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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by a comment my friend made?

689 replies

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

OP posts:
saraclara · 06/08/2022 19:47

I'm going there.

The question I always want to ask people who have or want French bulldogs is "if you were pregnant and it was possible, would you ask your obstetrician if they could make the baby deformed in some way that made them uncomfortable and would shorten their life, so that they looks cuter than other people's babies?"

You're deliberately choosing for a dog to be brought into the world who will struggle with every breath it takes, and have generally poor health for all its life. But "aawww, it's so cute!"

DeadRight · 06/08/2022 19:47

pissed

resuwen · 06/08/2022 19:48

DottyYy · 06/08/2022 17:51

In my opinion she is 100% right. Why would you be offended by that?
Would you also be offended if someone criticised you for choosing an irresponsible breed with numerous health problems - which is animal cruelty in their opinion because of how these dogs suffer crippling pain and cannot breathe properly?
Because if so, you better get used to it.

Agree!

Misspacorabanne · 06/08/2022 19:49

From what you've said op, you asked her if she would ever consider a pet/dog and she answered that question honestly. Just because her answer is different to yours doesn't mean she is raining on your parade. Just honesty.
If you've thought it through and are sure and still happy to go ahead then that's great, but not everybody wants to feel tied down, which a dog can do. I honestly don't think from what you've said that she is jealous, just answered your question honestly.

Isthatyourname · 06/08/2022 19:49

You are excited about your new puppy - not any old breed of dog you might rescue a braaaaand new French bulldog puppy ! Then wondering she might be jealous??? All she has done is point out the facts of owning a dog which she acknowledges therefore has not got herself a dog, apparently you haven’t considered the facts when looking into purchasing a dog because your are offended by the truth and seem blinded by showing off your new fancy puppy rather than reality of owning a pet - maybe I am wrong and you are an experienced dog owner of many years but just saying this is how it comes across!
Same with your partner and the house - just sounds like she has your best interests at heart.

Maybe appreciate having a good friend and don’t be so sensitive to things that are just fact.

MissMaple82 · 06/08/2022 19:50

Why on earth would this offend you?? What she's saying is absolutely right, you do lose certain aspects of a free life. Dogs are like children, they come with massive responsibilities. Why do you think so many millions of poor dogs end up being given up? It's because the novelty wares off and they become hardwork and inconvenient. I have a dog, who i have had for 12 years, and I love him to bits but honestly I don't think I will ever get another because the responsibility is too massive.

Eunorition · 06/08/2022 19:51

She described her own feelings and you still want to make it about you?

No one gives a hoot about your dog. No one is trying to judge you or is gasping in shock about your daring and unique choice. Literally no one cares.

Chilesstanton · 06/08/2022 19:52

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:04

I am a bit offended as I feel like she always has a say on things I want to do in my life. When I told her that I was considering getting a dog. She was like "....personally I wouldn't, you have two teenagers with one who has significant needs, and the other you are homeschooling, it would just be an extra strain for you. Your boys may be excited about the dog but the novelty would wear off and they would want to be doing their own thing. But it's your life".

Then another situation where I told her that myself and my partner were saving up to buy a house, she said "creamy?! Are you crazy! Why would you want to buy a house with a man who doesn't bother paying for the bills and racks up so much debt. It wouldn't get better when you own a house, in fact, the stress would be entirely on you as you would be the one fretting about mortgage payments".

Sometimes I don't tell her things as she always rains on my parade.

Yes, this would be my first time dog and and about the French bulldog. I have researched loads about the animal and have went to a respectable breeder. I am very conscious about the health needs of these dogs but I feel the money would be worth plus, myself and my partner, are in a comfortable financial position to pay the upcoming costs, concerning, health needs that the dog may eventually have.

But you asked her? So why she didn’t have a say all on her own.

Scurryfunge12 · 06/08/2022 19:52

Which bit of what she said is offensive in any way? You need to get a life to be honest. You asked and she answered. I’m wondering if this is a reverse.

Eunorition · 06/08/2022 19:53

Your other posts are weird. She sounds like a sensible friend and you sound like you lurch from one disaster to another.

Is this a reverse? Come on. You can't be this deluded.

Avalea5 · 06/08/2022 19:53

She’s not jealous , she’s sensible
I have dogs and agree with her
they are hard work and you have to consider them a lot!
and French bulldogs? I hope it’s been health tested I know someone who rescued one and it had to be put to sleep not long after at not even five month old - serious health issues
arnt they on about banning them? And pugs too? I’m sure I remember vaguely reading about that a while ago?

MissMaple82 · 06/08/2022 19:54

I worry that you have gone for a "designer breed" and seem to be quite oblivious to the sheer commitment you'll be taking on. It's not the dogs fault, it's irresponsible money hungry breeders at fault.

Blinkingheckythump · 06/08/2022 19:54

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 18:21

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

I'm not sure if I'm being clear. But it's sort of like having a friend who gives an opinion in all aspects of your life. It's draining.

I do feel she's a bit jealous. She had always been the sensible one and is very risk adverse. I think because of that, it gets in the way of her decision making.

