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 06/08/2022 21:25

Listen to your friend. She actually has your best interests at heart and is telling you the truth. If you listen to her truths - accept them and still want to go ahead- then do but don't ignore her. She is right.

I have a much loved dog and cannot tell you the heartache of finding that he is actually going to have a shorter life than he should (genetic problems) and already having to give him drugs for infection and pain.

It would be easier to accept these things (and suffering) for myself than for him.

Choosing a breed unlikely to escape pain- breathlessness-early death is something I would avoid for your sake and not just for the dog's.

Youdoyoutoday · 06/08/2022 21:28

I agree with your friend too. Owning a pet is a huge responsibility and that's why I would never want one.

Justkidding55 · 06/08/2022 21:28

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

So you keep asking her opinion but now she “always has to have an opinion on my life”…
honestly she sounds like a great friend with a thousand times more sense than you and you are lucky to have her guidance.