Expecting working 18 year old to pay his way

[Fisifoofoo]

My 18 year old son finished college this year and is now working at a local hotel. It was a part time job but is now supposed to be full time as he won’t be going to higher education - so this is it, he’s now in the workforce and is an adult. At home there is myself, my husband and a 16 year old in further education and we are finding money is really tight at the moment.

At what point do we stop paying for our son? I don’t mean food and household stuff, I mean his haircuts, clothes, prescriptions etc? He is working and wants to be treated as an adult, I think he should pay for anything that’s for him. We used to pay his gym and rugby membership before covid but think if he decides to rejoin now he should pay for it himself. We also had to cancel Disney+ and Netflix etc because of the expense, so if he wants to sign up again himself then that’s up to him.

He already pays for his own social stuff and transport to work. We will keep paying his phone for the next year until the contract runs out. He also has access to our car which we obviously pay for.

I have told him he will need to contribute in some way as child benefit stops this month. We wouldn’t expect him to pay a lot in the way of board (any suggestions?) but we aren’t rolling in money.

We had a rare family holiday this year and also had several big family events and weddings that had rolled forward because of Covid, so it’s been a hefty year financially. The family commitments involved long weekends away, suit hire/purchase, meals out, stag dos etc and we’ve paid for all of it; all we asked was that our son buys his own beer.

So:

AIBU for asking for a contribution to board now he’s working and left education?

How much would people suggest we ask for?

When should we stop paying for all the stuff that’s just for him likes clothes etc? Obviously we will still feed him!

I would really love to just keep supporting him but it’s a struggle. Thanks for taking the time to read.

He's not earning full time yet.

Personally I wouldn't pay for anything for him anymore but I wouldn't charge for board.

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I would enquire further into the manageable skin condition now under control which is stopping him enrolling into the army. There could be possibilities.

What you have described is utterly at odds with what is being reported and the stats.

Heard of the “Returners”? All the grads returning to family home because can’t afford to move out and on.

i take it you’re not in the SE or London @StillHappy because around here - the majority return to family home from university these days.

He’s a working adult. He pays for everything himself now.
You can undercharge him his rent and board, but he buys his own toiletries, clothes, bus pass/petrol, phone etc.

my parents were very comfortably off.

my first job was a graduate training scheme!

i lived briefly at home (no rent or anything charged) and then moved out when I’d saved enough.

so by many of the standards on this thread - I should be incapable to siping my own bottom as an adult let alone standing on my own two feet.

Instead I am a well paid professional single mother with absolutely not support network (parents deceased but not before most of estate spent on care home fees and rehab)

I paid my parents 95 a month when I was earning 800 a month.

I'd say it depends entirely on your financial situation.
If you can afford it take nothing BUT make sure you teach him all about investment and financial management and encourage him to save 2/3 of his wages.
If money is tight for you then ask for 1/3 of your bills excluding mortgage.

I have never taken money from my children but they are very financially savvy. One bought a house at 24 and the other is in the process.

Bearing in mind that the minimum wage for 18 year olds is only £6.83 I think you might negotiate with him, at least to begin with.

I think it's really patronising to take money off adult children to save it for them.

I don't think there is an answer to how much your DS should contribute to the household financially, but he should be paying for his own clothes etc.

I don't charge my 19yo rent for several reasons, but neither do I buy things for him (his GF pointed out to him that he shouldn't be asking me for new trainers and if he wanted them he could just buy them himself). It amazing how much extra disposable income I have now I'm not clothing a teen with a particular taste in clothes

You stop paying for everything now he's working full time. If you want to finish out the phone contract and continue to lend him your car that's your decision.

He should be supporting himself entirely, and paying an agreed amount towards bills at home. Welcome to adult life!

My adult son has to pay his way whether he's working or not. He pays for his food and drink and third of electricity or gas, no council tax as that stays the same if he's home or not

In light of you saying he brings home about £1000 a month and saves some of this off his own back, I would not be taking money off him at his age

I would be expecting him to pay for Netflix if you don't have it and he wants it, any leisure activities, his travel and his own bits and pieces but no, I would not take 'rent' off him.

I told my two sons that I would continue to pay for phones, car insurance, gym memberships etc until September this year. That way they have both been subsidised for their 3 years at uni. Since the older one graduated last year he has been paying me £100 a month towards the utility bills (gas/elec/water/WiFi) and he also does quite a bit of shopping here and there.

In September they will each pay me £100 a month and they will have all their own costs reverted to them. We have agreed that they will each also save £150 a month towards their moving out costs (in a savings account).

I don't 'look after them' they do their own cooking (unless we fancy a family meal which is very rare), they do their own laundry, cleaning and their own 'life admin'. They also help me out lots when asked.

Is he not interested in trying a different college course? Or apprenticeship?

He options and future earning power are quite limited. If anything I would be tempted to charge him more, so he struggles and goes back into education. 🙈

18 is so young.

I’ve no idea why people are writing him off as having no potential. There are all sorts of routes to doing very well without a degree, including him working his way up in the hotel business.

There’s no suggestion that he has learning difficulties or will be unable to progress.

I think you and I just just not move in similar circles. Yes, we’re based in London, but as I said, I’m an employer if graduates, and this is not normal.

No higher education in hotel industry quantifications

entering one of the lowest paid industries in the country

that is why his earning potential is limited.

YANBU
We're not paying for things we currently pay for our DS once he has received his first FT pay packet (he is starting a L6 apprenticeship on £21K) - gym membership, phone, haircuts, clothes, out of the house food (except if he is with us).
We're not charging him any board though on the proviso that he manages his money properly - pays the into his work place pension (to max of employer contributions) and saves for both medium term and long term goals.

From someone now married to someone whose parents supported them financially until the day they left home (at 30!) you'll be doing his future wife a massive favour trust me to instil in him now some financial accountability and responsibility

In London?

Halifax, the UK’s biggest mortgage lender, said the national average for a first home purchase had risen to 32 in 2021 from 29 a decade earlier, and was above 30 for every region.

in London… 33

According to HomeLet, the average rent in London for new tenancies is £1,832 a month.

Do you work with grads in the magic circular by any chance @StillHappy?!

Magic circle.

Mine are in their 20’s now but both still at home. My oldest has special needs but works in a minimum wage job. He pays for all his own personal needs, phone, haircuts, train fares, buys his own food and puts £25 a week into the house.
my younger son and his girlfriend pay all their own personal needs, phones plus the internet, netflicks, prime, buy their own food and pay the same as older son. They are saving for a deposit to buy so even though my son is on good money I only take the extra that they are costing me. The housekeeping will have to be reassessed this winter with the increase in fuel costs.

Don’t be ridiculous. People move professions, people gain new skills, or get additional qualifications as adults.

You can’t write someone off at age eighteen based on your prejudices.

Prejudices?

ok we will have to agree to disagree

You work in an area of London that is completely at odds with the stats (2022 posted above).

my point was - he’s a saver, he’s young, he’s not progressing with any qualifications and taking a low income in a very low paid industry. Would I charge him rent? No. Would I continue to pay for rugby? Yes. Would I allow him to use the car and pay for insurance and petrol? Would I expect t a contribution to food? a couple of times a week to buy and cook evening dinner, yes please!

would I pay for clothes, haircuts and socialising and mobile phone? Absolutely not.

if we were talking 28 years old and on national average of £30k, my expectations would be very different to an 18 year old in his first job.