She's spot on about the responsibility of dog owning, and about your feckless partner. She doesn't sound jealous, she sounds sensible. But sure go ahead and call it jealous if it makes you feel better

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 06/08/2022 19:54

I think it’s a miracle she’s still your friend tbh.

User48751490 · 06/08/2022 19:55

countvoncount · 06/08/2022 17:34

I just think she was honest.
Everything she said is true!
Huge responsibility, and if you enjoy being spontaneous, it's limited with a dog
Don't think it's jealousy one bit

This.

HikingforScenery · 06/08/2022 19:56

creamysauce · 06/08/2022 17:31

Hello :)

So I am getting a gorgeous French Bulldog puppy in a couple of weeks. I was discussing this with a very good friend of mine, about how I'm excited.. yadayada. So I then asked her "Would you ever get a dog or want to own a pet?". She immediately began to burst out laughing and said "No! I want to enjoy my life". A bit Confused I asked "What do you mean by that?"- she then said "As I said it... I want to enjoy my life, owning a pet- particularly a dog, I wouldn't get the spontaneity back, I would be worried about leaving it in the house for too long, paying for this and that, having to take it for walks when I don't feel like it. Sometimes- out of the whim, I just want to book a holiday but with a pet, I will have to think about who is going to take care of it, dog sitters...I may get a cat as they are a bit more independent but still, a pet comes with a lot of responsibility".

I think subconsciously she is trying to sway my decision from getting a pet or do you think she's a tad jealous. I was a bit offended by her comment but she can be very out there/too honest for my liking. What do you all think?

i’m Completely with your friend. She’s being honest. Which part of her reply made you think she’s jealous?!

Whadda · 06/08/2022 19:56

I do feel she's a bit jealous

Jealous of what, though?

You asked outright if she’d like a dog and she gave a very clear and rationale answer.

It doesn’t sound like there’s much to be jealous of with your relationship either- I don’t think there are many women who’d be falling over themselves to have a boyfriend like yours.

TowelChair · 06/08/2022 19:58

She’s being realistic. I’ve happily got 2 lovely DC. I wouldn’t have a dog (or any pet) out of choice. They seem like such a bind.

Plus I hate the idea of a dog walking around the streets and then walking around my clean floors. We dogsat recently and it was just annoying to use dog wipes to clean its paws after every walk!!

MissMaple82 · 06/08/2022 20:02

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/08/2022 18:02

I have a feeling op will not be returning as these replies were not what she was expecting, I could just see her back in a few months or years though being 'offended' and asking aibu that she's been offered an unexpected weekend away/night out and no one will look after her fur baby because the reality of owning a dog is going to be a shock.

Or her kids are now heartbroken anf not speaking to her because she's given away the dog because the stress and financial strain become too much and they had a holiday coming up!

slashlover · 06/08/2022 20:04

The issue with my partner, I agreed. So I have decided that we are going to rent a place together, with the kids, and see how he does paying for the rent. If all goes well, then we would plan again and buy a house.

Do you know how much more difficult it will be to rent with a puppy? I know landlords are not allowed to refuse on the basis of a pet now but they'll find a way.

Baaaaaa · 06/08/2022 20:08

She is entirely correct. I know this and still choose to have dogs but they are not without cost, and I don't mean financial. Though that is not insignificant.

I waited until my kids were 12. I honestly don't think I could have coped before that. I have essentially build my life around the children, the dogs and their needs and now my kids are 14 and 16, the dogs demand more.

Of course, less so if you neglect your dog. (Not suggesting you would but do not underestimate the responsibility)

Consider, dogs can't normally be left alone for more than 4 hours at a time, need walking at least twice a day, there is no Doggy NHS, if you go away they pine and paying someone else to walk or look after them is eye-wateringly expensive, as reflected by how tying they are.

So YANBU to know all that and still want a dog, dogs are awesome, but YABU to be offended by your friend pointing out the truth and YABU to get a dog if you don't realise this. You should thank her.

Also french bulldogs, whilst being fugly in the most awesome way are very inbred and tend to have a lot of health problems.

Dumle · 06/08/2022 20:08

She's not jealous or trying to sway you. You asked her a question, she just told you her opinion, a very truthful and valid opinion.

Jalisco · 06/08/2022 20:11

OP asked for an opinion. Didn't get the answers they liked. They are never coming back. Anyone else feel like the OPs friend?

Mandyjack · 06/08/2022 20:15

I wouldn't be offended she's being honest about why she doesn't want one. She's right what she says dogs are a tie and you do lose your spontaneoutity like not being able to go abroad when you feel like it and having to be back home if you go out because you can't leave them more than 4hrs (less for a puppy)
If these restrictions don't sound ideal to you maybe you need to rethink? A lot of people give up puppies because they don't realise how much hard work they are

AngelinaFibres · 06/08/2022 20:16

Your friend is entirely sensible. You should listen very carefully to the things she says. Dogs are a huge responsibility and a huge tie. A dog that is badly trained,bored,frustrated is, at best, a pain and , at worst , a menace. You will be 100% responsible for every aspect of that dogs life. Your partner sounds a waste of space.