Expecting working 18 year old to pay his way

[Fisifoofoo]

My 18 year old son finished college this year and is now working at a local hotel. It was a part time job but is now supposed to be full time as he won’t be going to higher education - so this is it, he’s now in the workforce and is an adult. At home there is myself, my husband and a 16 year old in further education and we are finding money is really tight at the moment.

At what point do we stop paying for our son? I don’t mean food and household stuff, I mean his haircuts, clothes, prescriptions etc? He is working and wants to be treated as an adult, I think he should pay for anything that’s for him. We used to pay his gym and rugby membership before covid but think if he decides to rejoin now he should pay for it himself. We also had to cancel Disney+ and Netflix etc because of the expense, so if he wants to sign up again himself then that’s up to him.

He already pays for his own social stuff and transport to work. We will keep paying his phone for the next year until the contract runs out. He also has access to our car which we obviously pay for.

I have told him he will need to contribute in some way as child benefit stops this month. We wouldn’t expect him to pay a lot in the way of board (any suggestions?) but we aren’t rolling in money.

We had a rare family holiday this year and also had several big family events and weddings that had rolled forward because of Covid, so it’s been a hefty year financially. The family commitments involved long weekends away, suit hire/purchase, meals out, stag dos etc and we’ve paid for all of it; all we asked was that our son buys his own beer.

So:

AIBU for asking for a contribution to board now he’s working and left education?

How much would people suggest we ask for?

When should we stop paying for all the stuff that’s just for him likes clothes etc? Obviously we will still feed him!

I would really love to just keep supporting him but it’s a struggle. Thanks for taking the time to read.

A little different, but my eldest has just finished his first year in university. He pays his own way completely during term time from his student loan and the money he earns during the holidays. He runs his own car, buys his own food, pays his rent, pays for his phone, pays for haircuts, buys his clothes, pays his gym membership etc. When he is home in the holidays he doesn't pay rent or for food or bills, but he still pays for everything else.

If he hadn't gone to university and was living at home and working he'd be at the very least running his own car, paying for his own phone, buying his own clothes, paying his own gym membership. I think I'd likely ask for a contribution towards food and bills too if it was for 12 months of the year and he was earning. Maybe not the full cost, but certainly something towards them.

My dd is on her gap year and she pays petrol, car insurance, haircuts, clothes, going out costs out of her 30ish hours per week job.
I don't charge for other stuff like utilities because I want her to save and she has saved lots of money for uni. She has saved enough for new Apple tech and has a decent financial buffer.
Her dad pays for her phone and Spotify subscription (we are divorced)
She does her own laundry and is good at keeping her room and bathroom clean.

Hi, thanks for your message.

My son has been through all that, emollients, phototherapy, steroids, and is now on medication which is keeping it at bay, mostly.

It’s been a horrendous time for him as for a teenager to develop an all over condition was mortifying. It’s a hard no from the navy unfortunately and because of all the trauma he didn’t pass his course anyway. Time to change tack and find a new path.

💚

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He should be paying £250 pm for his board & lodgings, then buying his own clothes, trainers, toiletries etc. You can pay for his share of family holidays, meals out etc, but unless he's going to live at home for ever he needs to prepare for flatshare costs. If you don't need the cash, secretly save it for him. Secretly.